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How to approach husband about texting a female friend?

  • My husband and I have been going through a lot lately. Both of us became very distant from each other and during that time I became emotionally connected with a guy at work. It got to the point where we would text all the time for hours on end. It's not something I am very proud of but it was a point in my relationship where I was not getting the comfort from my husband and someone else showed me kindness and I went right along with it. My husband recieved our cell phone bill and noticed excessive texts between me and this person and confronted me about it. We got into a huge arrgument and even contemplated a seperation. I explained to him the situation but I don't know if he truely believed me, but we are working through it. Come to find out during that whole time he was texting with a female friend of his (which we both have the same friends as she does and I have met her a couple of times.) I confronted him about it as well and he said they were just friends and got very upset with me, and told me I was just trying to justify what I was doing. At that point I felt guilty for emotionally connecting with another man and just didn't want to lose my husband so I dismissed the fact that he was texting her and took steps to save my marriage. I now realize that it was the wrong road to walk down and have made changes to better my relationship with my husband and cut ties with my co-worker other than work related issues. I even went as far as to block my co-workers number. My husband is still texting with his female friend and I feel this isn't right. How do I approach him and ask him to stop? There is a question of respect and loyalty here. And I have betrayed his trust so I have no leg to stand on when it comes to that (at least this is what I think he'll say) but I feel I am the only one who has made steps to weeding out our "friends" from the relationship. I feel that if we both stopped the texting and talking to people out side of the marriage (which i have already stopped) we will be able to work through it. Other than this issue we seem to be getting along much better and making progress.

  • Answer:

    You and your husband need to sit down and come to a mutual agreement about appropriate boundaries within a marriage because neither of you have been respecting those boundaries. You have to pledge to not get emotionally involved with texting / emailing / phoning "friends" like you did, and he has to agree to a no contact / no texting / no emailing / no phoning "friends" of the opposite sex. If he's doing this to get back at you, you both need to know you are going to end up divorced over this silliness. So, sit down and come to mutual agreement that there will be no "emotional friends" because that leads to affairs and that leads to divorce.

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just tell him that you have cut all tie with your male friend. and you did it for him. and if he loves you, he should have no problem cutting ties with his female friend.

if this is still an issue, trust me, you arent making any progress. since you started it, he has to be the one to stop it. you cant really bring up ""loyalty"" and ""respect"" when you were the one who stated it. he's getting you back at your own game and clearly you dont like it. you cant approach him. if you drive him up the wall and you will end up losing him. maybe even to her. there is nothing much you can really do except for work on the other areas of your relationship.

It's not a question of whether you have a leg to stand on or not. You two need to come to a consensus together about what is or isn't appropriate, in terms of texting and calling and hanging out with other people, and both stick with it. This vague notion that he gets a free pass and can't be held accountable because you crossed the line first, or were caught doing so first, is childish.

Communication with outside people is crucial actually, it's good to blow of steam bc then it makes you feel a lot better and stop worrying about the small potatoes. I don't see anything wrong with talking to someone about things that bug you ...it's called releasing stress and it's healthy. I talk to my gfs all the time about stuff and it's good to talk it out and then move on, this way you don't habour those feelings in and then blow up at your spouse!

He is right. The only reason you want him to stop texting is because you were emotionally attached to the other guy so you assume that he is doing the same thing. If he is just texting the girl as a friend you don't have an argument.

Once trust is destroyed in a relationship, things are usually never the same way again!!! He will always think that you were having sex with the other guy just like you think he might of had sex with the other girl.

There is a difference between starting a /new/ relationship after marriage and staying friends with someone you already know. You had an emotional affair that was leading up to a real one. That doesn't quite sound like what he is doing talking to a mutual friend.

Grab his phone when he isn't looking and hide it. :)

do you remember how i felt when you found out about me texting that guy for emotional support? I feel that same way with you texting this girl ... If we are going to make this work we have to work TOGETHER. You know how i feel because you felt it first. Please give me the same respect or am i allowed to text this guy here and there. Once you both build up trust again then you both can go back to normal and texting whome ever you like but for the moment it might be best if you both don't text or call anyone with out each other premission. hey it will also help you both communicate more openly as well. So maybe you don't say don't call her or text her.. maybe you have him ask you first and vs. He has a choice to beleive you or not with the text thing if it didn't go no where then you have ntohing to be guilty of. and you need to explain that over and over and over again to your man. i wish you luck. be open about it

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