Is the nearest walk to Brownian motion approximately uniform?

Does my 1st chapter impress you or not.... A honest review please:)?

• You can't choose your family. Now I know why. It is because if you could, people like Leo will be left to rot to death. Not that I’d complain. "Could you go any slower?” I said at last. "Hey, I am just trying to stick to the speed limit", Leo said with a sly smile on his face. Speed limit. Yeah, right. My brother and rules are poles apart. He'd sooner eat dog food than do something that is legal. "Look”, I said “I know you're trying to get back at me. The exam begins in fifteen minutes and at this speed, we get there only tomorrow. Please, get me there and I swear I’ll make it up to you." "Oh come on Tess. You think I’m doing this because you made me cancel my date to drive you to some stupid exam”, he said in a seemingly sweet tone "Nah, I’d never do that" I rolled my eyes. Leo is the single most irritating creature on the face of earth. I mean, it’s not my fault that dad got held back at work. And since I’m only 15 and don’t have a license, I had to ask mom to force the stupid monkey to drop me off at the school. "That's it Leo. Go fast or I’ll tell Carmen about 'the Mia thing', I said as threateningly as I could. "You wouldn't dare", he said. But I could see he was nervous already. "Really, let’s see about that", I warned even as I took out my cell phone in slow motion. I dialed my sister Carmen's number and put it on loud speaker. Three rings were all it took. "Okay okay. Gosh. Guess I can’t be a law abiding citizen as long as I'm with you. Filthy blackmailer. Evil, brainless--". "Shut up and step on it", I cut him off. And now it was his turn to roll the eyes. Exactly seven and a half minutes later, we found ourselves in the school. One look at it and we forgot all about our petty fight. The school (if you can even call it that), was enormous. It was like a ... "Is that a castle", Leo said, summing up what I was thinking. Yup. It was a castle alright. A huge, grand, breathtaking one at that. It even had watchtowers, where a couple of students stood watching the road with a binocular. "Are you sure this is the right place?” Leo asked. I pointed at the banner hung across the double door that said 'Mt. Olympus High' in big bold letters and nodded. Below the banner, a more modest signboard was hung. 'Go left for the admission test', it read. "So, I’ll meet you in two hours", I told him and headed left. "Are you kidding me?” my brother said in an awe-stuck voice. "I've got to see the rest of this place. I'm coming with you." You see, Leo loves buildings. He wants to be an architect. No wonder he was standing like he'd been given free ice creams. "Fine. Whatever" As I walked towards the exam hall, I looked at the letter one more time. 'Tessa Whitehill', it began. 'Owing to your remarkable achievements in academics and sports, Mt. Olympus High invites you to take part in the annual event through which we select our students.' Below were the address and the date of selection process. It was signed by the Head Principal, Walter Burns. At first I thought it was a prank. You see, I am not that good in academics. I barely manage to get a B in tests. And unless you count pillow fighting as a sport, I am not an expert at sports either. So, I wondered what ‘remarkable achievements’ the letter was referring to. “Do you think they give robes as the uniform?” Leo asked disrupting my trail of thoughts. “Sure they do Leo. Along with pointed hats and medieval shoes”. “Ha-ha. Very funny”. “Hey!” a voice called out from behind us. “Where do you think you are going?” It was one of the students I had seen on the watchtower. For a minute I thought he was an elf. He was short, about three-forth of my height and had hair so curly that he could give a poodle a run for its money. And his voice had a mischievous touch to it. “Um—the test”, I said holding the letter up for him to see. “Oh. My apologies. I am Noah, the head of security.” His tone clearly said he was not joking. This little guy as the security head. Well, I’ll be damned. “Follow me”, Noah said and started to walk. Leo and I looked at each other. This place was getting weirder by the minute. But, the building-obsessed Leo pulled my arm and followed Noah. So, what do you think. Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Would you continue to read . Why /why not. :) Thanks in advance. P.S: I am 15 years old.

• Answer:

  The plot line for me personally is quite engaging although some language choices could be improved. I.e stupid monkey and Filthy blackmailer. Evil, brainless.They sound unrealistic to what a modern day teenage siblings would use, don't be afraid to go a little more offensive if your targeting the teenage audience as long as it doesn't over step the mark. I also Agree with the comment about the re wording of the castle sentence. He was short, about three-forth of my height and had hair so curly that he could give a poodle a run for its money. And his voice had a mischievous touch to it. Could be re worded to:He was short, about three-forth of my height and had hair so curly that he could give a poodle a run for its money, his voice had a mischievous touch to it that brought me back to this Fantastical reality. etc. But, the building-obsessed Leo pulled my arm and followed Noah. Building- obsessed could also be altered to make your writing more mature, but Leo-- being unable to see past the beauty of the building- tugged at my arm and gestured for me to follow Noah. Or something along those lines. However, in contrast to previous comments i like the story line and I'm interested to hear more, first 6 lines are very good ,realistic with a comic touch. There's room for improvement but no written draft doesn't need improving, good for you for putting yourself out there, keep writing and let us know when you have finished this book! :) x