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I had a crappy childhood and I want the childhood I never had. Help!?

  • I am about to be 30 years old and I have been trying to reclaim the childhood I never had. My real father took off before I was even born. In 1982, my mother met a man that would eventually ruin our lives over the course of 20 plus years. My mom knew when he first met him he was no damn good, but she had 3 kids and married the jerk anyway. He was verbally,emotionally abusive to all of us, especially me. She left the discipline up to him. Including being hit with a belt. I remember when I was 8 years he tore swiches off a tree and whupped my *** with them and it left welt marks. It was over something dumb. My mom was never home, she was always working and he was too busy getting high and drinking to keep a job. Since he wouldn't work, my mom had to. Most times since my mom was at work I was left home alone starting at age 5 years old while she was at work during the day in summers and after school. From age 8 on up I was forced to babysit and never had a life in or out of school. On occasion when I was free I would go to one of my so called friends house and stay out until evening. I hated being at home and being alone. I grew up so fast and looked for attention in the wrong places. Between 1984-1989 we moved 10 times from different states to different towns. My mom had minimum wage jobs and he would take the rent money and spend it. We were evicted from several apartments and rooms. He stole our stuff and use it to support his drug habit. She eventually divorced the fool, but the damage has already been done.I live on my own now, but I am having difficulty dealing with never having a childhood. I grew up in the 1980's and I have been trying to reclaim some of that. I intend on fixing my place into a 1980's decor. I only buy 80's stuffed animals (care Bears, etc) 80's posters, 80's music and only have 80's video game systems. I spend hours watching 80's commericals online several times per week. It makes me cry. I spend what little money I have to fill my place with anything 80's. I just want the time back I lost. I know I can never go back, but is it normal to want to go back to your childhood and try to live it how you wish you had it?

  • Answer:

    I know that I can't do anything to change your past, but i am sorry that you had such a terrible childhood. This is the problem that is going on in America, moms and dads are having babies, dads urn off, the mom finds a new lowlife boyfriend( it doesn't always go this way, but a lot of times unfortunately) and then the boyfriend beats the kids. That is why I want to be a social worker so that i can help kids who were like you and give them a better home. It's natural and understandable for you to want your childhood back; you didn;t have the one you wanted and deserved. But it is best to live in the future and not the past. Put the past behind you and try to forget it as much as you can. I hope you can find ways to heal from this. Maybe you should volunteer at a children's homeless shelter and help other kids. Mentor children so that they can hopefully have the life you never did. And when if you ever do have kids, give them the best life ever. The childhood you were never able to have, fill their lives with love, compassion, and sincerity. Also it might help if you saw a counselor. Start writing a journal expressing your feelings and what happened; it really helps. i know that you will be able to recover from this. Be strong. If you ever need someone to talk to or to listen, just email me about this. Best of luck to you.

emerald at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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Personally I would recommend counseling. What happened was horrible, but you need to move on, not re-create your childhood. Stop buying things in the 80s and start having a real life now.

Sam H

I know that this is going to sound harsh, but get over it! It doesn't matter who or what happened in your life you are 30 years old and it is up to you to make your life better. I am all for having fun but you will never have the childhood that you want and you will ruin the remainder of your life if you don't realize that. I am guessing that you don't care about this man.. and if that is the case then why are you giving him so much power over your life? As far as 80's decor and whatnot, that's all fine and great if it makes you happy, but if you are just doing it to reclaim something that you feel you are owed then it is just going to end up holding you back in the end. But you are RUINING what is left of your life by torturing yourself with something that you will never have!! Sitting and watching something that makes you cry does NOT sound like very much fun to me. You have to let it go. You can't change the past. So don't let it ruin the future or in 30 years you will be looking back and doing the same thing, Wishing you hadn't screwed your life, but this time it will be totally and entirely your fault. I had a crappy childhood also, but I have realized that I can't do anything about that. However I can decide the rest of my life. So I let it all go... Now I am married with three beautiful children and the best I can do about my childhood is make theirs great.

Navy Wife

You can't relive the past. How about having the best 30 year old experience you can have?

Airmech

It's better to let go and live in the present. Trying to relive it will make you even more sad as you will get flashbacks of all the bad things that happened. You could also ask a psychologist for help. Your case is common.

IDK

I had a similar childhood, maybe even worse and the answer is not trying to find your childhood or relive it. Thats the last thing you want to do. The answer is more about having goals and plans for your future and working on that. I'm much better off when I do not dwell on the past. I suggest you get counseling to work through the bad memories but focus on your life now and what you want to do with it.

Emerald, although you certainly did have not a very happy upbringing it still could have been worse. I realize that it sounds impossible but trust me it is so. There are others who live in third world countries who would have given their left leg to have lived your live. But enough of the tough talk bull. Fact of live is that there is probably nothing wrong or abnormal with wishing to relive the life you wish you had been raised with but do not allow yourself to go overboard in either self pity or attempting to reestablish this time frame. Hopefully someday you will be a proud parent and at that time you may be able to relive some of the childhood you wished you had by making live as easy and nice as possible for your children and experiencing the world through their eyes. Please do not overcompensate for them by making your dreams theirs but allow them the experience to dream and have a live filled with wonderful memories of growing up. This will be great therapy for yourself also. In addition it may be a good idea for you to do some form of volunteer work for the less fortunate of society as it would help them and may help you to see that others also have not got perfect lives either. Best of luck.

crazylegs

You need to do what makes you happy. 80's decor and items from them seem to be comforting to you. But remember, that you can't go back, only forward. Make sure that you know the signs to watch for when you go into a relationship so that you don't unconsciously get the same type of man she did. The best thing you can do is learn from her mistakes and your childhood. Let it go and be at peace with what you can (I know, some you can't...been there and have a background similar to yours). Surround yourself with what you love and desire (if it's 80's stuff, fine!). Another avenue I've tried is writing stories about events. You know what really happened but change it and make it happy instead of how bad you remember it. Your imagination will help you get over the bad memories and move on.

babyjane564

I don't mean this to be cruel but no, it's not normal to try and reclaim your childhood to the extent you are. It sounds like you could certainly benefit from some sort of therapy to work through your unresolved issues. You will never have a healthy adult life until you can realize that the past is behind you and you can only learn from it - not change it or recapture it. Good luck to you!

Leaf

You need to seek professional help. You had a rough childhood and it doesn't sound as if you've been able to get your life together. Your mom made lots of mistakes, but you're an adult now and cannot be fixated on everything that happened to you in the past. In order to move on, you need to let go of all the resentment and pain these memories cause you. Seek help. You need therapy. Some people are capable of doing it on their own, but you seem to really need professional help.

MiaMonique

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