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How to survive without family and friends, can God fix this? (long post but its serious)?

  • This might be the weirdest question you will ever read since there are not too many people like me in this world. My parents are dead beats that never married each other, they were just f*ck buddies and my dad split when he found out my mom get pregnant. Well this made her super angry so as soon as I was born she gave me to her sister (my aunt). And since then I have been moving from family member to family member. I never lived in 1 home for more than 2 years while growing up, each of my aunts and uncles threw me out because they had their own lids to take care of and they just couldn't afford to take care of me for 18 years straight. When I turned 17 I didn't really have any other choice but to join the military since I would finally get my own place, a pay check, medical&dental coverage, long term colleagues who wouldn't turn their backs on me during hard times, I would belong to an organization...etc. And it actually worked out well. I was in the NAVY so I worked at a command, the command was like a big family. They would help out with car problems, moving furniture, invite you over for dinner, attend weddings..etc. But my happiness ended when I developed asthma during my second year and got discharged. I still go the GI Bill so I used it to go to college, and thats where I am right now; I am in my dorm room typing this. Life is just not the same for me at the age of 21, I wont call my life 'bad' but its not good and I am not happy. Sure I have a roof over my head, get to go to college on the military's dime, have food...etc but is that really what life is about? Everywhere I go I see people with their brothers, sisters, mother, father, friends...etc And I always wonder why I dont have those things or why I have to work hard to obtain it. Most people are born into a family or AT LEAST one good parent, why are both my parents dead beats? I tried making friends here at college but they are always busy so we never really have time to hang out. It gets even lonelier when everyone goes home during the breaks and I have to stay on dorm since I have no home. Sure I could probably go by one of my aunts and uncles but they dont really like me and they still look at me as some kind of burden. I am just tired of ruining their family so I try to leave them alone during Christmas and thanksgiving. I tried calling my deadbeat parents and of course they never answer or its always some new BS story about they moved to another state. This is the second Christmas I spent alone in my room since I had no one to go by, none of my family members even called me. I am just tired of it so I came up with two plans and I wanna know what you all think about it. 1) After being discharged from the military I moved to Virginia to attend ODU, but I am originally from NYC. I really miss life their so I think I will transfer to a college in NY or maybe take a semester off to move back to that state. I just think I will be happier their, once I settle down I will look for a job and try to become closer to my cousins that hardly talk to me. I know its kinda pathetic for someone to actually beg their family to communicate with them but I guess thats what I have to do. This is really risky since the cost of living in NY is EXPENSIVE and my family might still ignore me and treat me like the black sheep of the family. 2) If my first plan doesnt work and my family still acts distant towards me and treats me like I dont exist; then I will rejoin the military. I am working with a recruiter right now and we are able to get a waiver that would allow me to reenlist once I get checked out by a doctor. The military life was great and I made lots of close friends, those frinds were alot better than my family member and alot more loyal as well. So what do you all think I should do? I am literally going insane and becoming depressed just living in a dorm room while everyone gets to go home for the holidays. I cant last another 2 years here living like this, I just want a life with family and friends, why do you think God did this to me in the first place? Well i know its not God's fault my parents suck, but what I meant was why did he allow it to happen to a person like me who hasn't done anything wrong? I was a baby for crying out loud...smh

  • Answer:

    You sound like good military material, to me and as you said, it is your family while you were in it. I hope and pray you can pass the exam and get back in. Believe it or not, God has a plan for your life-it doesn't usually happen overnight. depression is an awful thing to go through, I have been through it -medication helps but mainly having Jesus as my savior has changed my life these 85 years. You might not "feel" like it but we don't go by feelings-we go by faith that God created each one of us and He is love as well as the fact that He loves us and permits trials to draw us to Him. It took me being suicidal to cry out to Him and I had immediate peace but you have to b e honest in repenting of sin and believe that He died for" whosoever will believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

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You sound like good military material, to me and as you said, it is your family while you were in it. I hope and pray you can pass the exam and get back in. Believe it or not, God has a plan for your life-it doesn't usually happen overnight. depression is an awful thing to go through, I have been through it -medication helps but mainly having Jesus as my savior has changed my life these 85 years. You might not "feel" like it but we don't go by feelings-we go by faith that God created each one of us and He is love as well as the fact that He loves us and permits trials to draw us to Him. It took me being suicidal to cry out to Him and I had immediate peace but you have to b e honest in repenting of sin and believe that He died for" whosoever will believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

Kinda makes some of the whining the rest of us do pale in comparison. One thing I would recommend next Christmas would be to volunteer to help serve Christmas dinner at a Salvation Army or homeless shelter. It will at least get you out and the one year I did it (in Denver), it gave me a real appreciation of having a warm place to sleep and hot meals, since many that we served were homeless. That's a short term fix for a single time of the year. On a longer term solution, is there a church nearby you could attend? The friends I have made through church are second to none and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They ARE my family. Are you a Christian? Find a bible-believing church that makes you feel welcome. Email me at [email protected] if I can be of more assistance. And, along with Fireball, I am lifting prayers for you as well. "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them"

Kinda makes some of the whining the rest of us do pale in comparison. One thing I would recommend next Christmas would be to volunteer to help serve Christmas dinner at a Salvation Army or homeless shelter. It will at least get you out and the one year I did it (in Denver), it gave me a real appreciation of having a warm place to sleep and hot meals, since many that we served were homeless. That's a short term fix for a single time of the year. On a longer term solution, is there a church nearby you could attend? The friends I have made through church are second to none and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They ARE my family. Are you a Christian? Find a bible-believing church that makes you feel welcome. Email me at [email protected] if I can be of more assistance. And, along with Fireball, I am lifting prayers for you as well. "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them"

Edward the Less

Your post made me cry. I'm soo sorry for your loneliness. So many people are lonely, so know that you truly aren't alone in this crazy world. I replied to some of your emails earlier and I see that you are hurting. I work for the military and I love how they really are a family. You can find family in the civilian life as well. I know you are doubting God right now, but I highly recommend a church or ministry. See if your campus has a college ministry like Youth With a Mission (YWAM) or Campus Crusade. You will find people to embrace you. I have a church family that will do anything for me. Many of them have families that live far away and I invite them over for holidays all the time. We encourage each other, pray together, and lift each other up. Please email me if you ever just want to talk. Please also let me know what area you live in. If you're interested in a church, I will help you find one. God didn't do this to you, you got stuck in bad circumstances by irresponsible parents. I have a feeling that God will use you and your story one day to encourage some other down and out kids. He will use this to strengthen you, grow your faith and teach you to persevere. None of this is happening to you in vain, I promise.

Amelia O

Your post made me cry. I'm soo sorry for your loneliness. So many people are lonely, so know that you truly aren't alone in this crazy world. I replied to some of your emails earlier and I see that you are hurting. I work for the military and I love how they really are a family. You can find family in the civilian life as well. I know you are doubting God right now, but I highly recommend a church or ministry. See if your campus has a college ministry like Youth With a Mission (YWAM) or Campus Crusade. You will find people to embrace you. I have a church family that will do anything for me. Many of them have families that live far away and I invite them over for holidays all the time. We encourage each other, pray together, and lift each other up. Please email me if you ever just want to talk. Please also let me know what area you live in. If you're interested in a church, I will help you find one. God didn't do this to you, you got stuck in bad circumstances by irresponsible parents. I have a feeling that God will use you and your story one day to encourage some other down and out kids. He will use this to strengthen you, grow your faith and teach you to persevere. None of this is happening to you in vain, I promise.

Which of your plans makes you smile when you sit and think about it ? Have you made a list of the pros and cons ? What are the chances your *family* will let you *beg* your way back in ? And are they *worth* the begging ?? If you have just one cousin that you think you can make it work with, then yes, it might be worth giving it a try.. One great family member is and can mean a lot to us... As for school, IF you can, I would stick it out, either where you are or in NYC, or maybe some place else .. Is there an old Navy buddy you stay in contact with ? I hear the Navy personnel keep in pretty close contact compared to the other service units.... Maybe a buddy can help you look into other colleges ? Or maybe joining some clubs on campus to meet people ? There are MANY ways to *join the crowd*.... As for God *letting* this happen : that is a tough one to even try to answer. God does not *let* it happen other than He will NOT interfere with the choices we or our parents made or make..... I look at things this way : What we have or do not have, who we have or do not have, what we do or do not do, can make or break us and makes us who we are... You can use what you have gone through for good or evil.... Cliches' through and through, but true none the less... The older we get, the more we learn to stick to *simple*...... Simple makes life better.... I wish you all the blessings and miracles you can handle... May God guide and keep you..... go in peace..... God bless Ps, as with the others, I too am lifting you up in prayer.......

Annie

sorry to hear this but repenting and finding God can save you and help you survive depression...SOME TAKE ST JOHNS WORT FOR depression. It is helping a friend of mine...Im sending up prayers for you...Hang in there...READ Psalm 139

Fireball

sorry to hear this but repenting and finding God can save you and help you survive depression...SOME TAKE ST JOHNS WORT FOR depression. It is helping a friend of mine...Im sending up prayers for you...Hang in there...READ Psalm 139

Which of your plans makes you smile when you sit and think about it ? Have you made a list of the pros and cons ? What are the chances your *family* will let you *beg* your way back in ? And are they *worth* the begging ?? If you have just one cousin that you think you can make it work with, then yes, it might be worth giving it a try.. One great family member is and can mean a lot to us... As for school, IF you can, I would stick it out, either where you are or in NYC, or maybe some place else .. Is there an old Navy buddy you stay in contact with ? I hear the Navy personnel keep in pretty close contact compared to the other service units.... Maybe a buddy can help you look into other colleges ? Or maybe joining some clubs on campus to meet people ? There are MANY ways to *join the crowd*.... As for God *letting* this happen : that is a tough one to even try to answer. God does not *let* it happen other than He will NOT interfere with the choices we or our parents made or make..... I look at things this way : What we have or do not have, who we have or do not have, what we do or do not do, can make or break us and makes us who we are... You can use what you have gone through for good or evil.... Cliches' through and through, but true none the less... The older we get, the more we learn to stick to *simple*...... Simple makes life better.... I wish you all the blessings and miracles you can handle... May God guide and keep you..... go in peace..... God bless Ps, as with the others, I too am lifting you up in prayer.......

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