How to deal with future mother-in-law problems with wedding planning?

Don't include her in the planning? It's not that difficult.

Just don't include her in the planning. If she brings it up again, just smile and say "Actually, (fiance) and I recently talked to your parents and they had no problem with my cousin marrying us. They just want us to be happy." Is she paying for anything? If not then she has no pull. Plus, it's really up to your fiance to deal with her, she's HIS mother not yours. Also, like Tiger81 said, you can have two officiants, I've never seen it but I've heard of people doing that. But you should really do whatever makes you feel happy. Good luck!

You don't say which "Jewish traditions" you plan on using but I believe some if not all of the wedding traditions are supposed to be overseen by the Rabbi. You might end up really stepping on some toes of practicing members of the family. I highly suggest you hire a wedding coordinator. It is his/her job to research details like this as well as helping to smooth ruffled feathers of various family members during the planning process. Wedding coordinators can also save you money and stress. As a wedding coordinator myself I can tell you we are all pretty resourceful and thick skinned and used to dealing with wedding drama. Best

The way you deal with your MIL now is going to set the tone for the rest of your life as a member of her family. So you can be outraged and cut her out of the wedding planning and ruin your relationship with her, or you can try to have an adult conversation with her. I'm NOT saying you should change your officiant - I'm saying you should talk with her about why you're making this decision and give her a chance to explain why she's unhappy with it. Sometimes people just want to say their piece and be heard, and then they can accept whatever is going on. So call her up, or take her to lunch, and say, calmly, "Sheryl, I've been feeling uncomfortable ever since I told you about our plans for the wedding officiant, and I'd like to try to understand where you're coming from. What is it about having my cousin officiate that offends you?" Then give her a chance to talk. When she's said her piece, you can explain that you weren't trying to offend, and that because you aren't religious, the two of you preferred having a family member do the wedding instead of a secular stranger like a judge. The two of you don't have to agree on the officiant - you just have to agree to be respectful of each other's beliefs. You have an opportunity to have an honest, mature conversation with your MIL - wouldn't that be a better way to join her family than by walking around in a state of self-righteous wrath and cutting her out of the loop?

She says: "You shouldn't be offended by my wishes". You say: "You shouldn't be offended by mine and your son's wedding plans." Repeat as needed.

First, it's fiance (with one "e"). Fiancee is a female. Second, my guess is that your problem is with your fiance, not his mother. If the 2 of you came up with ideas that work for you, and she dumped all over them, it's his job to fix this, not yours and not the 2 of you together. The same would apply if it was your parents interfering. You need to pay attention to this, because if your guy can't stand up to his mom over the planning of a party, what happens when you buy a home or name your first child and she doesn't like what you come up with? In other words, she sounds horrid, but she wouldn't be an issue if your fiance knew where and how to draw boundaries. PS - If she "offered to help" financially, and you accepted this, then she's going to ride roughshod over all the wedding planning, from soup to nuts. So your only option is to decline the money and pay for it yourselves, even if you have to downsize your plans. Also, on your fiance, I'm sure he supports you. It would be scary if he didn't. But that isn't the issue. The issue is whether he can stand up to mom, and this is totally separate. The day she offered the money, he should have gone to her, thanked her for her generosity, and told her that both of you will gratefully accept it, but she is not to interfere with plans that are made. Until he does this, you're looking at months of the same thing you're facing now. It's fine to let someone be "involved"...but you and he should have final decision-making. Until you're at that point, he hasn't stood up to her.

Oh my...you have pretty much described almost exactly what's going on with my future mother-in-law! I was raised Catholic, my fiance Jewish, but neither of us is practicing and we aren't including any religion in our ceremony either. THAT, however, is not her problem. (I should probably mention here that she is not helping to pay for this wedding). First, she hated that we didn't have an engagement party (yet I didn't see her offering to pay for that either). Then, she took offense that we aren't having children at the wedding. Then she wanted to know when I was going dress shopping because she expects to come. Um, no, that'll be me and MY mom, thank you very much. Then she started demanding that we invite all of HER friends to OUR wedding - people we don't even know! And finally, today, she spent the entire morning trying to guilt me into having her more "involved" in our planning, like she is for my fiance's brother's wedding. There's a reason we don't want her involved at this stage, or any stage, really. She's demanding, pushy, unbelievably selfish, and generally awful to deal with. I actually had to call my fiance this morning and beg him to tell her to leave me alone, which he did. He supports me in this, and believes she's in the wrong, and it means alot to me that he does. Anyway, sorry, I know that wasn't really an "answer," just thought I'd let you know you are not alone in the awful mother-in-law department. :) The advice I've been getting from my sister and friends is to let it roll off my back, and to have my fiance deal with her directly from now on. So, that is the advice I'm passing on to you. :) Good luck!

So she'll be offended. Big deal. Honestly, it doesn't sound that bad. She didn't stamp her foot and threaten not to come. She said she'll be offended. Big whoop. Let her be offended. That's her feeling and her problem, not yours. Don't include her in planning. If she asks why you can say you're willing to reconsider but you and your future husband have final say in everything. Your fiance is supportive, so it sounds like you don't have much to worry about. Look, I went through something similar at the very start of wedding planning. My future MIL was offering up unsolicited advice (actually, EVERYONE, even good friends have been! Lol. Just take it in stride.) and saying I could have her old wedding gown and we should just have the wedding in her backyard, and my fiance HAS to get this kind of suit, etc. etc. etc. True, it would be super off putting if she straight up told me that doing this or that would offend her, but oh well. You are your fiance are non-religous, non-practicing and he is going to have to set Mama straight that your wedding will include a few Jewish and Catholic elements to honor each other's culture, but that's the extent of it. She will either accept it or not show up. EDIT: I just realized that I assumed you are paying for your own wedding (because we pretty much are.) So yes, if you are you have the right to have whatever kind of wedding you want. However, if you and fiance are hoping or planning to have familly help in paying, you have to compromise. What I told my fiance was that he and his Mom should pick out the wedding cake. I would prefer she have one thing all to herself to pick out rather than put in her two cents about every other little detail, which is just not all that helpful. So how about assiging her one medium sized task that won't be so huge that it will take over your wedding, but will be a big enough task to take up quite alot of her energy and focus so she doesn't really have time to try to control other details. How about letting her pick out the china and utensils or the centerpieces or something. I went with cake because my MIL is a foodie and as long as the cake incorporates my colors, I could care less what it tastes like. It's cake! Just a suggestion. I don't think her response was worthing of cutting her out of planning. But I can see how you may not want her involved in all the minute details. So just give her one task and it might hush her up and keep her out of your hair.

You're really blowing this out of proportion, it's but one minor disagreement. You have no reason to be angry and certainly no reason to exclude the mother of the groom from the wedding. However, since minor disagreements affect you so much, you might consider paying for your own wedding and then you can have things your way and you don't have to take input from anyone else. If you want the funding you do need to work with contributors and keep everyone happy, maybe more stress than its worth.