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Wedding planning - how do I do this?

How much should a groom be involved in the wedding planning?

  • My fiancee and I live pretty far from our families and we're having our wedding where we live. Since our families are traveling to us it's pretty much on us to plan the wedding. We have a wedding planner so we're not alone but I'm starting to wonder if I'm way more involved than a groom should be. When we start arguing over wedding details I'm left wondering do other grooms deal with this too or is it because I'm stuck playing the role the mother usually has. I always hear that brides have a tough time dealing with their mothers and now I think I'm filling that role and I don't think it's healthy for our relationship but I can't just tell her she's on her own planning the wedding. HELP!

  • Answer:

    My husband helped me plan every part of our wedding. In fact, he made a point to say that it was OUR wedding and OUR day so he had every right to have a say in how it went out. And he had a point. I truly get sick of hearing, "It's the bride's day...she can have anything and do anything she wants." She might as well be marrying herself. Sure, we got the opinions of some of his family members (mine weren't involved). But at the end of the day, he and I went to all of the appointments together and made the decisions that we both wanted. I think it's great when grooms get involved. Obviously it's not a "man thing"...but getting married is a big day in your life. I'm sure when it comes down to it, you have opinions on things when directly asked. Plus, it's a great bonding experience...not to mention, a great test of the relationship. If you two can't plan something as simple as a wedding peacefully, i'd have to wonder how you two will fair when planning everything else that you'll be confronted with in life.

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I have seen weddings where the groom has done most of the planning - so it is really up to the couple. Also it can be a good test of just how strong your relationship is & an indication of how you both compromise & handle financial decisions.

half and a half would be the best way to plan your wedding.

My husband was pretty involved in the planning of our wedding, which I was grateful for. Wedding planning is too much work for one person. We argued over a few of the details, but we always came to a good compromise which is great practice for married life!

You should be as involved with the planning as you want to be. Clearly, what you've got going now is not comfortable for either one of you, or you wouldn't be fighting. Tell her that to stop the fights, you'll back off from the very detailed planning but that you will be there for any decisions she just can't make or wants a second opinion on. Also, tell her that you trust her completely to make the right decisions and then, even if the minister runs off with all of the wedding gifts with the cake under his arm, don't get mad at her decisions. No matter what.

There is no such thing as being too involved.

You should be so grateful for this tremendous gift! What I mean is you have learned ahead of time what she is like. The angst I sense will only get worse after you marry. Marriage is each giving 100 percent as well as also compromising. It sounds ( forgive if I am wrong) like your fiance is immature in that arena. You diplomatically phrase it ' I dont think it is healthy for our relationship' which is very gentlemanly of you but I sense that she does not share your concern. I bet she thinks you are simply wrong about whatever you decide in the planning. People cancel weddings all the time. You are talking about the whole rest of your life, so take time to reflect. Best wishes whatever you decide.

We got a compromise going on with ours. He told me to go through and plan it out( which I am doing with my MOH) and he would go through and OK what he liked then what he didn't like, we could work together on before we bought anything. He is also handling the financial part of it. I am using my taxes and whatever else money we can save up between now and the wedding next yr to pay for it so he is gonna keep me on track with that.

It should be 50/50.

I think because you are the only ones to plan the wedding that she is relying on you for support and to help keep her focused and get things done. If you don't want to start a fight, just let her decide what she wants and don't say anything unless it's really that important to you. My fiancee isn't super involved in our wedding, mostly because he care more about us being married that the wedding. Try not to get stressed out, you want to be able to look back and remember what a great time you had. You're not going to remember you wanted roses and not cala lillies.

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