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How can I trust my bf again?

• How can I trust my man after I found out that he cheated on my with his ex and is lying about it !? We're only together for 6 months now. His ex dumped him and broke his heart. They were going to move together, buy a house and stuff and suddenly she just dumped him. They still had sex and he told me he loves to have had sex with her. (Which already was a major heartbreak for me and I started to think if I wasn't "good" enough. He also compared our sex to theirs....) Well... He repeatedly told me, in the beginning of our relationship, that he did not want me to play any games. Now I find out he is the one playing the games... I really love him. But I found out (I checked his text messages since SHE was still textin him and he told me at least that...) that he cheated on me 3 months into our relationship. I don't yet know if he did it physically but his text messages were pretty clear. I was away then for two weeks and so did not see him. Now all these thoughts have been circeling in my mind..... Yesterday I confronted him with my questions: If he still sees her, if he still loves her, if he wants her more than me etc. etc. etc. He told me over and over that I am the one he loves but he never once said I could completely trust him, or that he would not do anything stupid ever! He told me he loves me and wants to build a life with me... But how can I now trust him? Obviously I did NOT tell him I read his txt!! Now half a year isn't that long and I am very clear of that and also I can understand that it takes a while to really emotionally leave your ex, expecially if you were together for some time and wanted to buy a house and all.... But how can I trust him ever again! He lied to me! I know I should not have read the text messages, but I never got an anwer from him. And there was a feeling in my gut that made me. How can I mend this? How will I find out the truth?? How can I ever trust him again? I wished SHE wasn't in his mind or in our way anymore. But I get the feeling that he can't let her go. No matter what he tells me. And I am this way since I've a history of betrayal. My ex wanted to marry me and have beautiful children with me and was butterin me up with god knows what and after 3 years of -for me- absolutely lovely relationship he just called, told me he would be staying with this other girl he was seeing simultaneously to me and that's that. I had built up wall but they were cracking underneath the good and loving hands of my now bf. And then this incident....... I just simply do not know what to do. I feel my trust and my love are diminished. I feel kinda shattered though I DO want to trust and love my now bf. He is so much I ever dreamed of..... Help?

• Answer:

  You either tolerate the lying or you don't. "...it takes a while to really emotionally leave your ex..." This only applies to the person who got dumped. Dating Rule: NO exes lurking in the background. As a woman, you know you should have done more detective work on this guy before committing to him. Is this the kind of guy you would want your little sister to date?