Help, I cheated on my girlfriend... please..?

• OK, me and my girlfriend have been dating now for 14 months.. I love her so much. <3 I cheated on her.. Christmas eve.. I was sober when I did it and was just stupid. Since I had NEVER done this before I figured I could just forget about it and never tell a sole. I didn't even tell my best friend who has helped me through everything. Well I couldn't do it. I thought about it everyday. And as everyday went on, my love for her grew bigger and bigger. 6 months later I broke down. Drunk with my best friend, I told him everything. He is such a good kid and he couldn't even give me any advice for the first time in our friendship. I have never done this before and he knew that. I love her so much and he knew that. I cheated on her and he didn't know that. He was in shock.All he told me to do was what I would want her to say to me if this were swtiched and so I drove to her house.. hammered... I didn't care about anything and when I got there, I stormed in and layed on the bed in tears to my knees. She asked what was wrong and I told her. It took a few seconds for it to hit her and she broke down, I then knew it wasn't about me breaking down feeling like garbage, it was about me trying to make the recovery. As I went over to her she pushed me away with disgust and told me were over (of course), that she never wanted to see me again (of course), and that my life would be miserable from here on out without her (and it was). I walked out to the driveway, still messed up and just fell over. I felt dead inside. Never before, NEVER before have I been able to say a break up was all my fault and this time it was. She was the closest thing to a perfect girlfriend I had ever had and I blew it. I know its bad but let me throw everything in there. Not even 2 weeks after I did this.. She lost her virginity to me. She told me everything was perfect but I knew it wasn't. Time went on and I tried my best to make the recovery happen. But she then pieced the puzzle together, 2 months before I told her I took her to a show.. After thinking clearly, she realized that 1. I cheated on her and 2. I was hanging out with her 4 months after that. And she didn't know... Whats terrible is I never even told her about the show, the girl who I cheated on her with told her.. But, in my behalf, about 2 minutes after I picked her up and we were on the way there I realized this was not right. But it was too late.. *(We did NOTHING that night nor anything since.) If it doesn't get any worse.. the girl was my ex... Time has moved on and things appeared to be better, she took me back. Said she trusted me. but I guess not..... I play in a band, it took me forever to get in it and it is one of the only things I can say makes me happy. other than my girlfriend.. The girl I committed infidelity with now goes to EVERY show I play just be the little devil she is and it kills me just to look at her. And it is killing us again. She can't sleep. She's always thinking about it. She has dreams about cheating on me and she justifies it with the fact that we would be equal. And when she wakes up she still thinks about how her cheating on me would make things right. I know that she would never do that. Until I came around she wanted to be a virgin until marriage.. I took that from her then took it away.... I pray every night that my sins will be washed away. And with no surprise, they don't. The effects to my cause seem as though they will stick forever. Someone please help. Anything good or bad. please.. "I once laughed at the man who walked in the shallow waters, now I follow him in the march to find my new beginning."

• Answer:

  sorry , but i feel nothing for youu . </3 you broke her heart , now she's breaking yours .