Has anybody ever gotten their first choice for the rotary club exchange?

In writing club this monday the prompt was "write about a horrific event in your life." wat do u think of it?

• This is what I wrote (true happening) "I was walking in from playing outside, slightly winded, my hair sticking up in every direction. My feet were covered in mud, my face as well. I ran upstairs to wash; entering the bathroom I see red everywhere. First I thought that Cameron had gotten into the paint again but on closer look it was denser and stickier. "What is this?" I wondered. I glace at the bathtub and cannot tear my gaze away as tears fall from my eyes. There was Benjamin, my older brother, lying lifeless in the white, porcelain tub, stained red. His skin was pale and stiff, his wrists cut to shreds. I collapsed on the floor in sobs. My mothers found me and drug me away. I did not leave my room for three long, tearful days. When I finally emerged, it was like he never existed. I was 6 then and am 15 now and have never spoken a word of it to anybody, not even my parents, but I still relive that day in my dreams every night.

• Answer:

  You've switched tenses from past to present in mid-sentence: I ran upstairs to wash; entering the bathroom I see red everywhere. My mothers found me - You mean your mother, right? Girl, I'm so sorry to hear that you experienced that! The simplicity with which you tell it lend the event itself more impact. Your parents have never discussed this with you? That's - horrid! It was shattering for them, of course, but it's their job to pull themselves together enough to take care of the little ones, in this case, you.