I really regret giving my daughter up for adoption, what do I say to her?

Adoption is usually a great thing. I'm serious. None of this is your fault. What happened to your daughter usually does not happen to children that are adopted! Usually they go to loving homes. You just need to tell her you love her and ask if she would like for you to pay for her to see a therapist. Good luck..

At least you had a legitimate reason to give her up. My mom gave me up when I was 5 (she was 23 at the time) so that she could live her crazy life and not be held back by a kid. Then she went on to get pregnant 4 more times, gave two more kids up for adoption (one at 6 weeks and one at 3 years) and had two abortions. She has been "clean" (not on drugs anymore but still a serious alcoholic) for about five years. Anyway, the people she gave me and one of my sisters to were ridiculously abusive (like how were these people even allowed to adopt a DOG let alone two children????) and the people she gave my other sister to actually threatened to give her back up for adoption. Don't try to give her excuses, just tell her that was the only choice you had and if you had to do it all over you would do it differently. There is nothing you can do to change the past, only make the future as positive and meaningful as possible! She will either get over it or she won't, but that is all up to her. I got over it, but my younger sisters still struggle. It was a personal choice I made to not let the people who hurt me win. It sounds like you are doing a good job being there for her now. Just continue and be a good friend, that should mean more to her than anything!

You need to express all of this to her, just tell her that you are sorry about her past, but that you really believed you were doing the best thing for her. Just reassure her that you are here now and always and just make it a great relationship now. Also, be willing to listen and support her if she needs/wants to talk about her past, but if she doesn't don't force it. Also, if she ever pushes the issue just explain to her that you were 13, at 13 it would have been nearly impossible for you to raise her, as you were just a baby yourself. Good luck, so glad to hear you two are close now, take this second chance and run with it!

I dont think there's really much you can do now, except to tell her that you love her, & you had no choice but to give her up, & if it was up to you, that you would have kept her. Make her feel as loved as possible now & probably some counseling would help out a lot with this situation. Tell her that you're glad you guys found each other now & at least you have your future's to look forward to together. Best of Luck! ♥

There is a book to get: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive parents Knew Author: Sherrie Eldridge The book will be useful for you as well as her. I Am 31 I am also adopted so is my brother who is 4 yrs older then me we were adopted at infancy from 2 sep women. Our Adptd. father died and our adptd. mother became horribly abusive to us. My brother is 35 now and has extreme anger issues towards his natural mother who he has never met as well as our mother. I have met both of my biological parents I do not care for my biological mother while my bio. father I talk to is great. I understood why I was given up. Even though I always have understood the reasoning behind it the pain has been tremendous in many aspects. I have read this book (I am one for burying my emotions) it has helped me to understand my actions and emotions growing up as well as erratic behaviour, other then being raised by a lunatic who has the emotional stability of a 4 year old that I feel I have to emotionally parent now. Open up to your daughter, listen to her, and even though it is human nature do not give excuses they are not comforting, give facts because they are real and truthful. She may be angry but you both will get through it. I don't know you, but I am very proud of you and even though you weren't there for her over the previous portion of her life because you care and have always cared you are a good mother. I wish you both the very best life together. And yes, I still am bitter.

its good that she wants to live with you. just try and be there for her. have "mother daughter", nights & days. explain to her you were 13, she might understand.

All you can do is tell her that you were 13 and just weren't able to take care of her.You didn't know that she was going to be in the household that she was placed in.You both cannot dwell in the past.You have to accept it as it is, a lesson and learn from it.The most important things now is, that you two are together.Finally.That is all that matters.With time, you both will heal from old wounds because of this situation.Now, you two can do it together. Also, you should be against adoption just because this situation happened.Not all adoptees are mean and spiteful people such as her adoptive parents.

You can not take that pain away but what you can is listen and understand. She also has to understand you also if she is living with you then talk and be open. Time will heal you both if you want to be healed.