What do you do when your child gets bullied at school and the school dont believe you?

• my 11 year old has been bullied at school for the last 8 months. I have been to the school plenty of times and they dont think there is a problem. my son has never retaliated until the other day when another child was saying horrible things about me. After that my son hit the boy mre than once and got in trouble for it. When i went into the school and told them what had been said they wet and asked the boy and he denied it,thet believed him until he evetualy admitted it. my son was made to apologise to him and he also had to apologise to my son. The school are now saying that they are worried about my sons temper ndanger. There is no other school near us that can take him and my son has some special needs so i dont want to let him use the bus. Has anyone had any experiance in this matter?

• Answer:

  Because your son is a special needs student, it is unlikely that a school with that attitude is going to do anything. Like it or not, you're stuck with that--unless you can figure out a way to get him into another school, despite the transportation difficulties. Three things you should be aware of: Ffirst: the school system and the law are such that any difficulties can and will be blamed on your son unless you can produce documented proof of abuse that will stand up in court. Second. This may be difficult--but I am not attacking you. But you must consider the possibility that some of the porblem is your son's behavior. It is not unusual for a child to engage in attention-attracting misbehavior--especially if he/she feels "left out" or otherwise mistreated or ignored. Three. Under current thinking (which I DO NOT agree with) any use of violence, even in self-defense or under extreme provocation, by a student is regarded as a sign of psychological problems and the student is automatically in the wrong. To the extent possible, your son MUST control his temper--even if he is justified--because he is automatically guilty if he usese any kind of force for anny reason. In the eyes of the school system, that makes the problem his-not theirs. And unfortunately, the law is on theier side. You've already seen this: regardless of the cause, a single scuffle between two children is hardly reason to label a child as having "anger management problems." Yet that is exactly what they are doing. If theere is a repetition, then it won't matter what you do or what evidence you have--your son will be at fault regardless. And--I'm sorry--but that is the reality of the so-called "inclusive special education" in our schools. its wrong. It should be changed. But you must deal with the situation as it is, not as it should be. Good luck.