Find solution
How is life in Sweden/Stockholm?

I completely and totally destroyed my life in 2009...how do I move on?

  • Long story short, I grew up in a household with extremely strict and controlling parents. I was a straight-A student, got a full scholarship to college, and graduated with a bachelors degree in IT in 2008, all while living with my parents. I landed a very respectable and well-paying job directly out of college. I had it made and my future was bright. The downside, I never had much of a social life due to my parents' strict rules. After college, I moved out of my parents' house, and while I was doing extremely well for somebody my age in my career, I felt an emptiness because of my lack of social skills and the fact I didn't get to experience many of the things most other young people did in their teens and early twenties. The summer of 2009 came around, and I decided I was, for the first time in my life, going to have a little bit of fun that summer. What ended up happening is I tried desperately to make up for everything I thought I missed in high school and college. I got involved with a bad crowd, and ended up abusing alcohol and drugs, and leading a life of sexual promiscuity. I would stay out at the bars until 5am and then show up at work at 8am, several nights in a row. I lost all control of my life. After a couple of months of this, I found myself fired. My parents had disowned me and my life was completely destroyed. To make matters worse, within a week of getting fired I decided to move halfway across the country to live with somebody I met on the Internet (stupid mistake). I moved, got a dead-end job, and ended up hitting rock bottom around the spring of 2010. My friend I ended up living with was very emotionally abusive and destroyed every ounce of self-esteem I had left. It was from there I decided to clean my life up, and have been drug free since Memorial Day 2010. I moved out and got my own place later that summer. Things improved somewhat. However, my entire life and thoughts are consumed with regrets for the way I squandered everything I spent 23 years of my life working for. I am still working my dead-end job which I hate, with little prospect of a career. Though I cleaned up my life, I still live every day with the damage that was done. I am constantly depressed to the point where I think about hurting myself, because all I can think about is what my life would have been had I not made the bad decisions I made. Every day, the day I was fired from my last job continuously replays in my head. The one thing I know for sure that continuing this pity party is not the answer, but I can't seem to get over it on my own. I just can't accept what I did and the fact I'll have to live with the consequences the rest of my life. I wish I could just go back in time and change it. Anybody out there have any insight they could give? I can't continue to live like this and I am tired of wasting more of my life feeling sorry for myself, but I still feel so hopeless because everything I worked for is gone!

  • Answer:

    I didn't go through the exact experience you did, but I went through something similar--and it's a long haul coming back from it, I'm not going to lie. It's not something you should do alone. Do an internet search to find agencies that help people in your situation. That offer free or sliding scale counseling (meaning that it would be based on your income) and possibly case management. They can help you get your life back on track. But you will have to take on the largest portion of that, because the biggest problem still remains inside your own head: the depression, the wanting to hurt yourself, the belief that you screwed up, and can never fix things. Start to think about what you want to do as a career. If you hate your job, start looking for another one. Changing from a position that you hate to one that you at least like will do wonders for you self esteem, and you will feel more like yourself the closer the job is to what you wanted to do or what you want to do now. But you have to believe that you deserve better, and you do. You had the strength to get clean, and that's half the battle. You have the strength to get your life back, one step at a time. AA might also be another option to get the support you need if you aren't already going.

beedubay... at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

Not easy--living with our mistakes. Sometimes life lets us get by with our mistakes and sometimes the consequences are serious. But our mistake is never the end of us--not unless we let it be. It really is true that we can make our mistakes serve us by learning from them. You got off track in a big way, but you survived it. Congratulate yourself for finding your way back. Some people stay lost for years or for the rest of their lives. It's not getting knocked down that matters. It's whether you get back up. And part of getting up is not despising ourselves for getting knocked down. Like baseball? The best player only succeeds at the plate 30% of the time. And sometimes the best hitters strike out the most. They quickly make themselves move on because there will be another time at bat. Forgive yourself. Everybody falls down. You had the strength to get up and do better. Dust off the dirt and pat yourself on the back. You did good. You say your parents have disowned you. Don't do the same thing to yourself. This is a hard time to find a better job with the economy down. Set yourself some goals and don't punish yourself by thinking you deserve your crummy job. If you were doing well at your good job, check them out. If they know you have changed your patterns, they might help you out with a job or referral to others. EVERYTHING you worked for is not gone. My father told me once that no one could ever take away our knowledge. He wanted me to go to college. You have learned a lot, both in college and from your mistakes. Build on that--both sets of knowledge are part of you now. Use it. Listen to how your thinking has become absolute. EVERYTHING. COMPLETELY. DESTROYED. Not a true statement. Everything--you still have lots going for you. Completely---parts of what you had still exist Destroyed--changed, not destroyed Get a grip, big guy. Starting again is hard, but you have wonderful resources. something many people do not have. Good luck. You can do it. You stopped that dangerous life style, for Pete's sake. You have what it takes.

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.