How does my Shakespearean Rap sound?

How's this poem or rap sound?

• This poem/rap was about me liking a girl, feeling depressed wanting her back, and thinking about how we all eventually lose. Please rat 1-10 and state why I was at Places of no hope and sorrow Not lookin forward to a tommorrow Praying someone would shed some light Wishing i could make things right Being all that i could be Forgetting that i could be me Being useless to myself Ending up hurting someone else I guess its what i deserve There was no real meaning in those words A false story on true love I just cant remember when things got rough The roof came crashing down on my shoulders The weight felt like holding boulders The world span out of control Everything had felt so cold A bitter person cause of one loss Someone who'd fought for a pointless cause Failed at making things turn out right Instead got something that was slightly Off of what he had wanted Feeling everything was corrupted Just trying now to find those pieces Of a memory with no simple thesis Its always harder than it seems The papers stacked in the reams The problems cut like laser beams And there is no real easy means Of making it out through this fight Without beleiving that there is some light So let the heavens light up the sky And let the devil burn away tonight Cause if you cant face the pain Then your state of mind just goes insane When you reach the brink and can't take it all Someday we'll snap and some will fall

• Answer:

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