Should Sir Winston Churchhill accept full responsibility for The Fall of Singapore in 1941?

Can someone help me edit my financial aid appeal?

• Dear Office of Financial Aid, My name is and I am an undergraduate requesting to appeal my suspension of federal financial aid. I am appealing my ineligibility for financial aid because of the unfortunate circumstances that have occurred in the past semesters. In the fall of 2010 and spring of 2011 my academic performance was in violation of the Satisfactory Academic Progress Policy. I take full responsibility for withdrawing from the classes that I was failing. Although in the fall of 2010 the stress of my grandmother recently passing away and the burden of it on my family took a toll on me, I am not using the stress as an excuse. However at the same time my support system which was a group of friends had abandoned me and college had felt overwhelming. My support in (City) had diminished when I needed them most. Nevertheless my G.P.A. has not dropped beyond a 3.0. That same semester and going into the next semester, I was going through a court case where I had been sexually assaulted and had to verbalize the circumstances to the police. I became depressed and did not go to class. I take full responsibility for not attending class when I could have. I also want to point out that this spring semester of 2011 a close friend of mine who lived across from me in my dormitory passed away. Having my grandmother’s death so close and then having death reach my doorstep yet again, left me wounded. I stopped going to classes for a brief time and I accept full responsibility. I realized I was failing and while hard work would help in some classes in others it did not so I chose to withdraw from the others to save my G.P.A. At the time I was also working 35 or so hours a week and it left me little time to do school work. Because I did not have any time for school work and I was depressed half the time I had stopped turning in work for class and eventually stopped going. In order for this not to happen again I will have to make changes and I have already started making changes: I started therapy that the school provides and I plan on continuing to go next semester. I have already contacted a math tutor and plan on meeting twice a week. I plan on visiting my professors for more instruction. I have done this in the past and it worked with the classes I still had. I now have a stable support system that consists of my Daniels Fund advisor, who also works with me through the Daniel’s Fund and the Denver Scholarship Foundation, Roxy My therapist and my previous year Resident Assistant. I plan on having binders for every class and each first page will be the class’s syllabus. I plan on keeping up with the class syllabus. I plan on working less than 20 hours a week. I plan on going to workshops that the school provides i.e. how to take class notes. I plan on going to class all the time, thus fixing a class schedule around my free time. I plan on taking 17 credit hours this semester so I can catch up and graduate in spring of 2014. I plan on taking responsibility for all of my actions. If you have any questions on behalf of my Grandmothers Death you can contact Gormans Mortuary Inc. at (888) 888-8888 and ask R------ about Maria de Jesus Cuellar (my grandmother) If you have any questions with regards to my case you can contact my victim/witness specialist R--------- E---s at (888) 888-8888 If you have any questions with the Death of my Friend E------ and my counseling you can contact counseling at (888) 888-8888 Thank You for Your Time,

• Answer:

  Although, in the fall of 2010 the stress of my grandmother recently passing away and the burden of it on my family took a toll on me; I am not using the stress as an excuse. However, at the same time my support system which was a group of friends had abandoned me and college had felt overwhelming. Why did friends abandon you? Really seems like an excuse. You also should put your friends death along with your grandmothers for clarity. This seems like you wrote it and ARE trying every excuse you can. AND you were working? You keep saying you take full responsibility after every little thing. Put it together and make it cohesive. You should take writing classes or English when you get back into college. Good luck.