What does the AM mean in Trans AM?

Trans? Drag queen? Just a guy who likes fashion? What do these feelings mean?

• I know this is a question that only I can truly answer, but I would like to have some input from some other people to help me decide. For the past month or so I have been battling with feelings about my gender identity. I've been obsessed with it, trying to figure out what it is I'm actually feeling and why I feel it. It took me a while to actually work through my head and figure out what I was actually feeling since I needed to accept the fact that I was even having these feelings. This is what I have concluded: I am a gay male, and I wish to live my life as a gay male. I want to be perceived by others as a gay male, and if I picture myself in the future I see myself as an older gay male. If I imagine actually living as a woman I feel uncomfortable and awkward. At the same time, (and this is a part of what was causing such conflict in my head) I love women's clothes. However, I love men's clothes as well, and I'm actually very stylish. I receive no sexual arousal when thinking about wearing women's clothing, I just really like how it looks. Almost to the point that I want to wear it. I also think I feel jealous when I think about how good women look in women's clothing, but I will not because I have a manly figure, hairy legs, hairy stomach, etc. I wouldn't want to get rid of my manly figure though, because I like that I look good in my men's clothes because of it, and because it will attract other gay men. So what do these feelings mean? Am I just feeling restricted by the gender roles that society has prescribed for me? Do I actually want to be a woman even though I feel comfortable living as a man? Do I just want to do drag? I've spent so much time thinking about these feelings, that I just don't know what to think anymore! What do you think?

• Answer:

  Well I went through a similar period in my life similar to yours. Although Im a girl and I love being a girl at one point I just felt pressured to only wear girly clothing and that I couldn't go outside my assigned gender clothing and appearance. So I shaved my hair and started wear categorized male clothing. It felt good, not necessarily rebellious, but I was relieved that I had the choice of dressing as I felt. Now although I've been dressing what would be considered more feminine lately, I don't feel restricted to what I have to wear. I honestly think that you are comfortable being a man and having a mans body. And if you want to start trying out woman's clothing, go for it! Try it out, maybe you just want to not have this chain holding you back just because of societal views. And once you feel how its like wearing anything you please, then you can decide what you feel most comfortable in. I'm sure you're very stylish and good with pulling things off so whats there to lose? Good luck with everything.