Im 15.Got bored.Wrote story.Kinda twisted.But overall...what do you think???
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"Im f#cking bored as hell Zach...i wish i had some weed damn it...im jonesing for a joint." My brother Ryan says. I'm lisenting to my ipod,like always,so i dont hear him. "HEY DIP ****!" screams Ryan. I turn around,put my ipod on pause and say "what the hell's your problem." ryan comes back with...."you didnt hear me cause you got that damn ipod going...i said im bored as hell" I always listen to my ipod and when Ryan is around he hates when i listen to it, because i always have to put it on pause and he has to repeat himself. "Well..what do you want me to do about it," I say. "i dunno...lets go for a walk in the woods or something" He says So i agree....we start walking and i hit the play button on my ipod. "Feona says she's out shopping but she's under me and im not stopping...cause Scotty doesnt know" I was singing to myself in a whisper, while kicking leaves and sticks..then BAM! something hits me in the back of the head and my head phones come out. I'm like "what the f#ck man!" Ryan says "put that damn thing up, im trying to talk to you." Its apparent he had hit me in the back of the head with his hand...but i'll live..it was just a little suprising is all. He keeps walking while im looking for a stick. I find one..not too big not too small..i chunk it and hit him in the leg. He turns around and says "*****?" like basicaly saying..you wanna go? He starts walking towards me pretty quick and im like "uh oh" So as he is coming towards me i put up my hands like stay away and i say "i put it up!..its all good?." in a questioning voice He stops walking towards me and says "aight man whatever, lets go up to the creek" Thats how its always been...he will do something stupid or mean to me and i will do it right back...then he chases me and up until here recently we would do it over and over to each other for like an hour, but here lately he will just come at me or attempt an attack back on me,but nothing usually happens. We just keep going like nothing happened. We're pretty much best friends we are exactly 14 months and 4 days apart. He is 16 and i'm 15 right now. Ryan is the hardcore one..You name it. He's done it. You name her. He's done her....(probably) He has been pretty bad the last 2 years. getting sent off to bootcamps and stuff.Getting into fights. Everyone at school is like affraid of him now. They dont really mess with me or him. His grades arent to good and he recently dropped out of highschool, but he is smart, probably smarter then me. Im the one who makes good grades, so most people look at me like im the smarter one,but Ryan is pretty smart. Ryan describes me as preppy and i play baseball so im like a prepish-jock in a way, but my personality isnt really like you would give your normal jock or prep or whatever. I've done my share of "bad " things and im pretty open minded about everything, i listen too all types of music and i get along with everyone. You says...wow lucky...he must have a lot of friends. well yeah i do but its not like that you see i only have like 4 close ones, because when your friends with everyone you cant please the certain "click" or Group" to the fullest. "Yo, snowman..wanna dip" says Addison (Yeah my last name is Snow) but anyways. i tell him "naw man, i dont really like that stuff" He always tries to get me to dip but i always say no. i just dont like it. and he just shakes his head. (idk why but for some reason dipping is a big deal at that school.) Its not that im affraid or anything...i've smoked weed so yeah.I dont care about getting in trouble. Then my stoner friends are like "lets go get ****** up man" I tell them "naw, i gotta go, i have baseball practice tonight." So right there they judge me as a jock or whatever and think im blowing them off. Then my emo friends think because i play baseball and the way i dress and when i tell them not to cut themselves that im not right but "Okay as a friend" but i just dont fall into there design or whatever. I dont have a label. I dont! Sometimes its cool, because i will like hang with alot of different people. I would hang out with an emo kid and a skater boy in 1st pd. then 5pd. i would hang out with this football jock who was like the best football player in our grade. Then at lunch i would sit with Brandon and Cody and a group of girls. Brandon and Cody are like my bestfriends they are 2 of the "close friends" i have. So basically my jock friends think im aight but im a stoner, and my emo friends and skater friends think im cool too...but im just a jock. So pretty much, they dont get to close to me. So it kinda sucks too. Ok so now that im done giving you a little back ground lets get back to the creek. Ryan and I kinda look at the creek with a disappointed look because theres like 6 inches of water in it instead of the usuall 3 or 4 feet. "damn global warming" laughs Ryan. I laugh too. So we step in the creek and just walk through it and follow the stream for a good bit, i'd say about a mile. Ryan is going on and on about this new hot chick that moved across the street from us. he says "man did you see her ***..i'd totally tap that...Whew!" Then all of a sudden he says "Stop!" (the "stop" i've came to know as he heard something or seen something.) and then he takes off running and im like what in the world. Then he like pounces on the ground and hops up and dust himself off and says " i got 'em" and i say "you got what" and he shows it too me...its a little corn snake probably about a foot & 1/2 long. POW!!!!!!! A gun shot.. Ryan and I look at each other like "oh ****" we were on someone elses property, and we were trespassing, so we took off running back towarads the house and we were so busy running that we didnt notice the four wheeler coming our way. We looked up and it was right there i just lowered my shoulder and closed my eyes and i heard a loud bang and then a scuffle. The guy on the four wheeler swerved to miss us and hit a tree and he flew off the four wheeler a good 15 feet from where he hit the tree. Ryan and I in a panic started running home again....then we stopped and looked at each other. like..what do we do? We looked away and thought to our selves for a minute and i looked at Ryan and all he said was "come on" I said " uhh...NO! we cant just leave him there, he saved us by swerving out of the way..so lets go help him" Ryan says "Dude what if he's dead....then we have to report it and we could get in trouble for manslaughter or some ****...and plus we arent even supposed to be on this land" I reply back "yeah but you know if we leave him then it will be on our mind our whole life wondering if he died or what" So after a few minutes of me pursuading Ryan we went and checked up on him. He layed there motionless, so Ryan said "check his pulse" and i said "im not touching him" so Ryan knelt down and checked it...he looked at me then looked down and shook his head and all he said was "nothing". Ryan just kinda fell to his bottom and sat there...speechless...and i slowly set down too. After a good 15 minutes of silence i looked at Ryan and said "what r we gonna do" he said " i dont wanna call the cops cause then we will just get in trouble" "So we're just gonna leave him here!" i say in shaking voice. "i dont know man...****...give me a minute, im thinking..its not everyday a man dies right there in front of you.. gah" he said and i say "yeah..my bad" and i think to myself...yeah Ryan's right this is an awkward position..and i felt kinda bad. Then Ryan says "We'll call the cops and tell them that we were walking out here in the woods and after hearing a loud crashing noise we walked to where we heard it and found him here" Im thinking...duh..why didnt i think of that...all i say is "ok sounds good to me" "Well what plan do you have!" he said in a deffensive voice. "uhm..i really dont have one...i was just saying ok...sounds good..really im serious." I reply. So we called the cops and told them what "happened." I stayed near the dead guy while Ryan went up to the house to flag them down and he led them back out to me and the dead guy. About four cops and a couple of paramedics came out there with a stretcher..one of those ones where its just like a board, theres no wheels or anything. So the cops ask us all these questions and we anser them all truthfully for the most part..only lieing about how we came across the dead guy,who was identified as Rob Faulkner. They found his liscence in his wallet im guessing. So the cops,paramedics,Bryan and I all walk back to our house and the cops told us "thanks for the call, its very unfortunate that someone died...but ya'll kids did the right thing by calling us" ryan and I kinda looked at each other with a guilty look on our face. Just as the ambulance and cop cars were leaving the drive way our mom was pullin in. As soon as she stepped out of the car she said "what the hell did yall do this time" So we walked inside and we told her the same story we told the cops...afraid if we told the truth she would make us tell the cops the truth. The next day it was on the front page on the Daily News Paper, an article with the Headline: "DEAD MAN FOUND IN WOODS BY TWO TEENAGERS" that read: "Two Local boys, Ryan Snow (16) and Zach Snow(15) (brothers) reportedly came across a dead body in the woods after hearing a loud crashing noise. Which was the mans ATV crashing into a tree.They immediately called the cops and they went out there recovered the body and he was pronounced dead, and he was identified as Robert Faulkner, a 36 year-old man who lived in the area." (read more on page A4) So as you can probably guess. We were mobbed with questions from teachers and students to the point that it was pissing us off. We just told everyone to go away after awhile. We got tired of telling the same story a million times. In a bad way its was kinda cool having our name in the paper and having everyone talking to us at school the next day, but it didnt change the fact that what happened was terrible. Ryan and I vowed to never even mention it again. Right-fully so we didnt talk about it for about 3 or 4 years. Until Ryan Came home with this girl, Ryan was wasted and probably stoned (like most friday nights) and she was a little tipsy but still managable. Ryan went straight to the bed and crashed. She turned to me " i guess we wont be doin it tonight..he's out of it" she said laughingly..kinda stumbling. So i was just sitting there on the internet talking to my friend Courtney like always. We met over the internet but we have hung out a couple of times in the last 5 years.She's pretty freakin awesome.She's like my clone. Well personality wise...not looks wise...she deff. looks like a girl..a very beautiful one at that. Well i told Courtney i had to go take care of this girl and ofcourse she understood. So i made some coffey for the girl and I and the we started talking and we got to talking pretty deep.( I have that effect on people) Well she started telling me how she loves Ryan and how she misses her dad and all this and i was just like "yeah man" to everything she said. Then she started talking about how she hates her life and all this.She was just babbling. Then im like "My name is Zach, We're sitting here talking and we dont even know each others names" and she was like "oh hahaha Hi Zach i'm Emma" We both laughed and then we started talking and then she said "I have to go home" So i said "well you're not driving if your drunk,so i'll take you home" So we got in my car and i drove her home. Which was just around the block. I drove back home and when i got in the driveway i kinda glanced over at the passenger seat and seen something.I picked it up and i realized it was her liscence.So i was just curious and i was looking at it. " 5'9" 128 lbs grn eyes" Her name was Emma Faulkner. I got to thinking and i was saying to myself, "Faulkner,Faulkner,Faulkner...where do i know that name." Then it hit me. The guy from the woods who we had found dead...the guy who swerved and hit the tree...it all came to me. "Holy ****" i said out loud and i kinda threw her liscence down. Then i remembered her talking about how she misses her dad and then it clicked. Emma Faulkner is Rob Faulkners Daughter! So i went inside the house, and im shaking. I tried to get some sleep but i couldnt, i was just thinking non-stop and wondering if Ryan knew and all this stuff. Well i finally passed out at like 4 in the morning and when i woke up to Ryan hollering "HEY ZACH! WHERE THE HELL IS THE REMOTE" Im like "omg man...idk!." Then it came to me again. and i got out of bed took a piss and looked in the mirror and i was wondering if it was all just a dream or if what happened last night was real. Well i kinda ran to my car and looked franticaly for her liscense then i found it..and sure enough, her last name was Faulkner. So i kinda went in the house. Ryan saying "where the hell is the damn remote" as he was on his knees lifting up the couches cushions. I just stood there and when Ryan stopped looking for the remote. He looked up at me and said "whats wrong with you..you look scared" I said "do you remember last night?" He laughingly said "no not really..i never do haha" Then there was a pause. Then Ryan said "why does it matter...what happened" He was like "oh **** did i bring home another fugly fat chick?...damn tequila can make rosie o'donal look hot" "ohhhhh.....you got laid lastnight didnt you..you ****** the chick i brought home.didnt you!?" He said I just said "no..she was aight.& we didnt do anything..but check this **** man" And i threw him her liscence. And he just looked at it and said "heh, yeah she was pretty hot" and i said "NO! dumbass Look at her name" in a pissed voice He says "Emma" in a mockingly voice. "Yeah and look at her last name man!" "Faulkner" he says in the same mockingly gay voice. Then he looked at me like so what...then after a few seconds the look changed to a questioning look and he said, "no ******* way man....she might be related to that guy in the woods like 3 or 4 years ago." I just sat down and said "yeah..she is..that was her dad man...lastnight she was telling me how her dad died and thats the only reason she moved down here, to help with the family and she couldnt go to school so she dropped out..and she lives like right around the block..i took her home last night." "Damn man" is all Ryan said....shaking his head..."brings back some ****** up memories" " i know it does" is all i said. sitting down on the couch. Well Emma and Ryan kinda had a thing going for about a month....he said he wouldnt even mention it too her, but then it started getting serious. They were going on for 6 months now. "Hey Zach...you think i should tell Emma how her Dad really died...saving our lives" i said "man thats all up too you..but be sensitive about it..you tend to lack at your sensitivity skills...and make sure you tell her why we didnt tell the cops the real story" "pshh ok thanks" Ryan said in a sarcastic voice So after about 2 weeks Ryan finally managed to summon up all his confidence to tell her. "Hey Zach i told Emma....she took it kinda hard but she didnt know why i didnt just tell her at the beginning," Ryan said. "and you told her????" i asked "i told her i was scared and it would make things weird." he said. "so are yall still together or what?" i asked. "i dunno man...she took it HARD!" Well after about a week things started to shape up better Ryan and Emma still went out for another 2 months but they decided to just be friends...they said it was just "to awkward" So life went on. 3 or 4 more years later. Ryan and i both got are Business Management Degrees, and opened an auto-repair business called "SnowBros" I was good with managing money and all that stuff so i did most of the office work, and Ryan helped train some of the mechanics because he was good at that kinda stuff. We both got equal pay though. Our business took off pretty good. We ended up having about 10 businesses state wide. So here we are in are mid twenties. Very succesfull Business men. So we were making good money. So we bought out mom a house and when we were helping her move i stumbled across some paper work. for us..like our birth certificates and all that stuff. Well i was looking through it and mom came in the room and said "NO! put it down" I was like "whats the deal" she said "nothing..just go" "yes ma'am" i said in an adjitated voice. So i seen Ryan and i was like "mom freaked on me b/c i was going through some papers" All Ryan said was "thats mom,haha" I said "no man..she had fear in her eyes..i think there was something important in that box" Then Ryan said "dont even worry about it man" in a shaking voice I looked over at Ryan and he had gone pale. I said "what is it man...whats in that box" in a calm voice. "nothing" he was barely able to say. Then i said "man whats the deal?...you know whats in that box dont you?" He didnt say anything.He just walked away. Leaving me Guessing. I have like no idea what it could be....then i finally came to the point where i was wondering if i was adopted and then i was like.."hey its not to bad...but they shouldnt have hid it from me." So i Finally asked my mom after about a week or so what was the big deal about the box of papers. "mom...why did you freak on me....when i was going through those papers." she said "Ryan didnt tell you" I said "no...but i kinda figured he knew the way he acted." Mom came over to me and grabbed my hand with one of hers and put her other one on my shoulder and we sat down. "Look Zach..i was gonna tell you...when you were about 16...but after what happened i thought theres no way i could tell you." She said. "Zach you and Ryan are half brothers." i said "Ok...so thats not that big of a deal" she said "yes it is....you're father isnt who you think it is..thats Ryans real father not yours. "so who is my real father?" i asked she said " Now Zach....i dont know any other way to tell you but....ok..so Ryans father and I divorced when he was just a few months old...i was sad and depressed...so i was drinking alot and hanging at the bars..one night i went home with a guy..and we...well we did it.." "ok...so u dont really know who my father is" i said. "no no no..i know who he is....Your father is Rob Faulkner." She cried I was speechless. "Ryan found out when Emma told him that she had a little brother but she didnt have a clue who it was...she just remembered her dad saying something about having a little boy,but he lived with his mom" mom said "so he was talking about it with me and i ended up telling him about you" "I figured it would just be best to tell you that Ryans father was your father too..and he accepted you like he was your son with no problems" she said. "Im so sorry son" "Its ok mom" i was crying...but i managed to say it. So life went on and it was all good. But man Life isnt always what it seems. Zach Snow (no i wasnt high when i wrote this...and its only true to the part where it describes me and my brother...and walking to the creek...thats it.....non of the other stuff after the creek is real....its made up..and i dont cuss that much..my brother is the one who cusses..and i only cuss when im around him..im an honor roll student,lol.)
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Answer:
This is excellent. I've seen lots of stories on other message boards and this one is by far the best. One question I had while looking at it was if most of this is autobiographical. Part of it is, but the narrative is made up. I have a hard time believing that, I'll admit, but I'll take your word and believe it. Because of that, this is a phenomenal story and you have great talent in how to tell a story. Do you read a lot? You also have great restraint which is indicative of a more mature writer. I've seen older writers (in their 40s and older) who can't write drafts this well. Continue to work with this or write more, please! When the grammar police get on here, just ignore them. Grammar and spelling have nothing to do with storytelling. You can fix that in the editing stages.
justsome... at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source
Other answers
whoa, dude, this is a really good storyy. great job!you have a big imagination! you should like publish this. or make it longer
♥ natty
=o that was entertaining MORE MORE!!!!!
Rachael
sorry I just read the first paragraph coz I dont' have time to read it I dont' think most people would. It's definatley wouyld be amied to older kids with all of the swearing ans it's not really my kind of book at all. But soem people woudl probably be intertested. I'm 13 by the way
٠Golden Eyes٠
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