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Can I have my son's last name legally changed to mine and get sole custody since his dad is no longer involved?

  • My ex and I were never married. We were together for 10 years and had a son together who is now 4. We haven't been together for a couple of years and we haven't heard from him for nearly a year even though he lives in the same town. I guess he decided he didn't want to be involved. I've heard from people that because we weren't married at the time of his birth I would have to file for custody. My ex signed the declaration of paternity and is on the birth certificate, however he hasn't responded to child support services and their attempts to reach him to establish a child support order. I heard he was arrested about 2 months ago for dealing/transporter marijuana. He was released on bail right away and as far as I know because it's his first offense/arrest he will likely only get a fine and maybe probation. I'm wondering if now is the time to go to court to establish custody and I wonder what the liklihood is that the court would grant me sole physical and legal custody? Would they try to get my ex involved even if he has shown a lack of interest in doing so before? If I wanted his parental rights severed would it take more than him just not coming around for a year? Would I have to prove him unfit? Would the judge make the decision or would my ex have to agree to sign his rights away? If my ex doesn't want to be involved or even pay child support I would prefer him to not have the right to come in and out of my son's life whenever he likes down the road... and also tell me if I can or cannot move, etc. I would also like my son to have my last name if I'm going to be the one raising him alone. I think it would just make more sense. Why should he have a man's name who walked away and doesn't want any part of him? So, how do I go about this? And what happens if I file for custody and my ex doesn't show up to the court dates? Do I automatically get what I ask for? Any info helps. Thanks.

  • Answer:

    talk to a lawyer about all this.

Libra lass at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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What you want to do is really tempting. But you need to get some serious advice before you proceed. It is important to consider the character of the person you are cutting out of your child's life. Is he really worthless? Doesn't he love your son at all? Do you have a replacement for him in your son's life? Do you have an explanation to give to your son? Remember, you are effectively terminating your ex's parental rights. Even if this is not a criminal act, it has moral implications which can be held against you when your son reaches adulthood. Not to mention that, whatever, YOU think of your ex, you son will always derive some of his sense of worth from this man. Therefore, if you cut him out of your son's life and tell him that it was because he was worthless, then your son will always think of himself as the son of a worthless man, a quitter, a child-abandoning louse. Give him something to dream about, something that will make him proud of himself and his lineage. If the man lives in your town, then it's possible that he could change his mind and cause a serious embarrassment to you. I wonder if your best bet wouldn't be to speak to a mediator who could help you to resolve this problem with your ex. Maybe you can persuade him to willingly and officially surrender his parental rights. Get him to put something in writing agreeing to stay out of the child's life. Hopefully you won't be called upon to pay him or compensate him in any way. Put your mind to this and think it thorough before you act. I am sure you can come up with a great solution where all three of you win. (PS: I wrote son. But maybe you have a girl? Sorry)

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