How can i improve my sales pitch?

Please Tell Me If This Brief Sales Pitch Is Good?

• On my math class, i have to do a project where i have to make a brief sales pitch 5-7 sentences I really need 2 more good sentences , or please tell me a better brief sales pitch or please comment if there's anything wrong with my brief sales pitch! Here is my brief sales pitch: Buy this new super awesome snowman. His name is Angel Snow Dancer. He glitters and glows. He can talk and dance. You can buy this snowman at any store , for only $15.99. Buy now, and you'll get one free! The last part , i just made it up! so please help me with this brief sales pitch! or you can give me a brief sales pitch or just tell me if i did anything wrong or just tell me whats your opinion , is it good or not? Please!

• Answer:

  i would place somthing in there like this (this would make your yard look amazing for only $$$) or (this would make your house a holiday sensation for $$$) you have to make the buyer feel comfortable and impressed but othere than that looks good