What are your plans for Christmas and New Year's?

Help with Christmas etiquette and gift buying for family?

• Please give me honest input: My husband and i just had a baby and last christmas i told him we would not be struggling this year with gift buying because we were both fed up with gift buying for my large family (15+ people) and struggling to do so. He has two members of his family he buys for, his mom and brother and because of the pregnancy and baby he is the only one working. We saved up with a xmas club all year to be able to get the baby and each other nice gifts and not have to stress about all of the others. He bought meager gifts for his mother and brother and i spent $20 total on my mother, father and sister combined. I told my family we weren't buying this year and my aunt suggested that everyone only buy for the kids. She said the children by name, her 2 kids and my baby. We thought this sounded fair since xmas is for the children anyway so we agreed and bought her two kids gifts. Then the same aunt mentioned my other aunt's (abusive, not part of the family boyfriend's) two children and i informed her that i wouldnt be buying for them as i see them at xmas only i dont know their ages or even their last names and my aunt is supposedly been broken off with this a**hole anyway. (these children get great xmas' from their family). I stood my ground on this. Well last night, I called my aunt to see what our plans for xmas eve were and she said she wasnt sure if her husband's daughter was coming from out of state. and she asked if i bought a gift for her, and i said no. She got enraged and started going off how this girl is like her daughter and how could i not buy her a gift. I told her that when we discussed buying for the kids initially she said her two children by name and my baby and that her and her husband were in the process of getting a divorce so his daughter was never mentioned. She replied that even if they were getting a divorce that the girl is still her daughter (not true) and that i should automatically assume she was coming and purchased her something. She had just told me if you noticed that she was not sure if she was coming or not. Also again i know nothing about this girl as again she comes on xmas to get gifts then i never see her again until next xmas she is 13 now i think and i know nothing about her. Anyway i got very angry because this aunt is the same person that strong arms the entire family emotionally into getting whatever she wants and this is exactly what i wanted to avoid this year as we wanted to focus on ourselves as a new family and try not to deal with all the rest of the craziness. I just ignored her the rest of the phone conversation and got off the phone. I discussed it with my husband and we both really want to stick to our guns. We know that this could quell a situation by just buying something for $5 but it is the principal that my husband has to buy for someone else out of state that he doesnt know. He has had to struggle in the past years to buy for up to 20 people because i am always guilted into purchasing for extra visitors. I DO NOT want to cave. His family just buys for who they can/want to and nothing is ever said otherwise. I wish that is how it could be with my family. BTW i spent more on her kids than on my parents and sister together already. If someone has to force you to buy for someone it ruins what xmas is all about anyway, right? What should i do because i know this is far from over????

• Answer:

  Thank God you and your husband agree!!! Yes, stick to your guns and do not cave to your aunt's pressure. No one has a right to judge whether you buy gifts or not. That is not what XMas is about. You aren't doing anything wrong. If your aunt loves this girl so much she can buy her as many gifts as she wants. You are not obligated. To avoid drama just don't react to your aunt. Even if she tries to argue with you, just refuse to argue and walk away if you have to. If you set a precedent that she can tantrum into getting you to do what she wants, guess what? She will continue this behavior. You have to stand your ground and teach your aunt that treating you in this way does not get her what she wants. Remember....When you permit, you promote!