How can I be a better friend?

How can I help a friend live a better life?

• My friend and I have both known each other since we were in kindergarten, and at 17 years, he's like a brother to me. The way he's living right now isn't healthy. Let me explain. We grew up together but he moved to Brooklyn a year ago. We are still in very close contact. His dad is involved with drug cartels and the mafia (I know this for a fact, I won't bother explaining why) and he wants my friend to follow in his footsteps. He acts totally different around me; sweet and caring. But with other people, he's polite, until he doesn't get his way, and he if he doesn't gets what he wants, he'll threaten them with guns, knives, or get a bunch of people to beat up whoever he doesn't like. For example, when we were at the movies, as we were walking down the hall to enter the movie, there were a group of guys and one of them decided to smack my butt. My friend went straight up to him and told him to apologize to me right away. When they guy told him to **** off, my friend flashed the gun on his hip and the guy immediately apologized. My friend told me he doesn't want to follow in his dads footsteps. He always wanted to get into something encircling fitness or law. The problem is his dad is drilling nonsense into his head and the fact that he has so many enticing perks doesn't help either. He got to sleep with an exorbitant amount of girls from our school when he was here just because he's filthy rich and bought girls anything they wanted, (and he's very, very good looking so that didn't help ha ha) and has an intimidating reputation. I'm worried his dad is brainwashing him to do what he doesn't want to do, and he may get so used to his lavish and comfortable lifestyle that he may disacknowledge the fact that he is living a very dangerous lifestyle. I REALLY want to help him before he may change his mind about wanting to modify his own lifestyle. What can I do, what can I say, how can I support him?

• Answer:

  Thank you for being concerned about your "brother". Sounds like that friend is playing in life and is not really growing up. People make decisions on their own. Some are good and some are bad. First of all, when a man sleeps with women before marriage, that is a sign of weakness. If your friend had been strong, he would never have taken the action you described with women. Second, sometimes a woman has to take charge to help a man during weakness. (My mother told my father: "Oh, smoke all you want! You don't have the ability to stop!" For three weeks, she would tell him to go out and mow the lawn. "I know you did it yesterday! Now, get out there ... !" When my father no longer had any desire for nicotine and had regained control of his body, my mother handed the reins back her husband.) Sounds like the best way that you could help him is to say something like: "What do you think life is? ... (listen) ... Well, now that I am almost eighteen, I will be (education or moving or employment or ...). Some people live one lifestyle in their twenties and change later to a more solid lifestyle. I've decided not to avoid any change and begin with a solid life. You have been a good friend to me more several years, but I need to move on. And, I pray that you will also choose to enter a more solid life." If your friend says "Good-bye", then say "Good-bye, walk away and don't turn back. If your friend says truthfully (no put-on) "I want to change and have a more solid life", ask some questions and help your friend.