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What is a biographical narrative essay?

I am writing this narrative essay and i just wanted feedback for what i have written so far?

  • i am scared that i do not share what is on my mind to any one. I am scared that i make excuses to cover them up. I am scared that i am the color that i am. What can i say i guess I am a scared person with very little emotion. This is a story about a little boy who has taken the blame his whole life and finally decided to show who he really is. that is the begginging i was hopen to use then i was going to finish with using that as the conclusion but cutting off " this is a story about a boy who has been taking the blame his whole life and ect. i dont know if i should include that last part or if theres a better way to end my intro? please and thank you for the help

  • Answer:

    Looks creative so far. I'd make only a few suggestions. In your first paragraph, second sentence-- You may want to consider clarifying what exactly "them" is. Are you referring to what is on this boy's mind? If so, try using "my thoughts." Fourth sentence-- I like where you're taking this, summing ideas into one sentence, making sure that readers know exactly which direction and thought process you're on. Instead of saying the boy is a person "with very little emotion," I'd say he's a boy who *shows* very little emotion. The fear he feels seems like a ton of emotion for one boy; he just does not outwardly express it. I think your conclusion is fine. Keep thinking on it. You may want to reword as you come up with more ideas, but the idea there is good. Keep up the good work! You're on a roll.

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o my gawd that was pretty good and i love your storyline about the boy it's sounding pretty dang creative to me.

maybe "and finally took the initiative to show the world what he can really do" ?

Actually, i think that is a good intro. most times you don't want to start it like that, but it sounds good that way. -an answerer =)

Yes

Looks creative so far. I'd make only a few suggestions. In your first paragraph, second sentence-- You may want to consider clarifying what exactly "them" is. Are you referring to what is on this boy's mind? If so, try using "my thoughts." Fourth sentence-- I like where you're taking this, summing ideas into one sentence, making sure that readers know exactly which direction and thought process you're on. Instead of saying the boy is a person "with very little emotion," I'd say he's a boy who *shows* very little emotion. The fear he feels seems like a ton of emotion for one boy; he just does not outwardly express it. I think your conclusion is fine. Keep thinking on it. You may want to reword as you come up with more ideas, but the idea there is good. Keep up the good work! You're on a roll.

Try to use more emotion** and less repetition (e.g. scared). **Show it by how a person would naturally act when they are afraid (e.g. I am sc-ccared th-hhat I make excuses to cov - OH I CANT TAKE IT!)

that was really good i wish i can write like that

Yes

kibibetunda

Try to use more emotion** and less repetition (e.g. scared). **Show it by how a person would naturally act when they are afraid (e.g. I am sc-ccared th-hhat I make excuses to cov - OH I CANT TAKE IT!)

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