What are living expenses for Florence, Italy?

My girlfriend and I have a child, she lives with me, but refuses to discuss any living expenses?

• I'm really at a loss for what to do. My girlfriend moved in with me several months ago, said she would help pay for living expenses (nothing officially agreed upon, but talks came out to about 20% of total mortgage + utilities). 4 months later, I have received less than half of what I expected for a month (mind you, this is just ONE month, not 4). The baby has arrived. Everytime I bring it up, she ignores me. I feel like a nag, but it's the only way the topic ever gets brought up. I feel like she resents the fact that, because I was able to handle my bills without her assistance before she moved in, I'm asking her to help. We are both young, middle aged adults that make a good living (I make about 25% more than her). If living expenses were to be proportional, the split should technically be 75/25. Just the other day, I finally get her to talk, and I come to find out that she is getting ahead on her bills with the extra money so she can afford the month off work she doesn't get paid for. Is it wrong for me to be upset about that? I told her she should be regularly contributing to our living expenses and that I would cover the month she needs help with. I don't think it's fair that she gets ahead, while I'm still in limbo with my bills covering ALL of our living expenses. We've even taken on home projects under the premise that she'd help pay, and I haven't received a penny. I feel like I'm getting the shaft. She is secretive about her bills. She does have one large bill for her daughter's education, but I don't feel it's fair that I assume the burden of what the daughter's father should be helping her pay for. She receives no assistance for her daughter. I do consider this, but have no idea where the rest of her money goes, nor will she make it my business. This creates a huge amount of distrust and it's to the point now that I want to kick her out of the house (just out of principle), but I'm a well mannered Southern boy, I love my baby and I love her. I suggested that she takes a loan out to cover those expenses as that's what I would do in a situation like that. that's what most people I know would do. Seems common sense. I'd be devestated if the baby grew up anywhere but my home. I need advice. So, 1) lets rule whether or not I'm an *** for expecting her to contribute. I've seen another post similar to mine from the woman's perspective and all of the comments ripped the man a new one (of course it was obviously written in spite). 2) What steps should I take to protect myself? The fact that she isn't helping out financially nor wants to discuss it, indicates that her motives may be selfish and possible destructive to our future. 3) How would you go about fixing a situation like this? How do I conquer stubborness if that is what it is? I want nothing more but to make things work, but it feels like she won't make it work. And the killer is usually within minutes/hours of our conversations, it's like everything is perfectly fine and we are one happy family. Where is the sense of urgency with this problem?

• Answer:

  If the two of you are living together and raising a child together, then of course you must share the expenses. No intelligent woman would say otherwise. Expenses should be split in a manner proportional to income. You should open a joint household account to which both you and she contribute in a proportional manner. It should cover joint expenses -- mortgage, property taxes, utilities, groceries, and the child's needs. The remainder of your income can go into individual accounts, though both of you can use those individual accounts to purchase extra items for your child if you wish. No man should be required to pay all of the expenses for a woman and a child if the woman is working. If she is not, then her full-time care for the home and the child "earns" her a share of the man's salary, but even then, financial decisions must be made jointly. If this woman doesn't understand this simple reality, then I think you two need couples and financial counseling in order to figure out exactly what this relationship is all about. Because frankly, I don't think you know, and I also think this woman may be using you. Get the counseling -- insist on it -- and in the meantime, set up a household account and put your other assets into a personal account. Don't let this woman be an authorized user on your credit cards and document all of your expenditures on your child. Don't put her name on your title deed. Something smells about the lady's attitude. You might also consult a lawyer about custody issues, because I've got a bad feeling that she might hold you up for money in return for custody in the future. Not all of us are gold-diggers. Most of us are not. Stand up for what's right and fair, and good luck to you.