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Can you grade my essay?

Can some one please grade my essay (shown below)?

  • Today in life, the skills needed to be succesful have changed. Now, technology skills are more important than interpersonal communication skills. In my opinion, in order t o suceed today, technology skills are more important. There are many reasons which make it important to have great technology skills today. In many places, new, high tech equipment is coming in. Even the simplest of jobs have some type of electronic devices needed. For example, to be a secretary at any office, you often have to deal with computers, phones, etc. So in order to be able to complete the job, you must be able to handle all the electronics. Doctors, lawyers, real estate agents, any job that can come to ones mind has some type of technology involved. Sure, interpersonal communication skills must be present as well, however, today, as more technolgy comes in, many employers look for people with more technology skills. In order to be successful in life today, one must have technolgy skills. In the past though, that has been different. Back then, employers were looking for skills like interpersonal communication skills. However, that has changed. In fact, it is similar to a child growing up; as the child grows up, he changes, adapting to the new environment, growing to fit in. This essay was a practice essay that I just wrote in order to prepare my self for my SAT this week. Grade it % wise. Thank you so much!!! OH and by the way, here is the topic: Are technology skills more important than interpersonal communication skills for success in today’s workforce? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

  • Answer:

    If I wrote this as for my essay I would fail. Of course that depends on your age, but for high school (year 7 - 12 for me) its not good enough. Firstly its not long enough. It's just three flimsy paragraphs? An essay in its nature has to critically respond to the question. Your response is very half-hearted with a definite lack of strength in your argument. You also don't touch upon reasons why technolgy has become important in terms of considering technological development since the time of the industrial revolution. Your reasons why technology skills more important than interpersonal communication skills is limited to the fact that more technology is used in society. That is just ONE reason. You also fail to consider some jobs where technology is not the most important skill (social work, care givers ect.), rather you just group all jobs into the mostly use tech. group. You also lack any evidence or research. Not very sophisticated at all. I'd fail you. You should rewrite this with more though.

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okay i'm not sure how i would grade it, but I can give you tips on how to make it better - don't use I, my, me you, etc. EVER. no personal pronouns, unless using an anecdote. they'll kill you for that. - work on your thesis statement;state the categories that support your reasoning - you should have some kind of conclusion, you can even put it in the same paragraph as your counter argument. which is very good :) - maybe you could make your introduction just al little bit more.. interesting. - give your reasons in your thesis - break your reasons up into their own seperate paragraphs - give a little more detail about each of your supporting reasons, and use examples, anecdotes, or statistics (only if you know them dont make any up) to further prove your point. you've got the right idea though- try it again good luck on the SAT ! ! i have to take it tomorrow --yikes!

okay i'm not sure how i would grade it, but I can give you tips on how to make it better - don't use I, my, me you, etc. EVER. no personal pronouns, unless using an anecdote. they'll kill you for that. - work on your thesis statement;state the categories that support your reasoning - you should have some kind of conclusion, you can even put it in the same paragraph as your counter argument. which is very good :) - maybe you could make your introduction just al little bit more.. interesting. - give your reasons in your thesis - break your reasons up into their own seperate paragraphs - give a little more detail about each of your supporting reasons, and use examples, anecdotes, or statistics (only if you know them dont make any up) to further prove your point. you've got the right idea though- try it again good luck on the SAT ! ! i have to take it tomorrow --yikes!

sarahthebird

about 70% isnt essays for that supposed to be 5 or more paragraphs long

If I wrote this as for my essay I would fail. Of course that depends on your age, but for high school (year 7 - 12 for me) its not good enough. Firstly its not long enough. It's just three flimsy paragraphs? An essay in its nature has to critically respond to the question. Your response is very half-hearted with a definite lack of strength in your argument. You also don't touch upon reasons why technolgy has become important in terms of considering technological development since the time of the industrial revolution. Your reasons why technology skills more important than interpersonal communication skills is limited to the fact that more technology is used in society. That is just ONE reason. You also fail to consider some jobs where technology is not the most important skill (social work, care givers ect.), rather you just group all jobs into the mostly use tech. group. You also lack any evidence or research. Not very sophisticated at all. I'd fail you. You should rewrite this with more though.

about 70% isnt essays for that supposed to be 5 or more paragraphs long

kimmie

80 (B-) The structure is great, but there are a few trivial grammar errors. Do not begin a sentence with so or sure. Replace this "you often have to deal with computers, phones" with "a secretary utitlizes computers, blackberries, and other electronic devices". Instead of saying this "any job that can come to ones mind" say "various other occupations". When writing essays be as specific as possible. "That" doesn't cut it. Good luck on the SAT.

80%, im taking the same test tomorrow, it was recognized by the John Hopkins University because of my state test scores and the gave me that talent serch (im in 8th grade), thing so i decided to take the test. good luck = )

80 (B-) The structure is great, but there are a few trivial grammar errors. Do not begin a sentence with so or sure. Replace this "you often have to deal with computers, phones" with "a secretary utitlizes computers, blackberries, and other electronic devices". Instead of saying this "any job that can come to ones mind" say "various other occupations". When writing essays be as specific as possible. "That" doesn't cut it. Good luck on the SAT.

Leonard W

80%, im taking the same test tomorrow, it was recognized by the John Hopkins University because of my state test scores and the gave me that talent serch (im in 8th grade), thing so i decided to take the test. good luck = )

United JB Haters Club President

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