What do i do after i get here?

What can i do if i cant get over someone?

• Hi my name is Marcos, 20 year old, and im afraid to talk about this with my closed friends because they might ask what has happened to me, its been 1 month now or so, since i dated a girl who i used to make out with long time ago, no longer than a year and a half. Back then she felt something for me, thats when i made the worst mistake of my life, i was always avoiding her everytime she was trying to tell me she loved me because i didnt wanted to hurt her, she always tried to tell me she wanted us to be boyfriends, always asking me if i had a girlfriend, always calling me, always texting me, always wanting to go out with me, i even blocked her on hotmail, messenger, because i was really after someone else, she stopped calling me within 1 week, mustve been she realized i didnt wanna give as much as she did. It is true that you dont know what you got till its gone, because i never got the attention of the girl i was after, and i also didnt know that the one who really ever loved will never be back again, then i started to feel lonely, i went from being extremely happy and single to become an alchoholic, someone empty, then i tried to contact her on facebook, re-added her on hotmail, and thanked god i never deleted his e-mail address. We ve talked several times, i was always inviting her out, but never acted, in fact, i didnt even call her to talk about it, it wasnt because i didnt want to be with her, it was because i was short in money, and i didnt want her to know i was broke, so i waited and waited, until i get some cash so i can get her out for a real date, for the 1st time, and start a relationship, time goes by, from march 2011 to december 2011, i ask her out again, talk about her birthday, start to act like someone who cares for her, even though the feelings were real, the days go by, i dont call her, because i never got the money i projected, then finally i get some small amount of cash, small enought to afford a decent date, decent place, lets say a fancy movie theater, that being more than i could never afford, i ask her out for the movie theater, she agrees, we are on the date, its time for a goodbye, what i was waiting for the whole night, the kiss that will make the next date happen really soon, the kiss goodbye, she comes close to me, kissed me softly in the lips, for 1.5 seconds or so, i was the happiest man on earth, it happened a month ago, an event im never going to forget. The days go by, 3 days happened, i called her and asked her out again, in a week or so, she said she didnt know, i tried to tell her how i missed her, i miss your lips, your heat, i dream about you( totally true), she didnt show any sign of being exited at all, i started to call her a lot, i even felt myself like i was obsessed, i stopped, tried to resist, stopped calling her, she didnt text, or called or said anything in hotmail again, she looked uninterest, i begin asking her for a reason, whats going on baby, what im i doing wrong, why you dont text me back, why you dont take nothing seriously anymore, when i obviously knew something was wrong, of course i knew i hurt her in the past, but i wanted her to talk about it, so everything is clear, i was gonna beg her for forgiveness so bad, i was gonna tell her i love her, and only god knows how i truly mean it. 15 days happened or so, i was counting them until yesterday because i couldnt stand so much time without hearing her voice, i woke up tonight, she is always on at 2 am in the morning, doing homework of course, i told her: are you awake baby? i dont know why are ignoring me but i have a serious issue, im in love with you, and you seem to dont care about it, if you hate me so much, just tell me, i understand, if you dont want to talk to me anymore just say it for god sake, i ll leave you alone, but dont do this to me, you are killing me. Im on the ground, on my knees, i know it and i dont care, its worth doing it, if its for her, i deserve to be stabbed in the heart that way. Im someone whose life is not exactly a success, i got no job, never had one, always fail at interviews, fail at almost everything i do, get bad grades in college, im lucky if i get average grades, my own dad tells me im a failure, my house, my room are a mess, i usually go from being confident to having a really, really low self-esteem for example, now, im someone whos afraid of rejection wich means i never try asking anyone out, i may look normal, but ive had a frustrating life, you may see me on the streets acting like im better than everyone else, when on the inside, im a rotting dead body. I cry at night, i ve been crying ever since she started ignoring me, hating myself, asking me why couldnt i love her when she felt the same way about me, the table is flipped, the murder is now the victim, and i dont think i could ever get over her, there is no equal, no one like her, How do i convince myself that i no longer love her, this must be devine punishment, how do i live with myself now.

• Answer:

  This isn't really about the girl, it is about you. What would you have to offer any girl? No job, bad grades and so on. You need to get yourself together if you are going to be a success with any girl, and all this melodrama is not going to help. If this is serious, your college can help you. Tell them about your failures and ask how to turn them into successes as soon as you can. (No girl likes to feel she is responsible for you when you are being self indulgent, so this is not a good way to go about interesting her.)