Does this paper about Obama sound okay?

• I typed this in five minutes with some notes I took, so sorry if it doesn't make sense, I just want your general opinion about it. I have to write this in tense that he hasn't been chosen as the president-elect yet. Thanks in advance. Here it is: Democrats- Barack Obama Growing up in many different places with different people that have different ideas is what has prepared Barack Obama to become President(Meet the Candidate). His eloquent speaking and strong ideas will improve this country if he is elected. Even before he went to law school, he wanted to change America for the better by helping in the community with a church-based group to improve living conditions in poor neighborhoods that had crime and high unemployment in Illinois(Meet the Candidate). That group became a success but, he realized that in order to make real changes in our community he would have to be in law or politics(Meet the Candidate). To make his realization a reality he graduated from Harvard Law School in 1991, where he became the first African–American President of the Harvard Law Review(Meet the Candidate). Showing he is a natural born leader and doesn’t give up when he sets his mind to something. In addition to his law degree he has a bachelor in foreign affairs, which means he is more experienced then some of the other candidates(US Senator Barack Obama for Illinois). After he graduated he became a civil rights attorney in Illinois(US Senator Barack Obama for Illinois), showing he cares about people and their rights. His achievements as an attorney took him all the way to the U.S. Senate. An attainment that would solidify his chance for the presidency would be his election to the U.S. Senate in 2004 where he became the third African American since the Reconstruction to be elected(Meet the Canidate). He served seven years(Meet the Candidate). Again proving that besides any constraints that impede his goals he can attain anything with ease. In the seven years he served he worked with both Democrats and Republicans all across America to improve citizen’s lives(Meet the Canidate). With programs such as the Earned Income Tax Credit, which in three years provided over $100 million in tax cuts to families across the state(Meet the Candidate). He also helped get more early childhood education, and he worked with law enforcement to require the videotaping of interrogations in capital cases after a lot of inmates on death row were found innocent(Meet the Candidate). These acts show that he would make an exceptional President because he is considerate about protecting and helping American citizens, which is what being President is all about. Overall whatever problems may aid this country Barack Obama’s drive and experience at solving problems will put hope back in our lives so we can all initiate a improved and more excellent future.

• Answer:

  It is not overblown. I have read Obama's books 'Dreams from My Father and the Audacity of Hope. Very well written. And I see you have done your research.