How do I deal with a gender identity problem? I look very masculine yet I don't like being seen that way?

First of all being attracted to women doesn't mean someone is not MTF, there are lesbian MTFs what you're saying is a little confusing because you say you don't want female organs but in a perfect world you would be female? What do you mean by that? If you want to be thinner diet and do non-muscle building exercise,

If you want to be seen as less macho/ protector, I would really work to slim down your muscle and weight. My wife who is MTF did this very slowly and without me knowing why she was doing it before she came out to me. We've been together since our freshman year of high school. In senior year she was roughly about 230 lbs or so and it took a good 2 years to slim down to her 145 lbs now. It made a DRAMATIC difference in how she feels and how she sees herself. Maybe by dropping the weight and muscle it may help you feel more how you want to feel. I would work on that, try eating less - no dieting just eat less of everything as well as try to cut out any candy or sweets, drinking only water and natural juices with 100% juice. Swimming, biking and running will help you lose weight and it will tone your muscles but not give you the added bulk like weight lifting will. Everyone though on gender is different and that's not a bad thing. I would seek out a therapist specialized in gender or sexology. They can help you with what you may want to do or just be someone to talk to about your gender issues beyond what most of us on YA can do. You need to find a woman that just accepts you for who you are, sadly they are hard to find, but have faith, because we are out there.

One hell of a lot of us have issues with out body image. As a kid I was terribly overweight and then went through anorexia and then bulimia (yes in that order). Luckily friends put me back on the right path, and got me thinking straightish about what I was really wanting (oh my go this is sounding like an infomercial). I still think my bum is big (though I know its not), and there are times even now 26 years on that the idea of starving myself or binging appeal, but they solve nothing. All I can do is look at myself and think whats really best, damn I'm a 44yo guy and I get wolf whistled by women even though I do look like I was dropped on my face at birth! You are a good looking guy, sure you can diet and that will change your appearance to a degree, it won't change your bone structure, the best you can do is look objectively at yourself and figure "what can you do" (I agree you'd make an unconvincing woman - as would I, though it not my desire). I've included a link to a book on body image that's coming out shortly. Ok, the author has her own issues and is therefore not entirely subjective, but it could be of use (I've already got my copy on order - how metro is that!).

I'm a lesbian so I'm not sure my answer counts but I think your black and white photo is gorgeous, your eyes are really deep and thoughtful. I see your quandary, I really do, but you can't change your physique to that extent. You need to work on loving what you have and accepting it. I think you're with the wrong types of women, if you tell us about your insecurities, most of us will try to help you out, not make you feel worse about yourself.

Take up dancing, preferably something graceful like ballet. You can also change your weight issues, but do contact a health care professional before doing that. Its unhealthy to lose more than .5-1 lb of weight a week. Start wearing bright colors and fabrics that make you feel more feminine. Best.