Husband doesnt want to work and will only work if....( a bit long but please help )?

It would appear that the likely cause of you not talking to your family is that you are in a relationship with this man? Perhaps now is the time to voice this to your family. No matter what the consequences, no one should have to live in a environment such as yours, especially not your children. You know they deserve to grow up in better place. I'm not saying they will take your children away, I'm sure you are capable. Child services would allow you and your children to move to a temporary home, and if you would like, get a police officer to watch over your removals. It will be hard, but the future will look brighter, try to become more self dependent.

You have made the first step by reaching out to someone /anyone. BUT until you want help, no one can help you ! Staying in an abusive relationship tells me you are afraid. Don't be ! There are a lot of programs that will help you and your children ! I hope and pray that you find the courage to stand up for your self ! Because if he hits you he WILL hit the children too ! Please step out today and get help ! You are stronger than you think. and if you do nothing and something does happen your fears might come true ! do it today !

Becca, the answer to your troubles is shagging for 2 years, then making 2 kids together, when you already knew who he is. This is truth needed to be told, so that you won't see yourself as an innocent victim and will be ready to function and to do something for yourself and your kids. You are wrong about child protection services; They won't take kids from you, if you are a fit mother. I worked for that system for almost 2 decades. Let's hope, that your husband is not just a hopeless addict and do this: 1. Find a good Domestic Violence shelter as far from your place as possible. If you are really warried about him being risk to you and kids - go to court and file an Order of Protection . Take the kids and go to the shelter. Call child protective services and get yourself a Social Worker there. 2. Write him a letter, without a forwarding address, of course, stating, that you have a documentation about him being violent to you and you are leaving him, while you and kids are protected, and this is his only chance to demonstrate he can and will change. Give him a month to find ANY job and to undergo drug abuse assessment and treatment. Tell him to have a letter with documentation proving he stood by the conditions sent to a local child protection office (to your Social Worker). If you don't have it - you go for a divorce, full custody and full child support. Good luck

By benefits I assume you mean government assistance? You can get those without him. I do think you should call a women's shelter. They don't call child services on women leaving bad situations, and they can help you come up with a game plan. Unless your family are crazy and abusive too, you should re-establish contact with them, I'm sure they'd support you in this. This is not a good environment for your kids, so please leave ASAP. Good luck.

This is what you do, get job, move out with your children and your benefits, file for divorce and make him pay child support. Get that filth out of your life and your children's. You do not have to be a slave staying in an abusive and toxic relationship. There is always hope and there are laws to protect you and your children. Be a mother first.

It appears that you are a victim of domestic violence. It is never easy to get out of that type of relationship but you have to try. Domestic violence is cyclical. If you stay you risk your children becoming either victims or abusers. I'm not sure why you think your children will be taken away from you if you seek assistance. If you are a fit mother they won't be removed. Be strong, stay safe and get the help you need to get out of the situation.

so quit nagging! there re 2 types of people - winners and losers. winners do stuff and never give up even if they fail. they also never find excuses for failing - they admit their faults and try and try again. losers on the other hand do not try, they blame everything and everybody for their failures. by nagging him u re not doing any favors to anybody - u just prove him being a failure and a loser, but due to his loser nature he isn´t going to do squat about it. losers are forever. and do not play an innocent victim here - he was a loser all his life, u married him and produced 2 kids with the loser, he will not change by u nagging him. your only option is to shut your yap, nurse your kids till youngest is 3 and after that get a job and move out. u can get a divorce much earlier. there re no other options for ya. o, wait, there is one - to find a fairy with a magic wand. and people advicing u to move out in a shelter with 2 little kids are obviously mentally deficient retards. they have heard the word "shelter", but they obviously do not know what it is. i can tell u what it is - i saw a documentary once. u will have a room and share all the facilities with drug junkies, alcoholics and other remnants of society. really good environment to bring up your 2 small kids. and due to governments accepting all these legal and illegal immigrants and wasting taxpayers money on them and providing them with council apartments (and paying for them as well) u will wait very long in a queue for another assisted aparmtent. so my sincere advice - shut your mouth and quit provokong him untill u can leave