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Marriage at a young age?

  • I'm 19 and my fiance is about to turn 21. I have always been told that I'm mature for my age. I know I'm ready for marriage and the challenges marriage brings. When I told my mom I was engaged she flipped out on me, she told me I'm too young and that I should wait until I'm in my 30's. I'm going to be starting college in the fall for elementary education/special ed and I want to get a Doc degree in Political Science my life goal is to work for the US department of Education in DC. My fiance is in the Marines and is stationed at Lejeune in NC. He's in Afghanistan right now. I've got accepted into a college about 45mins from Lejeune. My mom is upset I'm not going to college in my home state and she said "College is about going where your friends go" I don't find that true at all. My mom NEVER went to college and she ended up marrying my dad when she was in her 30's and he didn't even want to get married. Long story short they separated. She keeps telling me I'll end up like her or she'll say I'm going to be a nothing. I believe your life is what you make it and if your truly dedicated to something you'll succeed. I have always been able to balance my life and I never let my stress get the best of me. I love my fiance and I know he's not like my dad. For an example when I was struggling with an eating disorder he did everything he possibly could to help me he's the one who actually got me on the road to recovery. My mom never did anything to help me. I truly think my mom is just upset to see her 'little girl' growing up and she may be afraid I'll forget about her. I want my mom to accept the fact that I'm getting married and honestly I need my mom more then ever right now. We have already talked about the financial situations and we say the exact same thing "divorce is not an option and you can work through it even if it means going to consoling. We have talked about the college. He has already turned in his transfer papers for a request to be stationed near DC when his contract with Lejeune is up. I have already gotten accepted into Georgetown. Hopefully I'll be able to transfer there when the time comes. Ok just to make somethings clear to people. I'm going to be living with him not at the college. I have never liked dorm living. I'm not marrying him to prove to anyone I love him I want to marry him because I know both of us are ready for that commitment. We have already sat down with his pastor and my priest and talked about everything.

  • Answer:

    Im not sure why you feel you need too marry when you are going off too college.If you love each other you will still love each other after you finish college.I wouldnt wait till i was thirty but i think you are rushing .whats the big hurry.wait a year or two.

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If I were your mother, I would flip out too. You ARE too young. Young military marriages have the highest divorce rate. You and him both have a LOT of growing up to do in the next few years. You have NO idea what challenges marriage brings. You are barely an adult. You may be mature but you are very inexperienced in real life. Let me ask you a question. What happens when he gets transferred from LeJeune? Are you going to quit school? My advise is to wait a few years. Go to college and live like a college student and IF you are still together when you graduate and still have a happy healthy relationship, talk about marriage at that point.

La Vie Boheme

Over 90% of couples who marry at your age divorce within 7 years. It's probably even higher in your situation because of your husband being stationed else where while you pursue college. I can assure you that everyone in that 90% thought they were special and would succeed against the odds. Divorce is painful, costly and terrible, especially if children are involved. Yet, when you are young, the heart blinds common sense. Your ego and desire makes it impossible for you to realize that at 19, you have not acquired the life experience and wisdom to make a marriage work. I've seen this record play a million times and I know there is no talking you out of it. I sincerely hope you are the exception to the rule and your marriage is a success. And I agree with you that at some point your mother should bite her tongue and accept what you are going to do. My only advice is that you don't have children for at least 5 years.

Eric Bonet

If I were your mother, I would flip out too. You ARE too young. Young military marriages have the highest divorce rate. You and him both have a LOT of growing up to do in the next few years. You have NO idea what challenges marriage brings. You are barely an adult. You may be mature but you are very inexperienced in real life. Let me ask you a question. What happens when he gets transferred from LeJeune? Are you going to quit school? My advise is to wait a few years. Go to college and live like a college student and IF you are still together when you graduate and still have a happy healthy relationship, talk about marriage at that point.

La Vie Boheme

Over 90% of couples who marry at your age divorce within 7 years. It's probably even higher in your situation because of your husband being stationed else where while you pursue college. I can assure you that everyone in that 90% thought they were special and would succeed against the odds. Divorce is painful, costly and terrible, especially if children are involved. Yet, when you are young, the heart blinds common sense. Your ego and desire makes it impossible for you to realize that at 19, you have not acquired the life experience and wisdom to make a marriage work. I've seen this record play a million times and I know there is no talking you out of it. I sincerely hope you are the exception to the rule and your marriage is a success. And I agree with you that at some point your mother should bite her tongue and accept what you are going to do. My only advice is that you don't have children for at least 5 years.

Eric Bonet

YOU ARE TOO YOUNG! You do not have to get married to prove your love. If this is meant to be then your love will survive until you at least graduate from college. Please trust me on this, just wait until you graduate.

h60noise

to be honest i really think that you should wait until your into your twenteys but if you think you will last at this young age go for it but 80% of people divorcing are young ages x

Charlotte

Sounds good. Just don't have children before you are done with your education. Good luck

virgod

19 is a little young but I believe age doesn't really make a difference. My husband and I got married when I was 22 and he was 25. I believe what makes a marriage work is the couple. However, You can't claim to know how hard marriage will be until you are married. It is challenging, even in the most perfect relationship. My husband and I are best friends, never fought the 2 years we were together before we got married but married life is different. It holds all new challenges. With that said, don't rush into anything. You have the rest of your life to be married and if you are meant to be together, you will stay together married or not. Make sure you are getting married for the right reasons. My husband and I have always said that divorce is never an option. Maybe that is something you two can do? We believe anything can be worked through, even if we have to get marriage counseling to overcome something. As far as your family, your mom is probably trying to help you wait until you are a little more mature but there probably is a little bit of pain from letting her baby girl go. Be sweet to her and let her know you feel confident about your future. You will probably miss her when you move out! :)

Mk

19 is a little young but I believe age doesn't really make a difference. My husband and I got married when I was 22 and he was 25. I believe what makes a marriage work is the couple. However, You can't claim to know how hard marriage will be until you are married. It is challenging, even in the most perfect relationship. My husband and I are best friends, never fought the 2 years we were together before we got married but married life is different. It holds all new challenges. With that said, don't rush into anything. You have the rest of your life to be married and if you are meant to be together, you will stay together married or not. Make sure you are getting married for the right reasons. My husband and I have always said that divorce is never an option. Maybe that is something you two can do? We believe anything can be worked through, even if we have to get marriage counseling to overcome something. As far as your family, your mom is probably trying to help you wait until you are a little more mature but there probably is a little bit of pain from letting her baby girl go. Be sweet to her and let her know you feel confident about your future. You will probably miss her when you move out! :)

Mk

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