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What is float-free arrangement?

Do you think an every other week arrangement is good for husbands children ages 5 and 7?

  • Ok, so i am married to their dad. Their dad and I also have a 1 yr old child together and one on the way. Their dad does not pay child support because the mother and my husband signed papers that are already sealed by the court that neither of them pay child support to the other because they have relatively the same income and have the kids 50 percent of the time each UNLESS AGREED OTHERWISE. I think that every other week during the summer is great...but during the school year i dont cuz i think its confusing and hard on them. Even to make up for that...i think that by having them every other weekend we could have them all the time in the summer and the mom just have them every other weekend then. Does this make sense...? Yes i know that either of the parents can take each other back to court for child support and custody which my husband probably wont...the ex has agreed to a different arrangement but of course my husband doesnt want to give up the time with his kids which i totally understand but i think its causing a lot of problems. things getting lost between homes, them getting sick, acting out, and them dealing with two totally different sets of rules (i dont allow them to watch violent tv or play violent games here like they do at their moms), etc. Or maybe we could have them for a month or 2 at a time and switch..i just dont know...i understand that child support could be an issue...which we would gladly pay her a little extra for extra things the kids wanted...if she gave us the kids for most of the time we wouldnt ask for a dollar...she already owes us half the money for their insurance premium that is paid each month by us...this is also in a court sealed document...anyways any suggestions on how to make them see a better arrangement for their children? we are going to go to counseling to discuss some of our problems...but i dont think my husband will budge on changing the arrangement and this is not a ploy to not take care of the kid..this is for their best interest...a lot of time the kids seem to want to be at their moms prob cuz they get to do whatever they want and yea she is their mother cant change that fact..i wish my husband would change the arrangement or fight for custody (but i can see not taking the kids from their mom either) but we do hold over her head that she owes us money so even if the arrangement changes and she thinks she is goin to go to court and try to get support...then she will have to deal with the "back insurance money" she owes us. Help.....

  • Answer:

    At those ages, you won't get any judge to agree to anything greater than every other week in separation. It's too detrimental. Just like how it's every 3 days for kids under age 4. That's just how it is. It's stable in every other week. The problem is the difference in parenting styles. That's where you need to focus your attention. Put on paper when bedtimes are, etc. Maybe meet with the mother every now and then to discuss any issues or concerns that come up. Instead of it being her house vs. your house (which it sounds like), try to unify your front. Right now they're responding to the tension between homes. You don't agree with her parenting style and she doesn't agree with yours. The kids probably act up at her house, too, and make rude comments about not wanting to be there, too. That's how kids are. Things shouldn't be lost between homes--there should be two sets of everything but a backpack. That's just how it is.

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It's just a mess. The kids are either at "mom's" or "dad's", but they are never "home". It doesn't matter which house, but the kids need to have a home that is theirs. It's good you have the kids' interest in mind first and foremost. Good luck.

I don't think every other week is a great idea because yes it can be hard on them during school time. But if they're used to it and like it then it might be okay. It really depends what they seem to prefer. It sounds like they like their mother - she's their mother so it's not very nice of you to say it's only because she gives them more freedom, and you should get full custody, that's probably not what's best for them. I don't think her having them the whole time during school and you getting the holidays is fair. Children should spend school time and holiday time with each parent so the parent gets to spend all different sorts of quality time with the child. Also, school time is much more stressful with early starts, homework, etc and I've seen how unfair this can be on the parent who has that time, compared to the other parent who is seen as fun. Also going that long without one parent could be a real shock and a bit traumatising for a child so young. I think it's best if you guys ask the kids what they prefer, trial that, see how things are working out, and try to calculate child support accordingly to who has them for that time. About the differences in parenting styles, that's just something that happens in divorce, but maybe the parents could agree on something like fixed bed times, how much time on TV/computer, etc. Bear in mind while you are involved to an extent they're not your kids so let the parents work it out. Harriet

I like your idea of the every other weekend and then there mother would get them every other weekend in the summer. I think that you, your husband and his ex wife should talk to a child therapist about what would be best for the children.

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