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How do I cope with my new husband's finger amputation while helping him cope as well?

  • My husband - of two days now - was in a farming accident last week and I'm trying to cope with his loss, while helping him to get through his loss as well. I don't want him to think that I can't handle this, but I need to talk to him about how I feel. How do I bring it up without him thinking that I can't handle this. He lost his four fingers but still has his thumb. He is a very independent person, and I just want him to know that this is going to be hard on both of us but we can get through it together. What should I say or not say?

  • Answer:

    Helluva a way to start a marriage You start by acknowledging the simple fact that maybe you can't handle it .....and that's OK I'm fairly sure that nothing in your life experience has prepared you to handle this extraordinarily bad and life-altering event Since nothing in your life experience has prepared you to handle this then i think that you should seek out people who DO have experience handling these kinds of life-altering events Ask the medical staff that did the surgery for recommendation for a counselor or ask the physical therapy people or see if there is a support group for the spouses of people have experienced such injuries I'm going to venture a guess and say that you live in a farming community and as such there a probably more than a few local people who have walked in your shoes.....seek them out You need to understand that there are two patients involved in this injury ;You and your husband and that both of those people need to be treated separately and together. Good luck to both of you

ehorstma... at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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Think about it; he just lost four of his fingers. Don't say that it's going to be hard on you, try to sympathize with his loss. Focus on HIM, not you, because ultimately, what he lost outweighs what you have (or will) lose. Try to downplay his injury, and to not bring it up (unless he does).

maybe you need the advice of a good counselor

You need to come to accepting what cannot be changed. The longer you hold off talking about it the harder it will be to talk about. Offer your love and support and continue to be there for him. Amputation isn't all that rare and people that have lost digits, hands, and other body limbs learn to adjust amazingly well to their loss. I live in a farming community. Sometimes (most of the time) rehabilitation is needed for them to relearn how to do things with a prosthesis, which I don't think is an option with fingers. Let him know he is still everything to you and that this is just a minor set back for now. You will get through this with renewed faith that we are only given what we can handle in life and help him come to terms with the loss and move on. Don't dwell on it because it is only a stepping stone for growth in your new lifes together. Congratulations on the marriage now do what you promised to do "for better or worse". And get through this together. It is only the beginning. Don't look at it as an obsticle in your lives. When my best friend lost his hand in a accident at work I went to see him in the hospital not knowing what to say----------first words out of his mouth were Bet I can still type faster than you. Don't try to read what he is feeling, talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. You'll both grow from this. Blessed Be.

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