How to avoid using I in a cover letter?

Can you look at my cover letter?

• i have to write a cover letter and resume for a co-op engineering course an my university. we had to choose one of the fake jobs available to us and write a cover letter and resume for that job. this is the job i have chosen. Canadian Coast Guard Location: Saint John, NB Contact Person: A. Ship Perform a design check on the Coast Guard Standard buoys to verify the centre of gravity, centre of buoyancy, metacentre and waterplane. The calculations will be performed and filed in such a way to facilitate future reference. Verify the accuracy of a consultant’s buoy design computer program being developed for Coast Guard. The student must be motivated, capable of working under limited supervision and show initiative. this is the cover letter i just wrote up. please read it and tell me if you see anything wrong or what i can do to improve it. January 20 2011 Canadian Coast Guard St. John NB Dear A. Ship: I am currently a student enrolled in the engineering program at (name of university). I am in my second term of engineering one, expecting to graduate in 2015, and thinking about pursuing Ocean and Naval engineering as my discipline. I would like to apply for the job of performing design checks on Coast Guard Standard buoys as advertised through the division of cooperative education at (name of university) for my first work term taking place during the summer of 2011. The reason I am applying for this job is because I have great interest in working in such an environment and doing the tasks described in the job description. I believe that this job would be very beneficial to my career and that this will be a worthwhile endeavour to gain experience and knowledge with your company working in this type of environment. I have spent nearly my whole life living next to the ocean and have spent a lot of time on the water. In the future, I sincerely look forward to obtaining a job such as this for my career. I believe that I would be the perfect candidate for this job for a number of reasons. First of all, as you will see from my attached résumé, I have some experience working in a similar environment. I also have useful computer skills including solidworks, using Microsoft office, PowerPoint, etc. and some minor C++ programming skills. I am capable of working without supervision and working individually or with a team. I also possess a valid boating license. Please take the time to look over my résumé for details. If you would like contact me to set up an interview or for any other reason it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time. Yours truly, (my name)

• Answer:

  Interesting cover letter. Consider the following: 1) Include the Zip Code for St. John, New Brunswick; 2) Reduce the number of times you write "I". One example (for your beginning sentence): "As a student currently enrolled in the engineering program at (name of university) who expects to graduate in 2015, I would like to apply ..." 3) I am not sure what the last sentence in paragraph two means. Perhaps you are saying "I believe that obtaining this summer job would help me in entering a career in (fill in 'Naval Engineering' or whatever)." 4) Paragraph three looks fine, but you may want to move that first sentence to the fourth paragraph. And you may want to write something like "If you think that I may be a good candidate, then please ..." 5) The last sentence in paragraph four is "too loose". Write what is already clear to you so that it is clear to the person simply reading it. "If you would like to set up an interview or ask for more information, please contact me. Your considering my letter and resume' are appreciated." From a person who served as a civilian in the Department of Defense (mathematics), best wishes to you in the next few years.