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Help me, I feel like such a failure in life!?

  • So, here is my story. I am an intelligent young woman and I know that. I have a good heart, I treat people with kindness but I have a lot of problems. Ever since I was a little girl I haven't been able to sit down and get things done. At first it wasn't really a big problem but as I got older and had more responsibilities, things began to get worse. I always felt, in school as if I was in a big race and I was always behind. If only, I could just have more time. It always took me longer to do assignments, chores get ready than it took my peers to do the same. It made me feel stupid. I got tested for ADD in 8th grade and I was diagnosed with "moderate, undefined" Attention Deficit Disorder. I was humiliated and I was put on the medication Adderall. I went to a family therapist to deal with "at home and grade issues" because my grades were falling, not because of my intelligence but because of my lack of motivation, inability to pay attention and these issues made me mentally avoid the thing causing me so much stress because I could not handle it, so I would avoid it and put up a mental block. It is almost like I have no conscience in my head telling me I needed to commit to my responsibilities. It just got worse as high school went on and my consistent underachieving made me stray even MORE from my school work. I would put myself into this fantasy world in which I was doing well and I would tell people that because I was too scared and ashamed to face reality. Senior year came and I got by, I graduated and was accepted into a local branch campus of a larger school. This was my chance to start fresh, grow up and take on more responsibilities, yet I continue to be my own worst enemy. I did start college, but again I slacked off, I had no motivation. Some days I can barely get up and ready and dressed. It takes me all day to do so, I neglect even activities , I WANT to do like hang out with my friends. I missed a lot of class but once again I shut down and went back into my own little world pretending and telling my parents and others I was working hard when I really was not. I can barely do anything, I worry a lot and I think I have anxiety. I am worried I will grow up to be a failure, I have so many dreams and aspirations, it just seems so impossible to get there. I have a part time job as a cashier, and I feel as if it is the only place I feel as if I am doing a good job. I feel hopeless and stupid considering that is the only thing I feel I am good at. I always let everyone down, my friends and my parents. I want to be a good daughter and I want to make them proud and graduate from college. I want to be a good friend as well. I want to change my ways and drop all of these excuses and JUST DO WHAT I NEED TO DO. I feel alone, I feel like my own worst enemy. Depression, ADD and anxiety are an awful combination. I am currently on Concerta for ADD and Celexa for anxiety/depression. I have spoken to therapists but I feel ashamed and I don't want to tell them everything wrong that is going on, I lie and make everything seem better than it is. I need help really badly, I need someone who understands me. I don't know what to do about college, I think I am failing and I wasted my parents money and they are going to hate me and punish me. I just think I should take a semester off, work full time , make a lot of money and then enroll for summer courses. HELP ME PLEASE.

  • Answer:

    Hi... really, actualy you are a zeal girl i think.. just do the best on your job now. just think always be the best in everything..be a good person in everywhere. so,i'msure that you will get all of your dreams.. ^_^

Lindsey G at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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My heart goes out to you. Its scary feeling the way you do, and you don't know what is going on. I agree with the other answer to print everything out and take it to your therapists. You are not failing in anything, it sounds to me as if you have chronic depression - its a horrible and ugly destructive illness, and it takes time, the right medication, and try to live one moment at a time - very difficult when your mind is racing and you are suffering panic attacks. I understand the isolation and loneliness. The only thing you really need to do is to accept that you cannot help your depression, and accept that you are ill. With that acceptance comes a little bit of peace, a little bit of getting better and a willingness to do whatever you need to do to get better, cutting yourself a bit of slack. Its not your fault. Depression such as yours can hit anyone at any time in their life, regardless of age, class, culture, intelligence, etc. etc. Being honest with your therapists gives them the chance to try to get to the bottom of it and find out what might help you get better. I've been there, lived it, living with it, so you are not alone, you are not strange, you are not a failure, you are ill, and you can get better, and it can take time. One moment at a time.Blessings and Good luck to you

Um... I would first like to say that on what you wrote, you did not say anything on what you are doing to try and correct your problems. If I were you I would take some time off and learn a skill. No offense, I think that you should quit as a cashier because that really won't get you much of anywhere. You should try and get an un-paying internship at a bank or something and learn what it is like to work in the real world. You should go back to college and build up a contacts because the most important thing is networking. When you go back, you should try and really crack down on your work and set up a study schedule good for you where you study and have time to see your friends. Maybe you could try a different type of medicine for your ADD. Also, I don't think that your parents would hate you. No parent would do that to their child. Good Luck getting your life on track!!! I hoped this helped.

Wowwwww you sound like the female version of me. I mean literally if you change the "young woman" to young man and little girls to little boys, i may as well have written that. I'm in college too dealing with the trio of ADD, depression and anxiety. Anyway if you want to talk to someone who knows/is going what you are going through send me an email: [email protected] I know how impossible it is to describe the way you feel to someone who doesn't live with depression/ADD/anxiety.

Print out what you posted, show it to your therapists and psychiatrist and tell them that you wrote it. They can help you, but you have to be honest with them.

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