How Do you Death Grunt?

How do I help my boyfriend cope with death? He's stressed out with all the losses in his life?

• My boyfriend of 8 months has had quite a few losses in his life. in 2010 his best friend killed himself. He slit his wrists while drunk. It was a suicide attempt, a successful one, and also in 2004 his little brother died in an accident involving a four-wheeler. He lost one of his grandmothers a few years ago.... a month after her death his grandfather died as well. He's lost quite a number of people, his Sunday school teacher is right now battling a stage 4 brain tumor, going through very heavy chemo sessions, his uncle also also has a brain tumor, going through with radiation. We talked tonight just as he got out of work, and he scares me so much sometimes when he talks about death. He says that he's had so much death to deal with in his life. He says that if his mother dies, or if his father dies, anymore and he's going to pull the trigger himself and take his life. It's so stressful to me, I get so stressed out when he mentions killing himself, and cursing God. I know death happens for a reason. He is a Christian, he is a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, but there are so many things that have gone wrong in his life, its so easy for him to question his faith! How do I help him cope with death, how do I let him know that I am there for him and how do I let him know that God is also with him that God loves him and hasn't abandoned him? I am so afraid that he's going to kill himself when the day of his parents' death or anyone, even the death of his dog he probably wouldn't be able to handle. I wouldn't be able to handle the news of his death if he took away his life. What can I do? What can I say? What should I feel? Any comforting Bible Verses out there? Any advice?

• Answer:

  Hi! I also experience a lot of death around me, and I know exactly how he feels. He is most likely feeling that God has turned around and stabbed him in the back and taking away all that he loves - that is how I felt in my grieving stages (I am also a christian). Remind him that God takes people for a reason, and when it's our time to leave this world we don't have to be ok with it - but we must learn to accept it as it's the only way for us to move foward with our lives. I lost a childhood friend of mine in 1993 (I was very young at that stage), my Uncle committed suicide in 2004, my boyfriend died in a car accident in 2007, I lost my grandfather and grandmother in 2010, and lost my best friend to a drug overdose in May of 2011. It's a lot to take in, but unfortunately it's all true. I would love to tell you that everything gets better, but sadly it doesn't. I'm still having a hard time accepting the death of my best friend, but I've found that remembering all the happy times and cherishing their life helps a lot. Please, re-insure your boyfriend that he's not alone. This world can be a terrible place, but only if you let it get the best of you. There's not much you can say to make someone feel better about losing someone, but just simply being there if he wants to talk can show that you're there to support him. You may also want to try going to church more often if you don't already. Going to church made me realize that they're in a better place and cannot be harmed anymore. Speak to your local reverend or priest about your situation, you may be able to have a private chat to him. Being able to speak to someone that close to God tends to give you a lot of inner peace. If you both ever want to talk about anything, please feel free to email me at [email protected] Sorry about the long answer. Good luck and take care!