How can I open up to people?

Conversation problem in a foreign country! How can I deal culture shock? How can I be more open to people?

• Hello 2 everyone! My Story : I live for about 3 years in Italy, with my family. I have a part time summer job. I don't have friends but I have an italian boyfriend and I like him very much. My problem is.. integration in this country, I can't be myself here, I can act the way I act in my own country, I cant speak the way I want that's why I don't have friends I tend to be shy, the words won't come out off of my mouth, I'm insicure, lost , confuse, dissapointed with anyone..It's nothing like I dreamed it will be... And I cant wake up....seems a bad dream, seems a vicious circle I can't get out. I really feel That I can't adapt here, with this people. First I lived in a capital, a big city, now I.m living in a wonderfull montain region but they are little villages, seems like all the people know each other. If you want to go in a decent disco u have to make 50 km or more.. My boyfriend..oh...a long story...the thing is I like him, we go out with his friends from time to time but the problem it's allways there I cant have a conversation that last more than 2 minutes. At work it's the same problem. Another thing is that I was deluded by most people I've met here because after they talk on my back. I HATE THIS THING! I know most of the time I'm inspired to say that people are wrong and I'm the normal one... I know is the other way, I that I have problems. But I don't know how to handle them. I'm so confuse about everything, I can't make decisions or make a plan and stick with it.. My head and soul are like a hurricane and in the same time I feel I have a vulcano inside that anytime can erupt ! I don't really know what to do, I don't have the strainght to cary on like this, but neither the strainght to start again to do something, I don't wanna be dissapointed again by myself, by other...I don't know I thought about a specialist in psychology but costs 40 euro - 50 min... First I 've tooked antidepresives..but no good.. Can someone suggest me something??? anything! P.s. I know italian laguage like I know english.... I'm not good, but I can speak it enough

• Answer:

  I've spent some time in Japan and in Finland. It was not only culture shock, but instant illiteracy! I always carried around a dictionary for English and the foreign language, plus a pad of paper and a pencil. When even the dictionary wasn't enough, I did drawings or pantomime. Most people were patient with my attempts to communicate. It's good that you have your family with you, have a job, and have a little bit of social life with your boyfriend and his friends. Now -- what to do about your feelings of isolation? First of all, I'd recommend that you read magazines. Buy general-interest ones that cover current events, celebrities, styles in clothing and home décor -- that sort of thing. They will give you language practice, a larger vocabulary, and things to talk about. There might even be teen magazines that will interest you. Then, watch some Italian TV. At first it will seem like you're watching programs from Mars, but you will pick up the Italian outlook on lots of things -- cultural references and interesting stories -- as well as additional fluency in the language. My husband and I took a short course in Italian many years ago, prior to a few days' stay in Italy. We were surprised at how well we could read the street signs and even understand people, but we did have trouble talking, ourselves. This past year we saw an Italian movie, "Pranzo di ferragosto", and were amazed at how much we understood. The actors' gestures and facial expressions helped a lot. You don't mention what country you're from originally, but I understand that its customs must be a lot different from those in Italy. There's no right or wrong about that -- just differences. Some of the Italian ways can drive a foreigner crazy, but that would be true of any country other than one's own. I'd say, be glad that your family is there to provide a familiar nest with customs you know.