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How can I help my friend in an abusive relationship?

How can I help my friend through her relationship problems?

  • My best friend and her husband are currently separated. About two years ago she found out he was having an affair with a coworker, and she confronted him about it. They worked through it together and she forgave him, which was something most people would not have done. I have so much respect for my friend and whatever decisions she makes regarding her and her husbands problems I completely support. However, she just found out he's been having another affair with ANOTHER coworker. She's completely torn about this as she should be, and she has said that she's not sure whether or not she can stay with him this time. They just had a baby in September and are currently living apart right now. She calls me often and asks me if she deserves this and if she could have done something differently. I continually tell her that none of this is her fault, that her husband clearly has personal issues that he is struggling with. She wants to try and make it work, but he has been treating her so poorly lately and doesnt seem genuinely sorry. He's trying to blame her for his poor decisions, and they are starting counseling this week, but he is says it's not going to help. Her husband has also been a good friend of mine and my husbands and I'm wondering if I should talk to him to see whats going on. She says that it would be pointless though and that he probably wouldnt want to talk to me, which may be true. I just don't know how to help my friend. She is so willing to work on their problems and help her husband identify the reason he keeps cheating (he has even said he cant figure out why he does it). Other than the cheating and the way he has been acting recently they have never struggled to work through anything else. I want to help her or at least be a good shoulder for her through this tough time, but every time we talk about it she just continues to blame herself no matter what I say. What can I do?

  • Answer:

    STAY OUT OF IT. You can't make someone see the forest thought the trees. Everyone has their own relationship blindness. It's easier to see what is going on from the outside. All you can do is reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. And offer her some kind of help. I think the kindest thing you can do is offer to watch her baby if she needs it, or over to take a walk to talk about things. Your friend's problem is her husband doesn't want her anymore. You can't make him do right by her. You can't fix her problems. Edit: there is a difference between listening to friend in need and telling her husband off. I think she just wants an ear to listen to her(her hubby isn't listening) and should to cry on. If your to busy don't pick up the phone. if you don't have the time for it don't pick up the phone. You sound like a nice person that gets sucked into other peoples lives to easy. You have a life of your own. Therapist get paid to listen to people. Why don't you tell her to go see one, or join group therapy.

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Other answers

You can help by minding your own business!! Tell her you feel her pain,but you don't have a cure!!

spankmaster general

You can help by minding your own business!! Tell her you feel her pain,but you don't have a cure!!

spankmaster general

There's nothing you can do other than to listen, continue to remind her that this is not her fault and just offer emotional support. Dont give advice on what she should do. This is her problem, she has to come to terms herself and make her own decision on whats best for her. And u lending a shoulder to cry on sometimes is good enough to help her grieve through this process.

Samantha

There's nothing you can do other than to listen, continue to remind her that this is not her fault and just offer emotional support. Dont give advice on what she should do. This is her problem, she has to come to terms herself and make her own decision on whats best for her. And u lending a shoulder to cry on sometimes is good enough to help her grieve through this process.

Samantha

Sleep with her husband. Then she wont come to you for advice anymore.

RikiDiki

Sleep with her husband. Then she wont come to you for advice anymore.

RikiDiki

STAY OUT OF IT. You can't make someone see the forest thought the trees. Everyone has their own relationship blindness. It's easier to see what is going on from the outside. All you can do is reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. And offer her some kind of help. I think the kindest thing you can do is offer to watch her baby if she needs it, or over to take a walk to talk about things. Your friend's problem is her husband doesn't want her anymore. You can't make him do right by her. You can't fix her problems. Edit: there is a difference between listening to friend in need and telling her husband off. I think she just wants an ear to listen to her(her hubby isn't listening) and should to cry on. If your to busy don't pick up the phone. if you don't have the time for it don't pick up the phone. You sound like a nice person that gets sucked into other peoples lives to easy. You have a life of your own. Therapist get paid to listen to people. Why don't you tell her to go see one, or join group therapy.

ANGELA s

Most guys that cheat and lie never take responsibility but trash the female and put it all on them. just continues to blame herself First she us blaming the wrong person. second she's a fool for hanging around for more punishment. they have never struggled to work through anything That's because it's all about him and he doesn't need to change he believes it';s all her fault. Many guys have this idea that they have this inherited right to screw who ever they chose. As long as she hangs around and takes it he s happy. Bet you a hundred to one if she files for divorce. he will trash and cry it's all her fault. What can you do nothing she shut her eyes to the truth. Read enough of these type questions and it's apparent the girl gets the screwing..

tagboy

Most guys that cheat and lie never take responsibility but trash the female and put it all on them. just continues to blame herself First she us blaming the wrong person. second she's a fool for hanging around for more punishment. they have never struggled to work through anything That's because it's all about him and he doesn't need to change he believes it';s all her fault. Many guys have this idea that they have this inherited right to screw who ever they chose. As long as she hangs around and takes it he s happy. Bet you a hundred to one if she files for divorce. he will trash and cry it's all her fault. What can you do nothing she shut her eyes to the truth. Read enough of these type questions and it's apparent the girl gets the screwing..

tagboy

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