Which is the better sentence for use in response to an essay question?

The first answerer is correct. You don't aspire to apply. You aspire to attend. If all you aspired to do was apply, you wouldn't need to talk about your aspiration in the essay, because just by filling out the application and sending it you would have met your goal. I dislike both sentences, though. For one thing, it's not clear to me what it means for an aspiration to be strong from the mind or heart. Aspirations don't have minds and hearts. For another, you are oddly absent from a sentence that should be entirely about you. The first word in your sentence should be "I." And it sounds a bit as if you are reaching for bigger words than you would ordinarily use. I don't think I'm hearing *you* in the sentences so much as the person you think UCF might want to accept. I think they're a lot more eager to learn about you than about that mythical person -- they probably get a lot of essays that tell them what kind of student applicants think they want, but yours is the only essay they'll ever get that tells them about you. So if I were writing this (and remember, I'm not sure what "my aspiration is strong from both the mind and the heart" means, so I may have totally mangled the points you are trying to convey. I apologize for that) I might say something like "I have very good reasons to want to attend UCF, and I have a strong emotional commitment to the school as well."

You shouldn't aspire to apply. Rather, you aspire to attend. My aspiration to attend UCF is both rational and emotional. Rationally, UCF is an excellent fit for me because: UCF has a good reputation for . . . UCF graduates seem to frequently obtain jobs in their field of study UCF is close enough to my home that I can commute UCF . . . Emotionally, I feel an attachment to UCF because: I like the friendly feel of the campus On my recent visit to the campus I spoke with many friendly people the UCF staff all seem concerned with their student's success I hope this helps. Good luck with your studies. Honey

I agree with your dad, that the second one is best. However, I suggest changing the words "apply to" to the word "attend." Good luck!

The second is better but I've never heard anyone use that wording. Maybe: I aspire to attend UCF for both intellectual and emotional reasons.

I like your first sentence best, but I would change the word "aspiration" to "inspiration" Aspiration is: 1. ambition: a desire or ambition to achieve something 2. breathy pronunciation: pronunciation accompanied by breathing out 3. suction: the withdrawal by suction of fluids or gases from the body or a body cavity 4. inhalation: drawing matter into the lungs along with the breath Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved While you do have the correct definition for "aspriation" it has many negative connotations also that can come to mind more readily than your ambition or desire. Inspiration is much more readily acknowledged as something you aspire to do. (Oddly enough). I disagree with your dad. Just because the first sentence has the word "not" does not make it a negative sentence. To me, your wording in the first one has more impact because it more fully illustrates that yes, this is a well thought out decision and you are going for the education and what you can learn; but, you are also pointing out that it is your desire to go there also to be a part of the college, socialize, make friends, be a part of the "spirit" of the school. To me, the second sentence is diluted because it give egual value to each mind and heart meaning they get 50% each. However, in the first statement you 80% want to go with your mind, but then there is the 75% that is your heart which equals to a stronger statement of 155%. To me, in the second sentence, you are taking away from the mind part. It is like you can have half a dinner and half a dessert, but your first sentence you get a whole dinner and then you add dessert as well. Sorry for such a long and confusing answer. It is just my opinion, but I would definitely accept you to UCF if you used the first one.

The first answerer is correct. You don't aspire to apply. You aspire to attend. If all you aspired to do was apply, you wouldn't need to talk about your aspiration in the essay, because just by filling out the application and sending it you would have met your goal. I dislike both sentences, though. For one thing, it's not clear to me what it means for an aspiration to be strong from the mind or heart. Aspirations don't have minds and hearts. For another, you are oddly absent from a sentence that should be entirely about you. The first word in your sentence should be "I." And it sounds a bit as if you are reaching for bigger words than you would ordinarily use. I don't think I'm hearing *you* in the sentences so much as the person you think UCF might want to accept. I think they're a lot more eager to learn about you than about that mythical person -- they probably get a lot of essays that tell them what kind of student applicants think they want, but yours is the only essay they'll ever get that tells them about you. So if I were writing this (and remember, I'm not sure what "my aspiration is strong from both the mind and the heart" means, so I may have totally mangled the points you are trying to convey. I apologize for that) I might say something like "I have very good reasons to want to attend UCF, and I have a strong emotional commitment to the school as well."

You shouldn't aspire to apply. Rather, you aspire to attend. My aspiration to attend UCF is both rational and emotional. Rationally, UCF is an excellent fit for me because: UCF has a good reputation for . . . UCF graduates seem to frequently obtain jobs in their field of study UCF is close enough to my home that I can commute UCF . . . Emotionally, I feel an attachment to UCF because: I like the friendly feel of the campus On my recent visit to the campus I spoke with many friendly people the UCF staff all seem concerned with their student's success I hope this helps. Good luck with your studies. Honey

The second is better but I've never heard anyone use that wording. Maybe: I aspire to attend UCF for both intellectual and emotional reasons.

I agree with your dad, that the second one is best. However, I suggest changing the words "apply to" to the word "attend." Good luck!