Can You Please Grade My Practice SAT Essay?

Will anyone grade my practice SAT essay?

• Sitting at a desk a student prepares to write an essay, she lifts her #2 pencil and begins to write. She starts with an indent about a half an inch to the right of a vertical red line on her paper. Even as she sits there she proves that people are influenced by those around them. She could have just as easily started at the very edge of this paper if she ignored what is known as the normal way to start writing. However my question is whether or not a little conformity is such a horrible thing. Our lives are influenced by the majority every day of our lives, whether we are making our coffee or striving to dress in all Abercrombie & Fitch. Whilst peer pressure is something we should try and rid our lives of is it absolutely necessary to change our morning coffee routine as well? The main reason people don’t agree with conventionalism is that there is the fear that you will no longer be yourself or that we will ignore our better judgment, and there is undeniably some truth to that. In my ninth grade English class we read a short story titled “The Lottery.” Though the first thought that got through to me was the rather gruesome end, we began to discuss the meaning of the tale itself. In “The Lottery” a small old town begins to prepare for their annual lottery. At the end of the ceremony the “winner” is stoned to death as a sacrifice for a full harvest and good luck for the town. The meaning of this was that the tradition of the lottery was covering their better judgment and causing them to kill one another in order to keep the tradition alive. I do not disagree with anyone against that, but I do believe that we shouldn’t strive to change every thing about ourselves in the purpose of being different. If being ourselves makes us have some similarities with our peers we shouldn’t try to change that, the same as we shouldn’t try and change ourselves to be like them. We need to find our middle ground, our individuality. If being ourselves means that we do subject to some conformity, it’s not such a horrible idea. We must try and keep our identities our own, that’s undeniable. However we must not strive so hard to be individual that we are no longer ourselves. That would completely contradict the purpose of being individual. ______________________________________… The Prompt: “I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best of advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.” Are people held back by their adherence to the beliefs of the majorities or doing things the conventional way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on the issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences or observations. ______________________________________… Additional info: This is my first trial essay. Unfortunately I often find it harder to be critical of my own paper than someone elses, so I'm looking for some critique. What can I improve? (and yes, I know the last paragraph is horrible, I just didn't know what to write for a conclusion.) Thanks so much! God bless

• Answer:

  You are a very good creative writer! However, I recommend using a different style on your SAT essay. (I'm speaking from experience here - I took the test twice and got very different scores). They want you to do a traditional persuasive essay like you might turn in to a college (or AP) class. Don't use the words "I" or "you." Write as much as you can (essay length correlates very highly with score) and use a traditional format: Thesis statement and counter arguments outlined in the introductory paragraph. Three points in favor of the thesis outlined in separate paragraphs. Wrap it up in a conclusion. Throw in advanced vocabulary (videlicet, ansatz, lacuna, etc.). I know it sounds dry and simplistic but it's the key to a good score.