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Wedding planning - how do I do this?

How would you deal with this family wedding planning crap?

  • I am getting married very shortly in 38 days on Dec 4th and I have 3 older sisters two of which are my matrons of honor (not to fight over who has the right) both are Pregnant 1st one is due a few weeks after I get married the other one not until April. But the 1st one is upset that we are getting married so close to her due date, even though it's the only day we could do it until June of next year which we do not want to have to wait that long. I have been trying to accommodate my 1st sister the one that is due first and have her be involved with my plans, but every time I have her involved it’s an emotional situation that goes into arguing. She told me specifically that in November she would no longer be able to help me with wedding plans due to her being 8 months pregnant. I then hearing this enlisted our mutual friend and wedding planner to help me with everything else for my wedding so my very pregnant sister could not stress about me or the wedding and can focus on her and baby. She took it as I was taking her role as Matron of Honor and sister and throwing it away, which it wasn't I told her that are mutual friend is going to be helping with the planning so I'm not on my own. And the entire time with planning if I asked for her opinion or help on something she would do something’s just fine but other things she would get upset and say that why don't I just use my planner to do everything and again change plans on me so much that I have to change plans for that day just to accommodate her. Because if I don't I’m flaking on her which I've done out of shear unable to keep the appointed time with her. I am a full time student and my fiancé works full time and he has been helping and giving his input on the wedding. I've been trying to have her involved in what I can have her involved in but it seems like every time I do there is always an issue of her still upset because I have a wedding planner helping me make decisions on what needs to be done and arrangements. Should I just sit her down and tell her that I can't handle the emotional estrogen fest and just tell her to deal with how I’m running my wedding? Or what should I do in this situation?

  • Answer:

    Try not to be hard on your preggnant sis - hormones change a person LOL. If she wasn't preg I would say it's pretty selfish of her to want you to change wedding date to make it more convienient for her but she's preg so much of that attitude gets forgiven. Maybe having her involved is too much stress for her. She can certainly be informed of everything going on with the wedding but maybe you shouldn't expect her to do anything. She obviously, being your sister, wants to feel part of it without the stress of it. Ask for her opion but don't ask her to do a thing. If she offers and insists then yes let her be a part but let her know that her carrying a baby is very important and you don't want her to stress out over trying to do too much for your wedding. And since the wedding planner/mutual friend is a sore spot just try not to include that person in your convo's with your sis. Just tell her what you did, what you're thinking of and what you decided, etc. without mentioning that other person since the mention of that person rubs your sis the wrong way. I'm not saying lie or hide anything. Just try not to bring her up. Good luck

ruthie at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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More than likely your sister is acting this way becuse she is upset that she wont be able to share your big day, and that you might miss hers-- and your sisters, and she is full of hormornes right now. sit her down, tell her you planned a wedding and its been planned for a while, that you love her,and will be in everyone's thoughts on that day, but you can not tell all your guests you are postponing the wedding because she is due...if she gets nasty just say "i am not telling you when to have your baby, dont tell me when to get married" haha jk, but really, i think you you both talk about it and tell her this is upsetting you-- she might not even realize it

First, congratulations to you and your hard-working fiance! Now...C-A-L-M...deep breaths...listen to Jennifer! Does this sister have a history of being the center of attention? If not, she may have had some difficulty getting pregnant, or may have been one of the last in 'her group' to conceive. Maybe she thinks that, real or imagined, she somehow 'falls short' of others. From what you have said, it seems like she feels there is not enough focus on her and the baby and that your wedding is getting in the way. I don't think she intends to be mean about it. But she does need to realize that she's not the only one with hormonal or stress issues! Some ladies just have to act out when they're pregnant; sometimes it's for a good reason, sometimes it's manipulative. Everybody else can't go 'on hold' while she gestates. Sheesh.

Time for tough love. Be it hormones or just a spoiled sister, she is WAY out of line. This is supposed to be a very happy time for you, not one filled with stress. Your best bet is to either sit down with her or write a letter if you think you won't be able to talk without a fight. You need to explain to her that she is causing you stress. Explain that you get very mixed signals from her. Make sure you give very specific examples of times where she made you feel badly and why. Then tell her that you just want a happy wedding and you want to have fun planning it. Tell her you want her involved because she is your sister. Ask her how you two can resolve this issue together and see what her ideas are. If she throws attitude in your face, then tell her that you love her but won't be involving her in decisions any longer. Period.

You sit her down and say, "Sis, I love you to death. There is no one I'd rather have be my matron of honor. You're 8 months pregnant and have enough stress on your plate. Nancy is helping me plan the wedding so that my two knocked up sisters and I can try to enjoy this instead of fretting about it. If there's any wedding job that you want to take on, it's yours. Just tell me and we'll work it out. Other than that, I have lots of decisions to give Nancy and I'd be grateful if I can ask for your opinion as issues arise."

from now on,only involve her in stuff you have to involve her in....she sounds overly sensitive and is misunderstanding your attempts to keep her up to date on wedding preparations by telling her what the wedding planner is helping you with.....especially since in the back of her mind she is thinking that if the timing was different, SHE would be the one doing these things, not a wedding planner. She may be taking it the wrong way-as a rebuke from you because she is not helping anymore.... Do not keep on accomodating her if her reasons for changing dates, etc are NOT real reasons....for example a doctor appointment is a real reason...place only the request that she attend the rehearsal and the wedding upon her...let her ask YOU for any info... ..and just take it one day at a time....she's a mass of hormones, apprehension over the up coming birth and baby care afterwards, plus she's a bit of a drama queen who expects everyone else to arrange their world around her because she's pregnant, or because she is who she is. if she gets too out of hand you tell her that you will handle your wedding as she is handling her pregnancy...neither inteferes in the other's business & keeps their opinions to themselves.

tell her the stress stops now. she should rest and care for herself and the baby .you will take care of your wedding with the professional planner and do not mention any details to her . all she has to do is wear the dress and show up if she can., babies do come early.

do nothing just reminder her and have in the program that she is the matron of honor.. you could still run some ideas by her or tell her but i woudln't read much into it. why for starters she is prego. secondly your too stressed to worry about the little thigs like that .. in the end you'll remember the day your sis not so much,.

You may want to get your sisters and your mother together, maybe for lunch or something and be very straight forward, explain to her that you have the wedding planner because you want everything to go well. Also tell her you understand her condition makes things difficult for her and you are going to others out of respect for her condition. Maybe have your other sister and your mother also talk to her about how everyone knows she has to be careful and none of you want to over work her. If she is reasonable she will not take offense. Bottom line, its your day and no one should add to your stress.

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