Anyone know some really good quotes?

I really like funny quotes that make me laugh. Here are some of my favorites: I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah. – Mitch Hedberg I was in a casino, I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking the fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you are a table. – Mitch Hedberg I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it. – Mitch Hedberg Is a hippopotomus really a hippopotomus or just a really cool opotomus? – Mitch Hedberg If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." – Jack Handey I can imagine a world of love, peace, and no wars. Then I imagine myself attacking that place because they would never expect it. – Jack Handey "I want to be like Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, and John Lennon... but I want to stay alive." – Madonna

Stephen Wright's quotes are really funny! http://www.notso.com/wright.htm “You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”

"courage is knowing what not to fear" "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." those are my favorite

never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.