How can I eat when I am disgusted by food?

Why do I think about food and myself like this?

• All I can ever think about is how fat I am. I can't stop comparing myself to other people, wishing I could be skinny like them. I used to tell my friends this and they would tell m I am skinny, but I quit saying things because I felt like they were only taking pity on me and trying to be polite and it seemed to make things uncomfortable. I've lost a bit of weight this school year and I now weigh what I did when I was twelve. I've only been eating about five hundred to seven hundred calories a day, which I realize is bad but if I eat anymore I feel extremely sick and guilty. I feel like I don't deserve to eat, I need to be skinny first. I find myself looking in the mirror feeling disgusted with myself because of how fat I look. Sometimes when I have a bad day at school, I come home and shove whatever I can find into my mouth. Then I feel so guilty that I eat hardly anything for the next few days. When I eat, with every bite I tell myself how fat I am and how nobody will ever really like me because of it. I feel so gross when I eat. Almost all I can think about is food. I hate it. This all probably started when I would fast for doctor's visits because I didn't want them to think I'm overweight. I wear baggy clothes to cover up my fat because I don't think it's fair that other people should have to see something so gross. I don't like this path of thinking I have. It's depressing. If it helps, I'm fifteen years old, somewhere between four foot nine and four foot eleven, and I weigh one hundred ten pounds, which is down from one hundred twenty-six in December. And DON'T say I will lose my puppy fat because I have pituitary dwarfism and I've been done growing since I was eleven.

• Answer:

  The reason why you think of food all the time is because you are not giving it the amount of food it needs to function properly. Which means you are starving it.You will or already anorexics sweetie. Only you can change it. you don't want to get so weak from not eating and cant move do you. This is the stages I went through.I punished my self for every thing I thought I did wrong or did wrong.I told my self I was fat and no one wants me. I did this slowly for a year and my kid and people around me started to notice I was not fitting in my clothes.My hair started to fall out I started to lose my strength but I told me I was fat.My average weight is 145 at the size of 10-12 I was down to a size 3 and melting away. I didn't know me any more and no strength to really care.Every bite I take I hurt but I learned my body needs it and my baby needs me as well.I had to take anti acids so food will stay down cause my body was starting to refuse food.My husband was scared for me and told me If I don't start eating then I will go to a rehab and that is me going away and not being able to take care of my 6 yr old girl. She only trusts me.Well any ways I know it is hard to deal with but please fix it before it gets to out of hand like I did.Now what ever I do it is for me and my baby. I have been there and is still working on me. The most important thing to do is tell your self I matter and I am beautiful every day one day you will believe it I know. I do just that and I'm starting to count but I still have a road ahead of me but it will be worth it in the end. find some thing that really matters to you and live for that reason every day.you can contact me if you need to.I'm here. Good luck.