An Inspector Calls final speech?

Help on improving this conclusion of An Inspector calls?

• would love any help / editing or advise so i could improve it! In conclusion of this essay i can see that Sheila's mood goes up and down all the time at the beginning. She starts to act immature and starts to laugh and joke at the inspector, showing childish behavior. I know this because at the start she says "Millwards! we go there - in fact, i was there this afternoon [archly to gerald] for your benefit".This suggests to me that she starts to joke to show off in front of gerald. My advise for acting as Sheila was at the time have her arms on her hips poshing to gerald, flicking her hair, having a big tone of voice to be heard, tall up right, moving all the time and looking embarrassed in front of her parents. Secondly where Gerald shows Sheila the ring, she acts overjoyed, happy,hyper, and surprised. I know this because her emotions to Gerald change from being snappy to love. With my advise as acting as Sheila i had her looking very happy in her facial expressions, hands out ready to accpect this ring, low and calm tone of voice, sat down fidgeting anxiously. My advise portrayed Sheila at this time as happy and joyful. Finally at the end she gets very abrupt with her mum because her mum tells her not to say anything keep family secrets hidden. I know this because in this quote Sheila speaks "But we really must stop these silly pretenses". " It's crazy. Stop it,please, Mother". This shows and backs up my point taht Sheila was feeling sorry and distressed about this case. With my advice i had her, with a snappy speech, swinging her hadns in the air to show her frustration. A nasty tone of voice and show her annoyed in her facial expressions. So my advice at this time portrayed Sheila as considerate,caring and humble

• Answer:

  Needs redrafting in grammar. Don't use "i can see that" Instead write something like, we notice that. Or just skip "i" and say It is observed that...+ weak ending. "So my advice at this time portrayed Sheila as considerate,caring and humble" So my advice doesn't work, and to conclude start a new paragraph. Don't you think ending it with considerate, caring and humble can be criticised a bit more? Expand on it. Summarise it a bit more. kk, ill help, but first i suggest even with grammar help i dno if ull get an A with this much quantity of work, if i were you i'd do much more, but i don't know what year you're in. We see throughout the (novel/story??) that Sheila's mood constantly changes from high to low in the beginning. We also notice that her behaviour is quite immature at times, as she both laughs and jokes at the inspector, showing childish behaviour. This can be shown as at the start of the (novel/story??) she says when (what was she doing) "Millwards! we go there - in fact, i was there this afternoon [archly to Gerald] for your benefit".This suggests to us that she starts to joke in an attempt to show off in front of Gerald. If i were to give advice to a person acting as Sheila, I would have her arms on her hips posing to Gerald, flicking her hair, having a big tone of voice to be heard and tall up right (what's this? Rephrase.) Along with this, I would advice the actress to constantly be moving in an agitated manor and looking embarrassed in front of her parents. When Gerald shows Sheila the ring, she acts overjoyed, energetic and surprised. We can tell this because her emotions towards Gerald change from being snappy to quite warm and romantic. If i were to advise someone acting as Sheila for this particular section in the (Novel/Play?) I would advise the actress to look very overjoyed in her facial expressions which should be very exaggerated. Her hands should also be very eager to accept the ring that is proposed to her. Her tone of voice should be low and calm, as she is sitting yet fidgeting anxiously. (anxiously means nervously, are you sure?) In contrast to her previous mood, she should be happy and joyful. Finally, at the end of the (play/novel?) she gets very abrupt with her Mother. This is because her mother tells her not to say anything in order to keep family secrets hidden. We know this because Sheila says "But we really must stop these silly pretences". " It's crazy. Stop it, please, Mother." This also supports the view that Sheila was feeling sorry and distressed about the case. If i were to advise an actress, i would tell her to have a snappy speech, swinging her hadns in the air to show her frustration. Also a "nasty" tone of voice would be in order to show her annoyance and her face sour. So my advice at this time portrayed Sheila as considerate,caring and humble(what's this? end it off better, new para) Kk, go use that read over it. Learn from it as well, easier said then done.