My MIL calls me selfish because I prefer to be a working mother rather than a stay at home mother?

I am a stay at home military mom. This is a really individual decision. So you just need to make the one that is right for you and not worry about what she says. For me...the idea of letting someone I didn't even really know raise my kid was out of the questions. I wanted to be the one to influence them the most and spend the most time with them. I am willing to make sacrifices in income and personal goals to do that right now. It is not for everyone though. I have many friends who were miserable being home and needed to go out and work. They actually got depressed and stressed out being home. Personally I enjoy it. I would love to finish school, but until my kids are a little older I consider this my job. Good luck with the decision you make for yourself. I believe both scenarios can turn out healthy wonderful kids.

If you don't want to put anymore friction between you and your in laws I'd recommend the smile and nod routine. Just say, thanks for your concern I can tell you really love your grandchild- so do I and I always make sure she has the best I give her. Then drop it and do what you need to do in your life away from your MIL.

So here is the wisdom I can offer you from my experience thus far: I commend you on educating yourself, you would be incredibly irresponsible to sit at home have babies while your husband brings home the money, and just magically assume life will not throw you any curve balls. But set aside the practical purpose of educating yourself, just expanding your mind is incentive enough. Moving beyond that, and while this may sound like a cliche, a happy person makes a happy mother, so long as your needs and quest for happiness is not detrimental to your child's and husband's happiness or well being, then good for you. Basically sweetie, there is no right or wrong, we are all different, with different belief systems and needs, so long as you lay your head down at night and feel that you have done right by those you love and love you back then just let all the other BS slide away. I understand your husband by what he says about blowing it off. I never used to get it when I first got married, my husband used to say the same thing to me about various issues with my inlaws. I have come to realize that it's not that he is a mama's boy, it's just that men look at this stuff differently. He would be a mama's boy if he supported her views against yours continuously and it was he and she dictating your life, and by the way you describe your life (the little you have shared with us) it certainly does not seem to be the case. You seem to be doing what you want with your family despite your MIL's moans and growns. So let her go on, so long as you and your husband are okay, and are agreeing on the course and action of your life to hell with your MIL, in my case I gained their respect. I cannot say if I gained their love, it really doesn't matter much to me personally. Really at the end of the day if you tell her where to go, or if he does will it change anything? She will probably continue to believe what she wants to believe about you and your decisions, and my experience has shown me that actions speak much louder than words, we did what we wanted, always united despite what anyone had to say and people (MILS) tend to just back off once they see that no matter what they say or do you will do what you want cause you do not recognize their intrusion. You have to show her who is boss in your life by actually living it and doing what you want to do with it despite her ranting and raving. If you give her a say and address her nonsense you give her premise! So long as you and your husband are okay just tuffen up and ignore as best you can!

Explain to her that if it wernt for the economy you wouldnt be trying to bust your tail pipe to become something and instead of critizising you she ought to be dayum proud that HER son has a woman who could take care of HIM the home AND the kid and HER in a nursing home if it ever came to it, when things go hay wire, meaning if your hubby was ever to lose his job or be laid off for a short time ( surgery car wreck) anything or if he needede time off to maybe cope with lets say a death in the family some one like the MIL who im sure hes very close with , then YOU as a wife and mother would be able to maintain and that she should be proud of the fact that her son found a wife and not a lazy mooching hookah that most younger chicks are today... good luck!

I would tell her plain and simple that you are doing what you think is best for your child, and that some women are meant to be SAHMs and some are not. You feel that you will be a better mom for doing this, and will always make her care a top priority. I would finish by saying that she doesn't have to agree with you, but you and your husband have to decide what is best for your family and together you have decided that this is best and this is a closed issue. If she persists further, tell her if she can't leave this topic alone then you will no longer come over to visit (or she will no longer be welcome to visit). She can't constantly put down the decisions you and your husband make, especially if your daughter can hear her.

So tell your mother in law she is right...You are being selfish...but I mean that in the sence that you are doing this for yourself...not that there is anything wrong with it! If you aren't happy in what your do with your days then you can't be a good mother. You will eventually start resenting your role as the mother and housewife if it isn't what you want to do all day. To be there for your family you need to be fullfilled as a person first. Personally though I believe if a person does not need to work and that they just want to work they should put that work time into volunteering with different organizations so they don't take a job away from someone else that actually needs it....but that's a whole nother subject.

I agreed with you, Your husband is a big mom's boy! If I were you, I would tell her TO END relationship with me and just leave me alone and my goal future whatever I wanted. If your husband behavior little boy or begin a complain! Tell him, to MOVE OUT! No matter he MUST pay your daughter's need. your daughter are 11 months old is still toddler. You are more grow up than your husband and husband's mother. She jealous that what you got! She DON'T! She have no chance to get anythings in idiot 1920's Now 2009, you get whatever you can chance. fcuking her! she' jealous, she brainwashing your husband's brains period! You are 22 years old! I am 22 years too! I'd made your husband and MIL would HATE me! I don't really care because its ANNOYING! You are doing great, and your daughter is very happy. Don't let her by herself with her own grandmother or she would become like her! So BEST TO MAKE HER BECOME LIKE YOU!, MOTHER & DAUGHTER is most thing IMPORTANT than your idiot husband and in-law-monster mother!

So, the website below offers suggestions on how to handle people who think their ideas are better than yours. Ideally, the answer to your question is to have your husband address it. As much as you do and will have a relationship with your MIL, it's HIS mother, and having him deal with it is likely to be much more affective. If he's been a momma's boy up to this point, here's his opportunity to make a change in his life. It is (undoubtedly and unquestionably) his responsibility to "run interference" between his old family and his new family. He should say, "Mom, we've heard what you have to say on this topic, and we sincerely value your opinion. However, we have made this decision as a family, and it's working for us, so I'd appreciate it if you'd let it go." If that doesn't do the trick, or if she brings up the topic before he can have this conversation, a few good responses are: "Thank you for your input." (And that's all...don't discuss it further). Or: "Why would I want to do that?" (And then wait for her to answer your question with info that you've already addressed). You could also try" "That won't be possible." (Again, that's a whole sentence - you don't need to embellish). You could also just say, "God has a different calling for me." And for what it's worth, I believe this to be true about many of us. Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM. Many of us provide more for the planet by working outside the home, than we could being with our kids all day.

It is an individual decision. I am a stay at home mom because ( and please don't take offense) I feel that a child really needs their mother at home. I want to provide that security for my children of having mom at home to make their meals, I also homeschool because I feel that my children will learn more & I don't like daycare because it kind of creeps me out to think about paying someone else to take care of my kid for me. I am 23yrs old & I have a 13yr old step-daughter who has severe Psoriasis & I homeschool her because she was failing in public school, I have a 5 & 1/2yr old step-daughter that visits every other weekend, a 4yr old that i do preschool with & a 19 month old. All girls. I've been married for 2yrs & have been with my husband for 5yrs. He works & I stay at home with the kids & I feel that because of our choice our family has really blossomed. Now, there are some people that judge SAHM's & think that they are lazy b/c they don't work or they are under some kind of control from their over bearing, possessive husband, have no identity in themselves w/o being a mom etc etc... I don't really care what they think, opinions are like buttholes everybody has one. It is not your mother in laws life, it is your life. I don't know how to be honest with her without offending her unless you have your husband speak on your behalf. I would just say, we all have one life & it's up to each of us how we live it & while I respect your opinions this is how I choose to live my life & it is up to me no one else. My mom in law likes to give me lectures too about everything from cooking, cleaning, how I school my kids, to how we need to go to church, I've been with my husband for 5yrs, I've just learned to say uh-huh, uh-huh, really?, I know, uh-huh, I'll try that sometime, "not" & I just block it all out & don't listen.