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How do I deal with my mother who has caused me so much pain?

  • I am 26 years old, female. I am an only child and I live with my mother. My dad died when I was 18 years old. Right now, I am experiencing a lot of emotional drift from my mom. She has caused me so much pain. When I was 13 years old, she wished that I died when I was still a baby. When I told her about it, she said she could not remember it. When I was five yrs. old, she held a knife in front of me because she was so pissed of me. I recently engaged in a business to help out with financial needs so she can eventually retire her from working. One day, I asked her some help to invite or at least promote my business meeting to her friends and the she said "that is so difficult" I just kept my mouth shut. She has caused me so much pain that lately I just can't talk to her or hang out with her. Then, she would say remember I did everything for you before... blah blah... I am hurting and I am feeling guilty at the same. I tried talking to her so many times but she wouldn't even listen. Please help.

  • Answer:

    Honey, you are an adult woman now, you need to take care of you, get out of her home, and get on with your life. There are the "victims" and "survivors" your life is going to suck if you dont get some emotional supportive help and shake the victim off your back, and become a survivor. I know you can do it, you are reaching out for answers right now, dont feel guilty, she has her own path to walk. But please know that no matter how she acts.. deep inside her she loves you. Break away and be the wonderful woman you can be. Live and love fully.

Lyn V at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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Hi...I agree with what beachbum said. I've been there, too, and I finally was able to overcome my constant feelings of intimidation by my mother, but it took time. I realize that I'm an adult now and capable of shaking off that nasty pain she once caused me. You just have to be responsible for your own feelings. Only YOU can tell yourself what to feel. Not your mother or anyone else. She is obviously in pain herself, possibly from depression, and perhaps made worse by your father's death. She has her problems and she is taking it out on you. Maybe she loathes herself and sees herself in you. Whatever the reason, you have to break free from that. You, yourself, and only yourself can do this! You might need the help of a good therapist, but at the end of the day, you determine how you feel. Don't let yourself be the victim! Limit the time you spend with your mother, but continue to show love and support for her. Move on, Sweetie, and get your own life. It will be hard at first, but you CAN do it. I went through all that....now fastforward my life several decades....after many years of emotional separation from my mom, she is now living in my home with my husband and me (go figure) but I'm so happy to say that it is working out well. I just stopped bowing down to her and letting her intimidate me and she knows that now. We're good. I wish you all the best of luck!

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