How can I find one of these?

How can i find some one to talk to if i can't talk to friends, family, or my counselor?

• In the past ive had, i lived with my grandma and didnt know she wasnt my mom until i was 5. thats when i found out about my real mother, aunts, and my 5 other brothers and sisters. everything was fine and dandy until we lost our house and had to move into an apartment. thats where i had my 3 best friends, grace, nick, and dakota. they were everything to me. but it all changed when i was raped by graces older brother. that scarred me for life. after that i never told my grandma about it because i was too afraid. then we lost our car and our apartment and went to live with my cousin lisa. with her family ross (husband) and her kids cody and courtney, i always had competition. i was always being compared and courtney was always better than me. when my grandma had enough, we moved in with my other grandma johan. she is a sweet old lady but she was very strict. she made us go to bed at 6:30 everynight and me and my grandma were locked up in her guest room. we played cards up there and chatted on the phone to kill time until she took out phone out of the room. when we had enough there we were forced to live with a stranger named Phil. he had sexually came on to me and touched me innapropriately. when we didnt want to stay there, my aunt refused to let us stay there. and i was glad because when we went to visit, her husband would hit me and she wouldnt do anything about it. after that, we finnaly had the money to live in a rent house. i still had many problems though. i had been diagnosed with many health problems and i was sent to a sycyatrist. my grandma took me out because i was playing too much. but the thing was, i needed a friend to play with. and my sycyatrist was a friend to me. i never had a true friend after the 3, until i hit middle school. thats when i found maria. she was the person i could tell everything too. we went through our ups and downs but then she went and ended everything about a month and a half ago. she had made me cry for almost an hour once. she was verbally abusing me day after day and i had no one else to go to because every other one of my friends were afraid of her and went on her side. she had dirt on everyone and no one wanted those secrets out. so they stayed with her. everyone was on me then and i had no choice but to leave public school all together. i couldnt stand it to be there anymore and i refused to be the new girl again in public school after changing from 8 different schools. now im in ECOT and im still having a hard time because of my family. they are fighting constantly and i dont even have a say. they should realize how much it effects everyone. they are grown and they need to pay attention. but then i confessed to my little sister that i didnt like how my biological mom parented. my mom gave me up the moment i was born and she slept with 4 different men and only 1 she was married to. she doesnt remember alot of our dads. she only truly remembered the eldest because that was the man she was married to. she had never helped my grandma raise me at all! she never sent money to help with me, she never just called to see how we were going, and unlike each and everyone of my brothers and sisters, im the only one that doesnt have a connection with her. and you know what? she doesnt care. i died my hair once to blonde and she told me straight up to my face that it was hidious. yet my sister put blue in her hair and she didnt say anything mean like that. my sister claims she said she didnt like it but i seriously dont believe her because shes mommies little princess. she has to make herself more important than everyone else. shes a spoiled brat and only cares about herself. she says that mom is only trying to help. if she was helping she would ask if i really wanted it and at least pretend she liked it. you dont just say that to your child. its extremely hurtful. it makes me feel like she doesnt accept me more than how much she doesnt right now. i fell so left out like i dont even matter. then my sister says that well im being hurtful too by saying shes not a good mother. I NEVER SAID IT TO HER FACE! she told me straight in the face that my hair was hidious. she doesnt care how it makes me fell yet i still dont want to hurt HER feelings by saying shes a bad mother. i dont have anyone to say this too but my counceler and i only see her every 3 weeks! i dont have anyone i can talk to daily. my grandma has enough problems, i dont feel comfortable talking with her boyfriend, and i dont really get to talk with my siblings like this. what should i do? im crying almost everyday and i cant do anything about it. ive tried several things and i cant find anything. i really need help.

• Answer:

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