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How do i know im being too quiet?

  • I dont know how to know cause I'm naturally quiet. Im trying to stop. I've made some friends ( I didn't have any before). I made 3 this summer. I wish i wasn't so tense around people still though. I want to be able to talk to just anyone. i dont know if im doing enough talking though. I tend to go back into my safe zone. Honestly I still cant let loose and chat with people in class and not feel nervous. I'm good at hiding im nervous but im always nervous. I stepped out of my shell A lot so far but there's a ways to go. I cant talk to just anyone i still have a wall. i think i have to admit i still limit how many people i talk to. If you are a talkative person what makes you feel like you're being quiet? If you could think of a quiet person you know and you could lay out rules to help that person not be so walled up what rules would you write for them? I think some people think im a snob but im NOT! im just terrified.. At least I used to be anyway. I can be avoidant too because of the nervousness. How do I not drift away and make someone wonder whats wrong with me? sometimes I do this and i dont even realize im doing it. Hope that's not too complicated to understand. Thanks in advance.

  • Answer:

    WOW Alice! I swear I feel like you just described me 125% perfectly! Everything you said especially about how you feel like you "drift away" from people and don't even know it is exactly how I feel sometimes too..I can't provide you any answers since I'm in the same exact place as you are, but I just felt like sharing that with you and letting you know that you're not alone. I'm still so shocked at how similar I feel to you, it's as if I wrote that question and you plagiarized it from me! lol :P I'll be checking this and reading the tips people offer as well, but honestly Alice I think this is something that we have to just let happen over time, and practice practice practice on anyone and everyone every chance we get, and I think eventually words will come out of our mouth naturally without thinking, and that's when you won't even have to worry about "being too quiet". I hope that makes sense, I know it's hard but the art of conversation is just another skill we must master!

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Becoming a good conversationalist will ease much of the social anxiety, and give you more confidence to open up. Don't worry about saying the right thing. Remember conversation is not about you, it's about them. Listening is a valuable skill. Ask your classmates questions about themselves. Most importantly, listen to their answers. Then ask follow-up questions. Occasionally, you'll hear them say something that you can relate to. When that happens you can share with them. Use support phrases such as, 'I agree', 'that makes sense', 'I would have done the same', 'that must have been so- fun/scary/bad/great/amazing. Use peoples names when you talk to them. Remember what is going on in their life, and ask about it the next time you see them. People are only bothered by silence if it is uncomfortable, so avoid situations where there is tons of pressure on you to talk. Like on a first date, choose a carnival, shopping at the mall, or some other situation where there will be distractions if you need a break. Stay away from the dreaded dinner and a movie until you are totally comfortable with them!

Becoming a good conversationalist will ease much of the social anxiety, and give you more confidence to open up. Don't worry about saying the right thing. Remember conversation is not about you, it's about them. Listening is a valuable skill. Ask your classmates questions about themselves. Most importantly, listen to their answers. Then ask follow-up questions. Occasionally, you'll hear them say something that you can relate to. When that happens you can share with them. Use support phrases such as, 'I agree', 'that makes sense', 'I would have done the same', 'that must have been so- fun/scary/bad/great/amazing. Use peoples names when you talk to them. Remember what is going on in their life, and ask about it the next time you see them. People are only bothered by silence if it is uncomfortable, so avoid situations where there is tons of pressure on you to talk. Like on a first date, choose a carnival, shopping at the mall, or some other situation where there will be distractions if you need a break. Stay away from the dreaded dinner and a movie until you are totally comfortable with them!

Becca

WOW Alice! I swear I feel like you just described me 125% perfectly! Everything you said especially about how you feel like you "drift away" from people and don't even know it is exactly how I feel sometimes too..I can't provide you any answers since I'm in the same exact place as you are, but I just felt like sharing that with you and letting you know that you're not alone. I'm still so shocked at how similar I feel to you, it's as if I wrote that question and you plagiarized it from me! lol :P I'll be checking this and reading the tips people offer as well, but honestly Alice I think this is something that we have to just let happen over time, and practice practice practice on anyone and everyone every chance we get, and I think eventually words will come out of our mouth naturally without thinking, and that's when you won't even have to worry about "being too quiet". I hope that makes sense, I know it's hard but the art of conversation is just another skill we must master!

omar f

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