How can i make block to contact?

How can I become comfortable with physical contact?

• My eldest sister (about nine years older than I am) really enjoyed (and still enjoys, despite us now being adults) messing with me. Poking, tickling, scaring, grabbing and pushing. I'm now very neurotic about that. Kinda made my last relationship very difficult to work, because the girl really enjoyed being held, but I was generally anxious and... I guess slightly neurotic. She always felt like she couldn't keep up with my thoughts, and I never censored them. Which is why I'm no longer in that relationship. Just a fundamental incompatibility between us. I did kinda break loose eventually, but that relationship didn't last long. I shouldn't have been so... spontaneous. We went too far, too quick. Also, my brother would always randomly hit me in an attempt to get me to block or dodge it. He still does that... and he's thirty. I almost think he gets a satisfaction over seeing me flinch when he makes even a small move when I'm standing close. I don't like being tickled, or touched or experience almost any physical contact because, by instinct, I feel like they're going to do something to me. Even moving unexpectedly when they're close, such as sitting next to me in a car, usually makes me jump. I especially hate when people go for the armpit! I keep my arms close to my sides. I can't even remember the last time I lifted my arms over my head in public. I'm also... really tall, adequately fit, faaaaar too skinny (another discomfort of mine) but I hunch and try to make myself look and feel smaller. I usually can't wait for winter because that's when I get to break out my favorite hoodie. It's like a shield. Same with me sleeping on my stomach with my arms tucked beneath me. I feel safe. I couldn't say that I'm afraid of mental attacks, nor am I completely crippled by this. My second sister, for instance, is my favorite because of how calm she is. She respects personal space. When I hold myself correctly, people usually see someone strong, or capable, or filled with promise. I understand the idea, but I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I didn't even notice that it was a problem until recently... I recognized the anxiety. Neuroses? Other people don't notice it because I put on a mask around various groups, but that's the constant. They may think I'm conceited, because I look insincere. It's discomfort. Hell, I kept my ******* prom date at arms's length at my first prom, and made a fool out of myself at the second one for being awkward. Some girl asked for a dance, which I did, but I raged over my friend's reactions (smug ***** who I haven't talked to in a very long time), and I think I bored her with my lackluster dancing skills. I bored myself. I've always felt distant from other people, but want to remain connected. I'm introverted, socially awkward, prone to spouting off random bits of information or stories with no endings (scrambling for SOMETHING to say, otherwise I'd remain silent), or confuse people with what I call (in my head) "sleep-fu", because I usually lack a lot of energy. Usually sleepy. Also, I'm usually by myself, indoors. I do in fact, have some true friends, and some fine acquaintances, and I love what I get to do with my life, but there's a whole chunk of reality that I'm missing out on, and I believe this is a good first step. Get more comfortable in my skin, and human contact. Human contact... because I already love animals. :3 I'm... fairly ambitious, and there's a lot I'm trying to learn about myself. I don't want self-instilled limits. Why do we humans have to make things so complicated?! Any ideas?

• Answer:

  Sorry dude but no ones gonna read that long of a question...