How to apply for TOEFL exam? What is the procedure?

Is there a by-the-book procedure for a prostate exam?

• It's taken a lot of liquor to muster up the courage to ask this, but I digress... I began working for Starbucks about two years ago, and thanks to my continued exemplary employment, I was given access to their paid health benefits. While it did require me to switch to a doctor that was company-approved, I was eager to oblige for the drop in cost! (Hip, hip, hooray!) I should preface this by saying that I am a man in my very early 50's, and though I'm getting on in age, I'm still quite the stallion and every bit as full of vigor as a pup half my age. (Say hey, ladies!) Anyway, in the past few years, I've become quite familiar with a procedure that I believe most men dread: The prostate exam. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the procedure itself, but a few of the particulars with the M.D. I visit have "rubbed me the wrong way," so to speak. I was recently informed by a good friend of mine, Winston, that a prostate exam should be conducted once or twice a year, whichever your doctor deems appropriate. As I write this, the 9th prostate exam since last September that I've just returned from is still fresh in my memory. It would appear he's milking (har) me for all I'm worth, and I don't know if I should be concerned. In addition to what seem to be unnecessary exams, the last several visits have involved rather unorthodox elements, or so it would seem. For instance, when I arrived for my last visit, I found that he had the sultry smooth stylings of Kenny G playing softly in the background, which he claimed was merely to help me relax, as I had been, quote, "rather tight with my browneye" in the past. While I'm certainly no stranger to such contemporary classics as "Havana" and "It's a Wonderful World," the doctor's sprinkling of rosewater and jasmine essences on the bedsheets before my arrival, again claiming it was for "relaxative purposes," was offputting at best. It is not uncommon for slight whimpers of pain to exit my mouth during the procedure, but I could have sworn that on my last visit, he was making the noises as well. After the procedure, which I'm told should take no longer than ten minutes but that commonly lasts over an hour when under his supervision, the doctor frequently leaves in a state of being hunched over, as though he's unable to stand completely upright. IS THIS NORMAL? After the procedure today, I told him that I would likely not be returning and would instead opt to try and find another medical official. Sensing my apparent angst and worry, the doctor suggested that I instead tape myself giving myself a personal exam and bring it to him. He contended that this would be more than satisfactory for his professional purposes, and he was positive the familiar setting would make it easier for me to, quote, "give up the ghost." As he whispered this to me, I detected what was obviously a good amount of bourbon on his breath. I guess what I'm hoping to find out is whether or not quirky doctors like this are just part and parcel for the medical field. Far be it from me to question the qualifications or methods of a trained and licensed doctor, but the whole ordeal always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I recently quit working at Starbucks, and my insurance will run out in about two months. If things don't seem too strange, I'd like to get my value's worth and continue the prostate treatments for as long as they're still free to me. Besides, what was once a pinchingly painful procedure has begun taking on feelings of near-euphoria in recent months. Somebody give me some guidance, Puckered in Pittsburgh.

• Answer:

  This seems to me yet another of the wondrous things that come out of good ol' America. I have never heard of such goings on before. The normal procedure for a prostate exam is not uncomfortable and would not cause "whimperings" of any kind. It does not take 10 minutes to perform - perhaps 2 or 3 at the most. It is not wise for a non-medical person to try and perform a prostate exam for the sake of trying to determine status. It would be unlikely that an untrained person could really differentiate between good and bad signs. My sugestion is to go to a different medical centre.