U.S history essay question?

US HISTORY QUESTION!!@@@ Can u have a look at my essay?

• The essay is about the American Paradox : That the white colonists claimed freedom but they were enslaving black slaves themselves. Edmund S.Morgan suggested the idea of the American Paradox, which refers to the irony of the United States of America advocating human liberty and dignity while maintaining the slavery system that denied the very liberty and dignity of the black slaves. Morgan claims that there is fair reason which led to the simultaneous development of slavery and freedom. One element that affected the paradox is the Englishmen’s being racist. Unconsciously, the English colonists discriminated people of darker skin and narrowly limited freedom and liberty to only white people. However, more importantly, the inevitable employment of slavery began the American Paradox. The beginning of the story dates back to the sixteenth century England, where a population boom swept through the country. England was highly populous, and the unemployment and poverty rate soared. As a result, more and more people sought for an opportunity in New England, where there were limitless chances. With a charter granted by the crown, Virginia became the first English Colony. Although the early settlers maintained a fair relationship with the native Indians, peace was soon broken when a group of settlers murdered an Indian chief. When tobacco was introduced to Virginia, labor force was needed. Therefore, indentured servants, who worked as laborers for a promised amount of period, were employed. These people hoped to acquire some land after their terms of service, but as their hopes were broken, they became rebellious and started roaming, stealing, drinking, quarreling, etc. What made these young, landless freemen dangerous was that they were armed with guns, in case of a Dutch or Indian attack. Also, Governor William Berkeley’s friendly tactics towards the Indians stirred up a rebellion, which was led by Nathaniel Bacon. The rebellion was quelled when Bacon died of a sudden disease, but bitterness against the government and landowners still dwelled. As a result, Virginia tried to restrict freemen by making the laws stricter. For example, the assembly of Virginia disenfranchised the growing population of freemen and confined voting rights to only landholders and householders. Runaway servants had to serve additional years, and for killing a hog he had to serve for another year. Despite the strict measures, the numbers of the freemen grew. However, everything changed when the slaves from Africa were imported to North America. The Virginians bought African slaves because they were cheap and because the landless, freemen were growing rebellious. By 1700, the black slaves embodied the majority of the labor force in Virginia. As a result, the number of white, indentured servants gradually decreased and the landless, freemen began finding a suitable place in society. However, as the numbers of the black slaves increased exponentially, the slaves were treated even badly than the white indentured, servants. The Virginians feared the black slaves living among them, since they had every reason to hate the Virginians. Consequently, harsh laws were set upon the black slaves, which were far more severe and strict than the laws set upon the white people. Also, the laws were favorable to the white, masters. For example, the black slaves were deprived of the right to keep guns, and the masters punished their slaves without fear of retaliation by law. It isn’t surprising to know that there wasn’t a single slave uprising that matched the extent of Bacon’s rebellion. A small group of rebellious and unruly freedmen remained, but their numbers weren’t big enough to pose a threat. As a result, the social division between the large and small landowners narrowed down. The growing mass of black slaves drew the white settlers closer together, and yeoman farmers played a larger role in the government. The members of the House of Burgesses began to have a more intimate relationship with the yeoman farmers. Because Virginians were no longer menaced by a free laboring class, they could afford ideas such as taxation, representation, the rights of Englishmen, property holding yeoman farmer, freedom, liberty, etc. Although racism played a part in the American Paradox, slavery was the essential factor that closely knitted the white settlers and which eventually brought freedom and liberty by enslaving Africans.

• Answer:

  Knowing the prompt would be useful. I can't tell what you are trying to argue. A prompt would make it easier to figure that out. Also, delineating between paragraphs with a line of blank space would help. Clean up the formatting and I'll try again later if I misunderstood anything. Without the aforementioned stuff it is difficult to critique the essay, but I'll take a crack at it. First, you don't appear to have a thesis. Your introductory paragraph does a good job summarizing the meaning of the term, and mentions Morgan but doesn't give a statement of the paper's argument. A summary will never be an argument that you can use in an academic setting. Even though it may seem obvious, an argument like "the American paradox naturally grew out of conditions unique to the American colonies" would probably do. Then all you have to do is make use of the stuff that you already have in your body. Second, and I am assuming that this is meant to be a 5 paragraph essay, ignore me if I'm wrong, although you seem to have three causes of the paradox, you appear to have put them all in the same massive paragraph. Assuming good transitions, you could easily break that body into three parts. You have the social aspects: racism, the economic aspects: the need for labor, and the security aspects: the need to prevent rebellion. Third, your conclusion is weak. If you make an argument in your introduction and summarize your key points in support of that argument in your conclusion that will be fixed.