Fighting over wedding plans and rings, How to balance involvement on picking a ring? and time-lines ?

Ok, first thing. You can't book a date (ie, book a venue) without a significant downpayment. If you can't buy a ring, which comes first, there is no sense in putting money down for a venue. Having said that, I can see her point, because most venues can take a year in advance to get booked. Moral of the story: save like mad for a ring, then immediately save for a venue deposit. About her involvement in the ring. When I was about to be engaged, my (now husband) and I went to a lot of jewelery stores, tried stuff on, etc. Then one day he took me aside after having looked at rings, and said "I think I know what you like, and I'd like it to be a surprise". Women love surprises, especially rings. That was enough to get me to back off, maybe tell her the same thing. Next thing- the wedding fairs. Dont bother going to any now because they wont take you seriously. Wait until she's got a ring then go. Because as I said, the venue is next on the list- and although they might send a rep to wedding fairs, you really dont need to go until its time to pick every last detail (flowers, catering, etc). I went wedding dress shopping 2 weeks before I got engaged because I knew it was coming (he's military, we live apart, and he was coming back for two weeks, and we had talked about it). But I didnt have a ring on and wasnt technically engaged. They didnt really give me the time of day. But a week later I went back (and ONLY because I liked a dress there) with a ring on and wow, different store clerks. It sounds like your gf has wedding fever. Just tell her you'd like for her to have a ring first before the rest comes. Having said that, hurry up and buy that ring! :) Congrats.

Booking a venue BEFORE the engagement is jumping the gun IMO...there's time..she's over anxious and impatient.....which means you need to stay firm but patient. Listen, you want her to love her ring, not dislike it or feel dissatisfaction over it. So determine how much you can afford, call ahead to the store so they show rings that are within your budget and you to go and select the ring together...as nice as you may think it is to 'surprise' her with one of your selection, many brides prefer the excitement of picking out the e-ring together-that way she can be measured and the ring can be sized so it will fit properly from day one. Just because she helps pick the ring, it will NOT change the giddy excitement she will feel when you propose with it..YOU control the when dear so you don't have to completely control the look of the ring...and she already knows a proposal is coming so there's no surprise there to spoil. Compromise is one of the most important things in a marriage...time to practice that NOW.

You are getting ahead of yourselves. We didn't have a lot of money and our rings combined were $300.00 The stone was small but I loved this ring and the brushed gold band. We did the whole wedding thing although frugally. No band, not a ton of bridesmaids or groomsmen, no hall to rent. I helped pay for some of the bridesmaid dresses since a lot of my friends were struggling too. We had a simple church wedding with the reception in the church basement. We did splurge on the food. We did not have a honeymoon until 10 years later. Still it was stressful. Looking back, I wish we had eloped. I think that would have been a lot funner and more meaningful with it just being the two of us instead of having to meet others expectations. First, I would get a ring you can "afford." Work with a jeweler on this. Second, then look into wedding plans, but get a budget going first and don't go over it. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement either. The both of you need to sit down and discuss this together what each other wants This is about spending a lifetime together. Don't let wedding plans or the event get you sidetracked on what a marriage commitment is which is to each other.

This is going to be a hard one, if there is stress already, that does not sound good. You asked for help, so here I go. It sounds like your girlfried is more interested in the wedding/ring plans than in the relationship. To be fighting and tears is not a good sign and you are not even engaged yet. I think you need to go somewhere quiet, a park or a secluded restaurant or someplace where you can be uninterrupted and have a good heart to heart talk about all of this. Believe me, I know--we fussed al lots before our marriage and continued to do so after we married, there were several times when I seriously considered divorce, but I guess we kinda grew old together, he still can push my buttons, but I have learned to ignore him. We still have problems, but I do love him. He has been thru some hard times with me. He is my rock, even though he can drive me crazy with his attitude. So before you go any further, you and she need to do some damage control, back off, chill and if anyone asks just tell them you have decided to wait, if they ask why, just say we just want to wait a while. I know I can say just ignore the nosey_______, but that is hard to do when it is family and friends and you can't have everyone mad at you. You do not owe them any explanation at all. If you decide to wait and "cool off" discuss with your girlfriend what answer to give when people ask. Another thing that might be bothering her is children, at her age I know how I would feel, if you want children which I hope you have discussed, she may be thinking that if I don't hurry up and get married I will be an older Mother or I may cannot get pg. Just talk to her, try to get inside her head and find out what is really going on. Been married 37 years and you have to work at it. My husband though thinks about some things for me and doesn't tell me right away that he is considering this or that. This is crazy, but it might work for you, I cannot talk to him. he immediately gets defensive, so I write him letters, he knows if he gets a letter it is big time, I don't blow him away, just tell it like it is nicely. I have it waiting for him when he gets up or tape it to the steering wheel of his truck so he can read it and "mull over it" (meaning think it thru) for a while. You may need to consider counseling if she will go, she's got bridal mania. Happens to a lots of people. Good luck..

My husband couldn't afford a ring for me until he was 32. Your girlfriend is obviously stressed out about it and in a huge hurry to get the ball rolling. She might not believe it now, but 28 and 29 are not over-the-hill ages to get married. She still has time!! :) Stop going to the wedding fairs. It only feeds her wedding frenzy. I like Garnet's idea about going to pick out the ring together. Know your budget ahead of time, then go select the ring. Do jewelry stores do layaway? I'm not sure, but you can get that part figured out. Once the ring is selected, tell your GF that you're going to work for awhile to pay it off before you propose. Explain to her that you want the proposal to be a surprise, and that you'd appreciate her patience. Save any more wedding planning until after the ring is on her finger.

You can not afford a ring, yet you are making plans to marry?? You both need financial help first. I personally believe it is your ring to give her. You should pick it out. but many women don't feel that way. If you have not ask her to marry you, then why are you even talking about a wedding. You both need to talk about financial issues and what being married means before discussing a wedding. If you plan on getting married in a church, many have pre marital counseling that deals with more than the religious issues of getting married.

Each relationship is different. When it comes to picking out engagement rings some girls want to be totally surprised, while others want to design the ring. Most of the time it falls somewhere in between the two. Many couples go together to get ideas and then the guy goes and picks out the ring after he feels he knows what to look for. I'd reassure her that you have found out all the information that you need. Understand sometimes girls just look to look and there is no hidden meaning behind it. Wedding plans- it should be an exciting time in your life. Sorry to hear that the topic has led to tears. Sounds to me that there is something else going on. Have you asked her why your timing and her timing aren't matching? I agree with one of the other answer that maybe she has concerns with starting a family. Females worry that the older they are there might be medical complications. That could be an avenue to look down. There are many reasons why people get excited about being engaged. She might just be excited that she has found that person who she wants spend the rest of her life with and can't wait for that to happen in her life. Try to keep the communication flowing and understand each other's position on things. Compromise, and try to stay away from slowing down even more because of rebelling on her wanting you to speed up. The waiting game can drive someone nuts lol. Hope I helped!

This is a difficult situation you are in. If she wants to be involved, then tell her how much you have available to spend. That could be one of the sources as to why you don’t want her involved. It’s difficult, but you can find a nice ring – plain but symbolic for $1000.00. If you had to go lower, for example $800.00 there are those out there too. You may have to compromise on quality. If your girlfriend knows the budget you have to spend, then everything is out in the open and the ball will be in her court. The ring shouldn’t be source of conflict and tension if it is understood what the limitations are. The engagement ring can also act like the wedding ring. It is just a physical token of your relationship together forever. Good luck!

Before you jump to venues, first sort out the problems with the ring. It's one thing to know what style of ring she likes but it's a whole nother story to see the ring on your finger. I absolutely adore solitaire rings but before we got engaged my husband and I went to various jewellers and I tried some rings on. But none of the solitaire rings really got me excited, there wasn't a single one that I looked at went "That's my ring". Then a few weeks later I was paging through a magazine and I saw my dream ring... it wasn't a solitaire but when I saw it I just knew. My point is that if my husband had chosen a ring, he would have gone for a solitaire and I would have liked it and loved it because he gave it to me. But because he let me in on the decision and I could look around, I found a ring that I absolutely adore. Rings also don't have to cost you an arm and a leg. Don't go to a chain store mall type of jeweler, they can charge a profit margine of up to 300%. Look around for a goldsmith or for a diamond or gold wholesaler, they get the materials direct from the market and will give you a good price (personal experience). And you'll have more freedom to design a ring. While diamonds are nice, some girls don't like them; so see if maybe she's interested in another gem (saphire, emerald etc). If she really likes diamonds but they're too pricey then perhaps give her the choice my husband gave me: Either get a diamond but it would have to be fairly small (under X amount) or get the ring of her dreams (if it has larger stones) but then the stones have to be either cubic zirconia or mossanite. Then in ten years time if you're more financially stable you'll replace the stones with diamonds. And if you let her choose her ring, you still get to come up with the proposal and that can be an amazing surprise. My proposal was a huge surprise to me and it came after we went to the stores! Also, it's all nice to see the dream ring on paper but actually having it on your finger is incredibly special. So while she can choose a ring, it won't be her ring until it's on her finger and that's your job. Once you've discussed rings with her, or better yet while you're discussing rings with her, then talk about wedding plans. Have a good look at your budgets and see when you could realisticly afford to get married. You've gone to the fairs so you should have a rough idea of how much things cost in your area, you can count a rough guest list and figure out if spring 2011 is too soon or just right. Maybe you should even discuss moving in together as a way to save more money but don't do it until you've agreed on when the wedding should be. If she's better with money then let her figure out a realistic wedding budget. Maybe it'll cool down her fever when she sees the wedding in relation to money. On to venues... like the other posters said, if you've got a specific venue in mind then be prepared that it may be fully booked up to a year or more in advance. So either you're going to have to push the date back to accomodate the venue or you're going to have to shop around for a venue that fits your budget and your date. In other words, compromise. My husband and I had a specific date in mind and I kept on calling venues until I found some that were free on that date. From there we eliminated venues based on what we could afford and what they provided. In the end our venue wasn't really what we'd always dreamed of (looks wise) but it was still a really good venue and we don't regret it. But please, if she does the budget and you agree on it and you can find a compromise with the ring then don't leave her waiting. There's nothing more annoying than having to wait, all the while knowing when you can afford to get married and that the guy wants to get married. Good luck.