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How Many Weeks Are Left Till Xmas?

Just looking for a little advice on how to cope with the loss of my mom and I am now 37 weeks pregnant?

  • She got diagnosed back in January 2009 with stage 4 lung cancer. she went thru 3 different chemos and also radiation in her spine and nothing seemed to work, at all. we had a terrible year, she got admitted in roswell park cancer institute on Mothers day weekend and had to have her lung drained b/c it was filled with so much fluid. basically all of the holidays have been awful this year. when my fiancee and i found out about this, we knew what the outcome would be. we had been engaged for about a year and said we were not going to rush a wedding (we have also been together for 5 1/2 yrs now). but plans soon changed when my mom got sick. we started planning a nice little wedding for August 2009 but the week that we were suppose to sign contracts and put down deposits etc. I found out I was pregnant. The wedding plans quickly got put on hold b/c that was way to much all at once. Needless to say, In July The doctor at Roswell said that there really was nothing more they could do and they recommended Hospice. We left there that afternoon and went out to dinner (mom dad my sister and i). mom didnt say much and it was hard to look at her b/c she kept holding back tears and it made me wanna cry. We met with Hospice in August and she was in and out of the inpatient unit b/c her pain was so unmanaged they wanted to keep closer eye on her. she came out of the unit mid august and she made full funeral arrangements and picked out a headstone and everything! she took me shopping for the baby, bought the crib etc. then the week after labor day in Sept. she got admitted again into the unit and never came home. She passed away on Sept. 28th 2009 and her 51st Birthday would have been Sept. 29th. She told us the week before she passed that she wouldnt be here for her birthday. I'm having a very hard time with this for obvious reasons. I'm also angry or regretful that Mom didnt talk more about what was going on with her. she didnt express any feelings about it and we never wanted to just bring it up all the time. i know she was more worried about all of us, esp. dad but I feel like for MY own good, I wish she would have talked more. I know its selfish but maybe i would feel better? i dont know. I had written her a couple letters b/c it was easier to share things that way (no tears). I also wrote a nice poem and letter for the pastor to read at her memorial service for me. So I know that she knows how I feel and what I was going thru but... I'm 37 1/2 weeks pregnant now (due on Dec. 12th) and I am so depressed and miserable and dreading thanksgiving (this thurs.) and Xmas... This would have been her first grandchild too.. :( Any advice??

  • Answer:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its hard. My step dad ( who i consider my father, never really had much to do with my real father and couldn't care less) passed away so unexpectedly, my son was 6 months old, on canada day we went to my mom's and dad's and had a huge BBQ. he was perfectly find. that week i had called him to tell him i was tired and wasn't going to come over ( on Saturday i promised to come see him on wednesday) i talked to my mom for about 20 minutes, my step dad had just went to go lye down he had a head ache, nothing unusual and an hour later my sister called to tell me he passed away. i was so confused and hurt. but then my mom went down hill ( she was sick to begin with) and is now in the hospital and they aren't sure if she is going to make it, I'm 35 weeks, and at a complete loss. SO i kind of know where your coming from, its hard but just remember ( what i do) is its also not good for baby, and think about how wonderful it will be to have your baby, as much as your gonna want your mom there, she is...just not in body...just her Spirit and i'm sure she will watch over you!!!! I'm sorry for your loss and try to keep a smile on for your baby, that baby needs you, soon it will come into this world and will need you to love and protect and take care of it.so you need to give your all to your sweet angel!

Tina at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sure that she didn't want to think about what was happening to her, so that is why she never spoke about it. When I was 14 years old my grandpa died, and I know that it doesn't seem like the same thing, but that was very hard on me and he went into the hospital on Palm Sunday and I got to visit him one last time that day, and we drove back to Tennessee and then Easter Sunday my aunt called to tell us that my grandpa had died. Easter is still a very hard holiday for me because I lost the only grandpa that I had ever known. The following year in June I lost my grandma (my dad's step mom) and my uncle (my mom's oldest brother), and I came to realize that every time I missed Christmas at my grandma's house that someone died in my family, which is hard for a 15 year old to really cope with. When I was 17 I came home from school with my 6 year old brother and my sister and found the house empty. My parent's were no where to be found. I searched the farm and found no one, I couldn't understand why no one was around. We got a call about an hour later from my dad, he was in KCMO with my mom because she had been life flighted to a hospital in the city because she had a heart attack around lunch time. I was so scared I had no clue what to do, I couldn't believe that my mom might not ever come home again. In the end she was in the hospital for about a week after her heart surgery, and she got to come home. My husband and I this past year got married by a Justic of the Peace because we didn't want the hassle of a large wedding. This was a week after my great grandma's 100th birthday, that may seem old but she was in very good health. My job wouldn't let me off work so I could make it back to celebrate her birthday, so I missed it. One month, one week, and one day pasted since her birthday and my mom called to tell me that she had passed away. I called my husband crying so hard that he came rushing home from work to find out what happened. I told him and then I went to work to see if I could get 2 days off to go to St. Louis for my grandma's funeral. They gave me the time off, thankfully, and my husband made all the plans for the trip. That was a very hard funeral for me to get through because I had seen her at Christmas and she had been so healthy, I still don't understand what happened in such a short time. This year has been hard for me, but with my husband standing by me, he has been my rock and my way through a very hard time. My only advice to you would be to lean on your fiance and talk with him about your feelings. Just remember that your mom is just a whisper away. You may not be able to see her, but she is always standing close by. She has already met her first grandchild, and they are playing as we speak in heaven, until your mom sends him/her down to be born and to go home with you. A loss is never easy to get through, but when you have a strong relationship with someone you can tell anything to, it will be a helping hand through your time of need. I wish you the best of luck, and during this holiday season remember all the good things about your mom and her love for the holidays and forget the bad. She will be there with you, and she is just a whisper away. It will be hard this Thanksgiving and Christmas, but as long as you look to the positive side of things, you will get through it!

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